Today's an inward, self-care kind of day....not much else going on.
It's looking like my younger brother will be needing his second amputation above the knee after all. It isn't just his skin...his bone is also not strong enough and therefore he would have additional problems later if they even tried to keep it as it currently is. I can't even think about what that must be like for him. When I go there, I can't breath, my throat begins to get lumpy, tears come out and I feel sick to my stomach. None of those things that happen in my body will help him in his. I am aware of that but it's happening anyway. This is the brother my mother had to keep reminding me was her baby not mine. I was 5 when he was born. I wanted to wear my whinny the pooh dress when he came home because it was my favorite dress and I wanted our first meeting to be such that I was all dressed up and ready for him. How cute is that? The decisions of a 5 year old.
Then there is my mom. I'm happy to connect with her on FaceTime and to be there for her. Yet, sometimes, her tears and emotional pain sends instant tears to my eyes. Which is the double whammy. Sister, Daughter...Family. Trying to find that balance between caring and keeping my love affair with myself flowing. Finding that balance is just a little something I'm currently working on.
In other news, the re-publishing of Stories of Courageous Vulnerability is underway. The book has been completely edited, the cover will be changed and then that will be complete. Next up is the re-publishing of Navigational Skills for Stepfamilies, followed by my desire to complete my latest book: Tender is the Heart: 16 lessons of Love and Loss.
Today's an inward, self-care kind of day....not much else going on.
According to one of my male friends here…Man is flawed in his DNA (as it relates to women) and to know that is to learn how to cultivate and master one’s self.
He says that all men are designed to learn and decide for themselves how they want to handle this DNA within.
We all know the grass is greener concept but I like his version. First because I love peaches, second because it’s really clever to articulate women from the picking of a fruit tree and we women are so juicy :) All of us...
He says, this DNA programing can easily side track a man from cherishing the juicy peach he already has selected. In any moment this DNA programing can kick in
see the peach way on the top of the tree and it’s natural to see it, desire it and confuse it for being better, more juicy and long for what is better or more juicy instead of
leaning into the juiciness of the peach already in his hand. He believes, to know this as a flaw in
his DNA helps him navigate, love and cherish the woman he is with because she is the woman of his dreams. He already has the woman of his dreams. To him, it doesn’t
get any better than her. Yet, he too has this flaw (as he sees it as being in his DNA.) He does not worry about ever cheating on his dream woman because he has mastered the
art of understanding this as something to master inside of himself vs something to eradicate or make himself wrong about. When this flaw comes to the surface, he says, Okay
I know what this really is and I’m going to navigate it because I am in charge here. What he does is he thinks about
something he cherishes about his dream woman who is the extremely juicy peach already in his hands. He leans into what he cherishes about her. Beyond that though.. more
extraordinary to me was how he also articulated something that I’m currently writing about in my book: Tender is the heart: 16 lessons of Love and Loss. Through his experiences
in life, before he accepted this as a flaw in his DNA, he experienced a lot of loss’s and ways of being in his relationships with women that ended up killing the connection in many
ways. He was at a crossroad within himself.
At this stage of development, some men just decide never to cherish the peach that they have in their hands already, others decide to remain single or head into a more open lifestyle
(which is more honest)
He has decided to use his nature, his flawed DNA, what he desires most in connection with a woman, his divine masculine, his own lessons of love and loss-combine all of the data
he has collected to work with his DNA, so that he is in alignment with being deserving of having the woman of his dreams-remain the woman of his dreams.
He believes if you know these things you can work, cultivate and master these things and keep getting more and more juice from the fruit that is already in your hands by finding more
things to cherish and having the realization that when you love someone that deeply, loss is inevitable. Death knocks on every human door. The combination of focusing on cherishing
her plus having the awareness that life is now, life is fleeting and in any moment, life can take it all away in the blink of an eye…has made him a deeply reverent lover. Beyond that, he’s
also a reverent son, brother, friend, boss and stranger to meet on the street.
One of the most beautiful lessons love and loss has taught me-(Donovan dying in my arms…) is this very thing. Not so much the DNA flaw but more to the point, life is fleeting. Moments
matter, people matter, love matters and it does end. All of it ends.
For some, this is sad news, for others it makes us stronger, more loving, more present and less likely to minimize the importance of showing up in each moment with a high level of
gratitude wanting to discover what we can cherish today in the people we love most. Every love story has a physical ending, but done right…our collective love stories live on and on...
"DO YOU WANT TO CUDDLE?"
Okay, so I was single for a 10 year period of time in between my marriages so this really isn't my first time on the single scene, although back then I was a single mother and that meant something to men- in terms of respecting that, me and my son in ways that probably prevented me from knowing or experiencing this thing that single men do...(Which I think is so wonderful)
This Saturday evening I met a person who I connected with and it seemed to me our connection was friendship based. There was even a moment several hours later where this man lifted his hands in a high five after I said something that made him laugh (hard) he said the words "You are my friend." In this moment I thought "Great, friends is good" I mean, I'm pretty flexible in this way. While our connection was instant in the realm of comfort level and we did spend several hours sharing so much about ourselves...I'm a reverent listener. I believe what people say and I felt like I had enough information to assess-he was not at all interested in anything more than a buddy. His energy was lovely, friendly and I enjoyed being in his presence. So when he said "Would you like to cuddle" I really thought we were just going to cuddle.
Now this is the third time I have been asked if I wanted to cuddle -having zero access, thought or inclination that it meant more than just cuddling, which I know that makes me sound like I'm slightly retarded perhaps but honestly, what a lovely surprise and gentle pathway into connection. It's beautiful in the way of there being no pressure and there isn't anything in me that feels like I need to do anything more than cuddle with another human being. And this man is so sweet, he really was cool and would have been totally happy to...just cuddle. I felt that.
Yet, there seems to be an entire single scene of humans who actually already know..."Do you want to cuddle" is just something that people do in the single world. Which had me laughing a lot.
I'm in inquiry all the time. I asked a small circle of men if do you want to cuddle means just that. They thought hard and gave me their honest assessment. They said no, men don't generally just want to cuddle." As they gave real thought to it, the one man said "The exception to that rule is if he's had a lot to drink, because then cuddling may be all he can do"
I mean, I LOVE THIS!!!!
When I said to one of my girlfriends "Well, I don't remember that from my single days and I have to say...it's really sweet"
Her response "Yes, it is and that's why it's been working...forever"
I think it's sweet and warmth inducing and choice allowing
I dig the "do you want to cuddle" thing....
I'm just saying...
That is all
The Divine Masculine
The Divine Masculine represents a spiritual, psychological, archetypal ideal—the best and most inspiring, elevating, and restorative aspects of masculine expression and manifestation in the universe. “He”—along with the Divine Feminine—exists on a transpersonal, universal level that manifests through an individual’s psyche and becomes thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
As multifaceted, spiritually-embodied beings, we each have a complex psychological and emotional constitution that produces one’s inner health and outer reality. Each one of us, man and woman, carries within our psyche both masculine and feminine archetypes. From these influences come all our conscious thoughts, plans, desires, goals and agendas. They intertwine and cooperate to produce a uniquely personal expression and experience of life.
The Divine Feminine
In the spiritual dimension, it means including and valuing the feminine
as an equally fundamental dynamic of the creative life force and the
Divine, along with the masculine. The yang cannot exist without the
yin. It means remembering our interconnection and oneness: we are
not separate from each other and creation.
Also known as gender-neutralism or the gender neutrality movement, describes the idea that policies, language, and other social institutions should avoid distinguishing roles according to people's sex or gender, in order to avoid discrimination arising from the impression that there are social roles for which one gender is more suited than another.
I'd personally prefer it if we allowed children to pick the color they love the most based on what they are attracted to organically. Allow them to be free to love colors as they love colors vs teaching them or shoving "Gender Neutral" into their consciousness. But that's just my birds eye view as a woman who isn't currently raising little humans.
