I've been studying love. It may appear to others to be a frivolous past time, that is what I have been doing. Learning, observing, valuing and absolutely... encouraging LOVE!
The Mirror Has Two Faces....
"So...the final question is...why do people want to fall in love......."
I love how he left this exact scene, heard half a lecture and felt he had enough information to believe he and she were on the same intellectual page. In collecting half the data, he was mistaken in believing she didn't want the juicy juice when she absolutely did.
They had to actually go through a few things before their love was allowed to breath and blossom fully and on every level.
His leaving midway in a lecture, assuming he knew...was one of those things that eventually came back to bite him. He felt "betrayed," when she wanted something different. Yet, she had always wanted the full experience because...as she articulates in class......"Because while it does last...it feels fucking great!"
She (Like most women I know) handled his fears with care and consideration. Not wanting to push but rather wanting to gently move into it. That wasn't working.
She was a no to an intellectual marriage of convenience and she was a yes to experiencing all that she wanted with the man that she did love. She was a yes to all of her yes's, owning them all so fully when she began to recognize: not doing so was causing her so much pain.
The actual discovery that she was the love of her own life had a positive impact on her marriage, moving their love into a truly intimate space. I could go on and on about that one movie. I love it that much. At levels and layers and from all different angles.
Much of time what I hear from women who love their men a lot is they don't say it because: "I don't want to hurt his feelings."
Dear lord have mercy!!!!!
If men only knew how deeply they are loved and the length of time the women who love them will allow themselves to be slightly dis-satisfied just because they do not want to hurt the mans feelings. Women are beautiful in this way as far as I'm concerned, they don't want to hurt their men and they do all that they can, try all that they can, think on deeper levels and try to find fun and interesting ways to communicate and share in ways that will enhance the quality of their connection and levels and layers of fulfillment can be had!
It's very sweet and I vaguely remember that within myself. Honestly, it's all a little fuzzy to me at this time.
There is a space between two people who love one another and all of the subtleties floating back and forth along with knowing things no one else knows. In that space, it isn't that the other person isn't honest as much as the love and awareness is mindful of what another person may not be ready for just yet.
It's a space where the love moves in such a way, one partner is working on creative ways and ideas to move their relationship where they want it to go without damaging another persons sense of self along the way.
There is careful consideration and a level of kindness that lives there. Mostly the desire, which usually sounds self serving to others, is really saying:
"I love you so deeply that I want us to experience heaven on earth together because I love you and I know that it's possible with you."
It's also saying "All of your fears or insecurities aren't a big deal to me. I'm willing to work through them with you and I'm trying to figure out the best path."
Yet if the other person isn't ready to let go of their fears, isn't willing to risk, try, fail or look like a fool in any way shape or form, the affinity between two people can lower significantly enough to end the relationship.
There is a difference between someone not accepting who we already are, what our natures may be vs our holding onto our fears and insecurities more fiercely than the love we share with another human being.
You Are The Love of Your Life with Byron Katie
However, I have noticed, I only feel that way when someone tries to shove, force or move me into their dogma, their values, their belief system, their ideas of what it means to love without ever asking me what I want, who I am or without ever taking the time to truly know me.
In my own space, in meditation, in solitude, in silence and in connection with others who know me deeply, or willing to be in the process of getting to know me deeply. With those who are willing to meet me some place near where I am at this time in my life... All of that....drops away and all that's left is a sense of divine timing without me having to do or be anything different for any reason or any one. Which circles me right back to the last three years of my studying, learning, observing, valuing and absolutely encouraging other people's LOVE. Not from the space of it has to last forever to be real. From the space of:
"....It may only last a minute, an hour an afternoon...but it doesn't diminish it's value....because we're left with memories that last a life time...."
So here are just a few things I've noticed in 30 minute, thirty hours, thirty days and 30 years couples whom you can feel the love.
― Benjamin Franklin
Love isn't actually always all that kind. Or rather people aren't always kind. Either way, the point is people make mistakes, go off the deep end so to speak. They even go so far as to pack their bags. Emotion can make people incapable of logic and it's often temporary. I often wish couples would be more selective in who they go to for their support system.
Many years ago when I worked at a barber shop cutting men and children's hair exclusively- I never was the woman saying "Poor you, your wife is such a nag"
I was more inclined to be the woman mirroring something back. Such as "So your wife wants your love and attention because she loves you that much? Tell me again what the issue is?"
Sometimes all love needs is a reminder and someone willing to take a stand for it.
What I noticed about people who love each other is: They are learning, willing to learn, willing to grow where and when they can. Mistakes aren't used as a repeated weapon against one another. Mistakes are used as learning tools to lean back into their hearts and discover what will make everyone happy.
I've witnessed this...repeatedly.
Those who just want, what they want vs those who know how to love deeply...it's a learning process.
"Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!!!!!"
― Haruki Murakami
This is where synergy can happen..... "Synergy is better than my way or your way..."
It is my observation that people in love... are willing to do this. It's so beautiful to witness that happening. Wanting solutions is something I've witnessed again and again. It's very different than "let's just move on" or agreeing to disagree." Much of the time people say lets just move on but they do not.
This, I believe can truly help keep affinity alive in love.
― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha
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― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
Nothing and no one is perfect that I've seen yet...however, love can be felt in all different styles, phases and it depends on the space between two people.
Own Your Behaviours, Master Your Communication, Determine Your Success | Louise Evans
Don't just learn, experience.
Don't just read, absorb.
Don't just change, transform.
Don't just relate, advocate.
Don't just promise, prove.
Don't just criticize, encourage.
Don't just think, ponder.
Don't just take, give.
Don't just see, feel.
Don’t just dream, do.
Don't just hear, listen.
Don't just talk, act.
Don't just tell, show.
Don't just exist, live.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart