I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination and this question between us gals and what women want to do or do...that's cool. But for heavens sake...doesn't anyone like surprises anymore?
did you know:
The average American woman spends $23,000 on pubic waxing over her lifetime.
The average woman spends nearly two full months during her lifetime shaving her pubes.
23k and two months of life...spent shaving. Holy cow. Do you know what I could be doing with 23k and two months of my life? ((I'm just saying))
It feels like just another push to fit in. You're hot and sexy if you spend 23k and two months of your life shaving and if you don't..well..at best -you're just not up with pubic fashion. At worst...there is something wrong with you. The whole thing is a bit odd ((to me, perhaps just me..I don't know))
In certain circles..having pubic hair has become like wearing mom jeans. Somehow. How utterly odd that is...
Did you also know:
According to a study published in the American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology, 60% of women developed at least one health problem as a result of removing their public hair. Among the many problems that are directly related to shaving are razor burn, cuts, infection in the hair root, abscesses, and bacterial skin infections.
I remember the first time someone requested me to go bald. ((Many moons ago))
My first response was - absolutely not.
I am a grown woman.
Not a little girl.
That is so twisted.
What is wrong with this dude?
Why on earth would a grown man want me to represent pre-adolescence. My conclusion at the time - "there is something wrong with this man!"
That's what came up for me at the time. My internal dialogue if you will...
I didn't know anything about the dating scene or that there was any pubic styles/expectations. I just thought there was a natural process where one day a girl became a woman and pubic hair was a part of that and you shaved just enough to not be embarrassed in a bathing suit.
It wasn't until the next request came in that I had an inkling there was some sort of trend going on here... ((Let's keep in mind I was in a Step-mom role by the ripe old age of 19 years old-my focus was elsewhere))
First of all, I am part Italian. Enough said there.
The work involved. The time involved. ((Oh man. That was intense!)) I had a similar experience when I shaved my legs for the first time. It took more than one razor. I wanted to do it because I wanted to be "adult," but once I did it..and understood the work involved, I wasn't all that thrilled about it.
Then as I looked at myself- I felt like I had gone against my own womanhood.
Where did my adult vagina go?
Omg what have I done to myself?
It was this whole thing for me!
I didn't like it.
I know...it's just hair.
But if it's just hair why do I need to put so much time and energy into removing it just because that is the trend? And what kind of message does it send -that we women have to spend our time in this way to be seen as a worthy sex partner?
I was rejecting the entire thing and I wanted my hair back. I didn't know I was going to feel that way but I liked being a woman and all that came with it. I didn't know that either...
It wasn't as bad as- a really bad haircut but the itching process as it grew back was completely annoying.
After that...the next human. ((Poor unfortunate soul...))he was clueless I had any of this swirling around in my head...
At that time...I had just about had it with this pubic fashion thing.
Shave your legs, shave your underarms, wear heels..do all of these things. It was all a bit much if you asked me.
I like to do those things when I like to do those things and when those things feel good to me and because it makes me feel good. Not because I have to.
And now this? Oh, that was enough to send me right over the edge!
I usually feel my most beautiful barefoot, in the grass with my wild frizzy hair free in the wind with no make up and the freedom to just be me. So au natural feels great to me...expanded beyond this one thing.
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want the extra work. I also didn't want to lay my projections onto him either. I liked him, but not enough to do extra work.
I was trying to think about how to handle this....
"I am not spending my time or life energy on this... but if you want that-you can do the work and spend the time and be in charge of the upkeep which I am warning you... will be very often. I am part Italian after all."
I was like this....
I blinked and saw this...
Then I was like this......
Then...I became very suspicious in thinking "he has done this before!"
That quickly transitioned into..."Oh man.. I hope he's done this before. Actually I hope he's done this many times!"
As it turned out...He was super focused, beyond gentle and totally rocked it. I couldn't believe it.
It is my experience that being myself works. Nothing more, different or added needs to happen. Again, being me, as I am..works. Period. It just does.
Guys who ask me that within the first few minutes -What a turn off that is for me. I'm not insulted or anything like that. It just turns me off.
Dig a little deeper buddy. That's where the door is. It doesn't mean the door will open but you're moving in the right direction. I get the game and potential fun in playing it for others. Have at it...I don't really find that fun though.
What's fun for me:
There is a natural pulse, A natural rhythm to connection. It's so much easier and doesn't require me to do anything extra. I don't have to spend 23k or 2 months of my existence shaving. All I need to do is show up.
I like that way better.
The 2016 grooming ritual of the sexually interested/active human.
And women have their own thinking process about men who do this too.
Some like it, some don't. Some don't care either way.
No longer just their chest or their backs. Not for reasons of "speed," in their athletic endeavors. Not to be a faster swimmer. But because that is just what humans do now if they want to have sex. It mean something.
"That's right baby I take care of myself"
I see that as more of a grooming preference..there is more to "taking care of one's self," than that ((to me))
Yet, your body belongs to you just as my body belongs to me. Do AS you WISH with what is YOUR body!
I personally don't care either way. It doesn't make me go "oh baby, you shaved, how very thoughtful of you." and I don't see hair and go "Eww" either. It's hair, a part of you...fully accepted either way. If you don't like your own hair-shave it. If you do-don't. That really isn't something I feel attached to...it's not MY HAIR!!!!
Whatever makes you feel good, free and sexy-do that. Your freedom is where it's at (at least for me)
With sexually-transmitted diseases and all of that jazz -there is an opportunity to have a visual to see what's there.
To make a person feel a little more safe. That also seems to be the point ((I don't want to waste time having the conversation, you can just see me))
From a superficial perspective- from a quick look see-there you go. But there is more to it than just what the eyes can see.
Not only did he want to know..
he also informed me he was willing to pay for laser treatments to have a woman's vagina look the way he wanted it to look.
I thought to myself "Wow! that's next level!"
I wondered how many women he has done this for and what a great offer for a woman who wants that. That could be a woman's dream gift and perhaps a road to a certain kind of freedom.
As he was speaking, there was an instinctual protective thing I found myself doing...my legs began to cross and close just a little tighter than what was necessary.
I have those natural empathetic responses, don't we all? No different than a man watching another man getting kicked in the middle and they feel it.
My body was saying:
"No to the laser treatment possibility," even though he wasn't really offering that to me personally- he was just sharing what he would do or does.
Unfortunately, that "no," expanded beyond the conversation. At some point I was just a full out no...
My female gynecologist, after shaking her head in disapproval..she informed me... it was not in a woman's best interest to shave beyond what is necessary to take a dip in the pool.
She too is hit with this topic ((much more so than I will ever be.)) She spends a great deal of her time helping women recover from those razor burns, cuts, infections, abscesses and finally the bacterial skin infections.
You see how this works?
In the network of what it means to look good, to turn another human being on by being (hot and sexy) vs what is best for a woman's gynecological health and well-being.
What's the answer? I haven't a clue....
It depends on who you ask and who sees you and what their perspective or knowledge base is.
And let's talk about the potential to shame women -either way...
With the current cultural trends you can easily be shamed for not grooming yourself because that too "says something," about you as a woman.
Then you go to the gynecologist and as she is educating..you can feel the energy of her judgement coming at you in her tone and facial expressions. A part of that is...she is tired of seeing women with burns, cuts, bruises and infections just to be seen as hot and sexy, just to be...in the game.
She has her world view just like everyone else.
Bald, Landing strip, Brazilian, bikini or au natural..whatever a woman wants to do with her own body and all that grows on her body...sounds good to me!
As for me...the answer to that question really depends. But asking me this, is like inserting some kind of block in my natural system. That's just how I roll....and I see no reason to change that...So I won't...
The term: "Something came up." Someone said that to me yesterday and I was like
"WOW! That really exists!!!!!" Men really say that! I was so fascinated by this.
Mostly I was fascinated by how that landed on me.
So now I get to investigate something new.... see what that's about for me...
Life & Connections... SO fun