Gender Neutral, it seems to me- is about doing no harm to others, not discriminating and allowing humans to learn what comes with their own nature.
The other day one of my dearest friends essentially reminded me that I'm not a man so I wouldn't be able to truly (from an experimental, essence standpoint) get it as deeply as a man would.
And I have to say, I felt very compelled to handle this moment with reverence rather than ignore the actual co-existing reality that he has a point. In saying that, I'm very safe with him. Through knowing who he is and how much reverence he has for women in general and how he would never fight, get angry or minimize the truth that exists for a woman in our culture. He has that co-existence within him. Where he doesn't throw out the baby with the bath water. I refer to this as unapologetically masculine and has a keen sense of over all we are one justice running through him in addition to empathy for all living creatures.
He just moves in alignment with his own nature. Having said that, it's easier to do that when you're unapologetically who you are and your sexuality is considered "normal."
He loves women. Women, not men. He's not against or uncomfortable with any guy who is sexually attracted to other guys. He just isn't. He doesn't understand it because that isn't his sexual orientation. His sexual fluidity keeps flowing toward women. But he leaves room for others to live and let live. He doesn't care who uses the bathroom. If you gotta go-you gotta go. No big deal.
He's also the human whom; if he saw your grandmother's purse being taken from her from a punk who wasn't taught how to honor seniors...he would DO something about that. In the moment based on his sense of justice. He would also do that for a transgender person's purse too.
He's a whole person after all...a part of that is...his divine masculinity and owning that unapologetically.
As for me: I've been talking to my parents and family a lot these days. My Dad just said something to me the other day that both fascinated me and felt true for me as well. He said "You've paid your life dues" He was speaking in the context of my journey, my choices, my lessons, my pain, my grief and all of that. And my Dad doesn't even know all of my truth. There are some things we don't tell our fathers because our fathers don't need to know EVERYTHING. It's just not necessary.
What fascinated me in my Dad's world view about my having paid my life dues was....I feel this truth all around me. In the skin that I'm in, in my attitude, in my consciousness, in my heart.
My Dad has this way of "nailing" it with me. That happened after Donovan died, a few years later as I was in repair and recovery mode when he said "Christina Marie, you had a cosmic crack" It was like...Yes...yes I did. I most certainly did.
Gender Neutral on it's own does not leave any room for the cosmic crack of a young woman whose breasts were still engorged with milk to feed her child. It just doesn't.
Yet, include the human spirit, the divine masculine and the divine feminine and you have the co-existence where human empathy, compassion and wonder lives.
In my mind, we NEED all of it...we just need all of it to co-exist.
Just this mornings thoughts...
As many of you know, I currently have a lot of humans in my world who are deep in that juicy beyond juicy-full out-very shinny shinny happy place where being In-LOVE generates that very specific extra glow. There is nothing more fun for me personally than to be around humans who have the co-existence between being high in their EQ (emotional intelligence) and have decided that love is the name of this life game. Then they attract these amazing partners who are the same in their essence and commitment to have LOVE be the way to live. I'm telling you, there is nothing like it. It's just beautiful.
And then...every once in a while an Angry or Wounded Feminist bulldozes into this connection as if she is doing women's work or a service of some sort. Certainly, she thinks her intention is to protect her sister against potential danger, now or long term, however, when she forgets to feel into the connection between two people, doesn't notice the juicy glow beauty of the women, doesn't feel into the heart of the man and she doesn't even ask the woman how she feels or doesn't take the time to ask her what she wants...that's not really helping anyone.
Sometimes as well-meaning committed strong women we think we are helping yet all we are doing sometimes with some of our sisters is-insulting their emotional intelligence, interfering in their lesson and laying our own anger or our wounds onto two perfectly happy juicy shinny people who are totally safe and already know how to be very playful and understand what turns them on.
