The Hawaii Lantern Floating Festival is right up my alley in this way.
This year was different. There was just beauty and the depth wasn't inside of me-it was all around me and through me in terms of being intimately connected to love and loss and how it appears to me.
As we moved like sardines toward the ocean. There was a man with a float and his wife was saying "no, lets go this way." And he says "Go fuck yourself -why don't you just follow that woman instead?" (And he meant me)
In this moment I got to experience some serious beauty that filled my own heart with happiness.
Can you imagine what would have happened if I had gotten all indignant as a response to that mans frustration, anger aka his grief process? If I did that I would have totally interfered and I would have also missed "The Hug of All Hugs!"
These are the things I do not want to miss!!! That. Was. Beautiful. Touching and just lovely.
Anyway....it filled my heart to lean in and remember my friends daughter Avani and my friends are so generous that Avani got to have her very own space!!!
I think if I had this ritual available to me 23 years ago I'd get a float and I'd want that entire float to be all about Donovan. In fact, I would have probably wanted to buy 100 floats and have them all be for -just Donovan. Then if I had this to go to each year with such deep reverence that allowed my grief to move into the beauty of it all...eventually I'd want 50 floats, and I would offer some of my float space to others and then eventually, through ritual and my own healing and strength I would probably open it up for many people and in my mind have the float itself be Donovan offering others space because you know, moms like to teach their children to share after all... (at least some of us do)
And with that, comes little things, like today, technical difficulties sometimes stress me out....So you know.... these things can come and go.....
I had to be cool and when I got cool...the person assisting me was able to help me a lot, which I very much appreciate....