I think it would behoove us all to bring consciousness and mindfulness into the pulse/energy/connection that exists between two humans who are essentially glowing from the inside out before we interject our limited belief's masked in wisdom and expansion. Primarily because there are new women and new men out there who don't need anyone's help and you don't know that until you become mindful and feel into their unique energy. When you do there is a quality to the essence that can't be denied.
If you see a woman who can't get the smile off of her face and her beauty is exemplified due to the love she is experiencing with "her man," and you ignore that and all other indicators and instead bulldoze what's true for you onto strangers you don't even know....-chances are great you have an unhealed wound or you've been distorted and have a filter. Perhaps you work with battered women or have been one yourself. Who knows, maybe you grew up with a father who would say to your mother "My woman," as he was wearing his wife beater, drinking his beer and essentially violating her essence so you grew up deeply committed to no woman ever being treated like your mom was treated. Therefore, every time you hear a man say "My woman," you're being triggered but that doesn't mean he's being an ass hole.
I'm certainly not promoting turning the other cheek for those who need help and I am absolutely not advocating for the lower energies that are not okay on any level.
What I am saying is...there are some incredibly smart women who want to be completely ravished by the unapologetic masculine and when the term "my woman," comes out...there is heat and juice and playfulness involved, not you are my property.
To understand the difference you have to be healed a little more, lived a little more, be a little wiser and understand there is a whole big world out there where people are making conscious choices that work for them and some of those choices are expanded choices even though that wouldn't work for you.
In other words, these women are not you or your mother or the women at the shelter and he is not your father or the other men or the violent men who haven't evolved.
In order to know this, you have to be present, mindful and stop shoving your way as the only way to be in connection.
My friends shared a story with me.
They were out on a hot date and they were having a blast -when a strange woman decided to lecture him for calling his lover "my woman"
She began to tell him all of the reasons why he should never ever ever call her (or any other woman on the planet) "his woman"
How she wasn't his property. On and on this woman went. He knows she's not his property and he said so. Gently, not in anger.
Now, my friends are conscious and aware that in this world, not everyone is as fortunate as they are. That there is domestic violence and it is true that when some men say "My Woman"-they do believe a woman is their personal property.
Their awareness combined with their clarity and no real need to have their love validated by strangers who don't have a clue on who they are, what works for them or how deeply they can trust their own love- they allowed the woman to do her thing.
Their individual self love is handled.
Their lover love for each other runs deep.
So much so...their cups runneth over to anyone in their world. Their generous with friends and family and the entire community. It's very sad to me that this woman didn't take the time to feel into that and instead decided to try and interfere in that. She missed out, big time.
There is no truth-no legitimacy to the theory that he should never ever call her "His Woman."
What stayed with me the most though... as they shared this story with me was the reverence they gave this woman and others like her.
They don't get angry, they don't change themselves or feed into strangers opinions, beliefs or do what someone may or may not thinks they should do. They don't listen to or allow others to be the expert of their love or tell them how to do love, partnership or connection.
They just do their love in alignment with their own natures and that works for them.
I love how their love handles those who feel they have a say in the matter.....
It's not a F'you-we are going to do our love our way. It's more like a "We respect you, we hear you, we will allow your voice to be heard in the same way we respect ourselves and each other-thank you for sharing and we are going to stay in our love because...our love is working very well for us.
They are BRILLIANT
He's clear..the term my woman is about her ultimate pleasure.
She's clear..his meaning is about her ultimate pleasure.
They are clear because they are experiencing ultimate pleasure.
It's that simple
I can almost see and hear them after this incident. I can see him lifting her into his arms as she wraps herself round him. I can almost hear her whispering in his ear "I am your woman. I want to belong to you." The next part of this scene that I can almost see, hear and even taste the goodness of it...the door would be closed because that's their private space to enjoy :)
But ultimately, they don't let anyone get between them. No third party influences have any power...and man...that is super hot.
This is me last night!
Now, it's Happy Hula Tuesday and Happy Hula Friday
But this Friday there is no class because it's a holiday here in Hawaii....
Statehood day...everything is closed...Therefore, this Tuesday's practiced is all there is this week.
But I stay in my hula skirt all day and night on Tuesdays. I come in and out of practicing things that I learned. Sometimes I need to do just a hand movement 50 to 100 or more times and I still don't have it right.
I love my kumu hula (Hula teacher)
Yesterday she stopped me and corrected my hand work.
This was very exciting to me because she told me she wouldn't be doing that until I became more grounded in other things. So naturally my conclusion upon her correcting my hand work was that I am getting better and more grounded at other things!
I think we all have our own growing edges. For me, If I don't push a little over my edge-I don't feel fulfilled.
But if I go too fast and too far over my growing edge - I feel too much stress, anxiety, and it feels like it is negatively impacting my ability to learn.
But here in Hawaii-with hula - between my teacher and my neighbor and my neighbors friend (who is also a Hula teacher) the very second I am no longer in the dance....where the beauty, fun and joy of the dance stops and the stress and anxiety comes in -they can not only see the difference-they can feel the difference.
That's when I hear things like "You stopped dancing" and I can feel this happening too. This has been more helpful to me than anything. As I can connect sensation and connecting sensation helps me learn.
After practice she told me she is noticing when I don't bend my knees I am not grounded in Hula and I get off beat.
I said I've noticed that too and I felt what happens to me is...I just get so excited, I'm having so much fun, I feel so good...I forget to bend my knees!!!!
She told me yes, she felt that was exactly what was happening and it's better to be excited and happy and learn how to keep bending one's knees rather than be unhappy and stressed about it.
Something really does happen inside of my body. I'm like that kid on stage who forgets because they feel so good and end up doing their own thing. One minute I'm in the zone and the next minute I'm in my own zone. Haha.
More importantly, it is great to be with humans who do not beat me up for being me, for being excited, for learning as I learn and all of that.
It is wild to me that I'm having so many memories flooding back to me these days.
For instance, there was this Eagles football player named T.O. I don't know anything about him except the negative framework around his inability to be a team player. I was a part of a women's organization for many years. I was deeply loyal, dedicated and a very excitable member. Ideas would literally shoot out of my head because I was that inspired to contribute. I was passionate and very self-expressed wanting to share my ideas. But I was told by the woman who led that organization that I was like T.O. Not a team player.
I lost some of my excitement, some of my passion and some of my sense of belonging and my desire to be a part of that organization that day some place deep inside. But I remained loyal to the essence of the org because the essence truly helped women.
I think a part of being a good leader is intuitive noticing in terms of the energy behind what's showing up.
It wasn't that I was T.O. It was that I was excited, inspired and wanted to contribute because I was excited and inspired. Had I been handled accurately from that subtle place, that would have been true leadership to me.
A few months ago I was in a conversation with a dear friend. He kept interrupting me but I could hear and feel he was just so very excited about sharing. He was just passionate about what he was saying. On his own he apologized for interrupting me and I acknowledged it felt like he was just excited.
He said "YES! That is exactly it!" and inside of this conversation he was set free from someone being angry at him for his excitement.
Life and connection -for me -lives in essence and it also lives in the subtle. It's very rich, thick and juicy there.
The other day my friend here said "Because to me, life is lyrical" when I asked her how she was so exquisite in how she articulated everything.
Lyrical: having an artistically beautiful or expressive quality.
Life as being artistically beautiful; having an expressive quality.
I really love that.
There is no end to what Hula is teaching me. I'm very grateful
How did I meet the Happiness Ambassador at Loving Life Radio? AKA
Ms Deb King from Sydney Australia?
That's the power of Unify Sisterhood Global....
I came across this video and I felt it move through me so deeply I watched is several times and it never got old....
Feel free to click the link above to learn more about Unify Sisterhood Global.
Deb and I were circle facilitators in our own communities. She was in Australia and I was here in Hawaii. Near the same time we joined their facebook page....and there you go......when a woman joins and facilitates something like this, I already know..we've got a foundational connection and she will resonate with me. I already feel safe.
Last week we met in person for the first time and we were connected, laughing and in resignation very quickly. She's lovely.
Long awesome story short, she came to my studio and introduced me to:
THE WISH GAME
Have you played this game?
from the Wish8 Website:
And YES! There is an APP for that :) Check it out
I loved this game. There is a brilliance about creating time, space and intention to feel into your wishes, your heart desires, your ultimate desires, the life you want to live.
This is the second gift bestowed upon me in the last few weeks! As my neighbor John Roberts, the creator of the "Heart Cards" was just here with me.
Both games...my hearts desire and my ultimate wish=the exact same thing....which is:
In the heart card game, there was a room. A temple, a place where my heart would be most fulfilled. There were details, certain colors, plants, candles, luxuries, softness, open uncluttered space...and so much more.
John Roberts said to me "It's your sacred place. Like a man cave...If you had a man cave what would it look and feel like? What would be in it?" (So funny)
I said "Oh, you mean my moon lodge!"
John Roberts "I LOVE THAT! Yes...you're going into your moon lodge..."
With all of the above there was another person there too and he was only allowed in my moon lodge because our connection was such that...his presence felt as enriching to me as the space itself.
There was no face, body type or any of that stuff....there was just a person in the room who was open to our connection being one where we enriched each other's lives.
I do have this very incredible, much more detail oriented sacred partner ideal vision recorded and written down some place, somewhere around here.
I created that after I began transcendental meditation at the Raj in Iowa. Where I spent 12 days living in alignment with the laws of nature. In my detailed Ideal life vision...a sacred partnership was one part of many parts, ((not the only part.))
Each evening, after incredible days of meditating, yoga, walks, rest, 3 hours of body treatments, incredible healing foods...in my most peaceful pure and soft place, the most conscious place within me ((with zero disturbances or influences from the outside world...))
I created a little bit of my ideal life vision in every area of life. By the time I left the Raj...it was all completed
Each element of life was designed by me from my own state of pure consciousness-sacred partnership included leaving space and room for the co-creative process.
In this way, he would need to actually exist in order for me to be in the co-creative process with him.
Recently the topic of partnership has been coming into my world from many different areas. Some more practical people worry about my leaving room and space for co-creation, warning me, if I'm fuzzy about things, I am leaving myself open to a potential negative experience. I disagree.
I'm not fuzzy, or uncertain...I just can't articulate the areas where I am intentionally leaving space, room and reverence for the person I haven't even met yet.
In this way..it feels like putting a lid or a limit on anything that hasn't even arrived yet.
As an example: Right now, I never -ever -ever want to leave this island. Not ever. I am deeply smitten with Hawaii.
But my ultimate hearts desire...my next adventure..the people places and things that could be where I belong and could be more than I have ever imagined....could also live somewhere like.... Paris or even South Dakota for all I know. There could be an entire vibrant life waiting for me some place else or we could decide to co-create our lives in such a way where we decide on part time here and part time somewhere else or any combination of things that I'm not desiring at this very moment but that doesn't mean I won't be open to expansion or things I haven't thought of.
I am not putting a lid on that...
By last week, as the lovely Deb King entered my life and in THE WISH game these elements were confirmed by cards like:
Divine Timing, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and other cards that resonate with me.
Besides, my life is so full...my cup already runneth over...I'm in that place I speak about often, I am in no rush and my life is now. Both things are equally true for me.
and in the end...my last card was this...
Kind heartedness is the key to your success. I can't even begin to share how much I love this because it is only inside of my ability to be kind that I feel like I am being my best most true self and I feel my most beautiful self. So that works for me.
Additionally..... in this game, there was also the "BLOCK" card. Which is the only card deck out of all of them that I wasn't thrilled about.
I do love to work with my own blocks, things inside of me that are getting in my own way from having what it is I want, but sometimes I need a break from that stuff and I need that break one week a month every month.
This just happened to be in that one week a month time period...
My block card said to stop making it harder, or that I was making it harder, or something of that nature.
My brain began to hurt with confusion. Which does happen to me sometimes in "that week," when something doesn't make logical sense to me.
I thought "how is it possible that I'm making something harder that doesn't even exist yet?" I was trying to connect some dots but it wasn't effortless for me and this card hit me in a way that Felt off and premature.
But then through the confusion...I recalled a recent discovery for self -in my Love Affair with Myself...yet through some connections with men.
Remaining in my feminine-is the answer for me. Because if a man drops the ball I will pick it up because I know how to lead with consistency and I have just discovered I have residue left over from my marriage where I can and will do it all because I can. But I don't want that anymore. It's bullshit to me now. (language for effect)
It just feels better and much more natural for me to remain in my feminine. Life is more lovely, effortless and everything flows.
One Fred/One Ginger
It's a metaphor. Not intended to invalidate the wholeness of my whole being. I am aware I have all energies in me but in the place where I am in the sacred connection.....
I am clear: I WANT TO BE GINGER!!!!!!
It seems to me, those who truly respect themselves don't have to fight for it and those who don't respect you-probably have area's where they don't respect themselves.
Self-Respect is the ultimate answer there....in my mind. I already have that. I'm swimming in that. Above and beyond and against others versions of what I need to do or prove myself to be in order to earn their respect. PoppyCock...save that nonsense for those who want your approval. I'm wild and often inappropriate...but I respect that about myself...
So...for me....I want to be cherished. I am clear (aka Ginger)
again...I want to feel into my womanhood. I'm the best playmate in that energy. I just am...
Let me just say this
"Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman's toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace."
This doesn't mean I don't have the capacity to have my masculine lead because I excel there too. In fact, if you don't lead I will because I can. But if I'm leading too much....my playfulness goes down and that means joy goes down with it. Why on earth would I want that?
I have this thing about being who I am vs others telling me who I should be, what I should want and what it all means...
As Christopher Ryan, PhD wrote:
A couple is composed of two complex individuals, each following his or her unique, rocky path through life. Sexual desire fluctuates for each of us in accordance with many factors: seasons, work and financial pressures, pregnancy and child-care issues, the death or suffering of loved ones, overall physical health, age, etc. It’s absurd and destructive to suggest that a mismatch of desire need result in a loss of all intimacy and that meaningful conversations come to a screeching halt.
He goes on to say:
In fact, couples might find themselves having the most meaningful conversations ever if they have the courage to talk openly about these fluctuations in desire.
That is me...for sure.
My wish is to be with my sacred partner and see what will work in our connection by co-creating it together. Not now, not in this exact moment...but...eventually....
My 3 action steps FROM THE WISH GAME: to be in alignment with what I want: are as follows:
1. Continue down the path of having a Love Affair with My Self
2. Focus on Hula
3. Remain in my feminine
This means, when some dude drops the ball...let him
I can do ALL OF THAT!!! are you kidding?
OH HOW FUN FUN FUN
Today was Kanikapila hana hou at Kualoa Ranch. The song selection today for Hula...I didn't know any of the songs. I knew one verse from one song. Yet, I'm now able to follow along to the songs I do not know...with some sense of flow..which makes it fun. There are two class's. The advanced class and the beginner class. I'm in the beginner class. Sometimes I know some of the songs now, sometimes I do not. Yet, improvements are being made and these outings are so lovely to me. I have a lot of appreciation for this monthly event.
After an amazing day...I developed a migraine headache. That is a rare occurrence for me personally. Yet a part of the mini hormonal shifting I am now experiencing.
Those started in the last 2 years, yet I can still count the # of migraine's I've experienced on one hand.
Additionally, I'm in day 25 of my cycle but September is approaching.
Every September and every may my cycle goes through a seasonal change-then returns to its regularly scheduled 28 day program.
Every single migraine headache that I have ever experienced in my lifetime has the following hormonal pattern:
Migraine - 3 hours-Get Period.
There has been no deviation from this patten. Therefore, it took less than 30 seconds to put together
Migraine + Seasonal change in cycle = I am about to get my period.
This early evening - as this started I began to do trigger point therapy over my occiput (the bone that makes up the back of the skull)
This does help. Tremendously. Then I palpated my frontal region to see if that was tender too and it was. Soft circular rubbing helps there too.
Shortly after working on myself I fell into a deep sleep for approximately 3 hours. I woke up just in time for my monthly visitor, migraine gone. Happiness.
My happiness was short lived because there was a new post headache symptom beginning.
The nausea I began to experience indicated to me I was perhaps experiencing the production of prostaglandins. ((Which serve the physiological function of preventing needless clot formation in our blood.)) This was new for me to experience however, I study everything hormone....
I found myself laying on my bed breathing deeply for approximately 35 minutes. That's when the nausea subsided.
I was able to get up and I felt like me again.
I must say I liked it so much better when I had an 8 hour period of euphoria-then got my period. That was so much more fun. This new little development essentially sucks.
Thinking more on this, through the years the women who have endured the physical symptoms such as headaches, cramps and other things...I always thought to myself "I'd rather experience that then my mood swings!"
Now that I'm being blessed with all of it, I retract all the years of that internal thought dialogue. If I had to pick -I'd rather be a moody sensitive cry baby who flips out here and there when my boundaries aren't being honored than this nonsense.
But there is also an additional element to these headaches. Pre-headache -I experience a night of insomnia. Yet, Insomnia has lasted more than one night now....
Did you know:
"Sleep deprivation makes the brain more sensitive to the rewarding properties of food, says study author Pleunie Hogenkamp, Ph.D. Meaning: When your eyelids droop, temping foods seem much more delicious, so you’re more likely to want them in larger quantities."
This week started out awesome. Healthy sleep. Healthy choices. And there was a return of the Protein my body needs. I felt more amazing than I normally do during my PMS. A part of that also is how I now honor my body when it needs sleep. I was zooming.....
Then generous humans began coming to my door with treats. By the time I was given 6 poi donuts (to try for the first time) I had already selected the neighbors I would be gifting these items to...
It just so happened that this Sunday was Kanikapila. Everyone brings something to share... It is only because of the Kanikapila that I know about Chun Wah Kam
I now know what is inside of those boxes and how very delicious it all is (Why it's a local favorite)
Which is totally cool to have this one time per month (I've already decided that) but this week I had the other stuff too...all contributing factors in what I get to experience during my more hormonal flux days...
I am about one month away from turning 47 years old.
PERIMENOPAUSE: (Is there a pre-perimenopause?)
It usually starts in a woman's 40s, but can start in her 30s or even earlier.
The average length of perimenopause is 4 years, but for some women this stage may last only a few months or continue for 10 years. Perimenopause ends when a woman has gone 12 months without having her period.
I see this as, just another transition. Yet, one I'm now a little more prepared for due to all of the other life transitions I've already experienced. In this way, I will move into it and do what I can organically and naturally. I wouldn't say I'm thrilled by these shifts but I would say I'm glad to be alone to handle them in my own way without interference and I have some amazing women in my life who have already been here and done that....they have empathy, understanding, wisdom to share with me...as that's what we do for one another, isn't it?
Now I am going to plan out this entire month body, mind and spirit. I want to see what happens next month at this time...In the meantime:
This weeks topics seemed to be..
EQUALITY IN CONNECTION
In my mind and from a connection standpoint: We are already equal. This doesn't mean I feel obligated to be friends or hang out with everyone, nor does it mean we will connect deeply. The equality I am referring too also- does not negate areas of expertise, skill sets or other realms of reality, it co-exists with reality.
As an example:
You wouldn't put a scalpel in my hands and say "now perform brain surgery" because I am not only not qualified (equal to a brain surgeon) -I would probably faint if you asked me to do that.
Yet.... if you're a brain surgeon and we meet outside of surgery at a swanky Jazz club and we both love Jazz.. we could easily connect in other ways. I will have reverence for that calling, the education and intelligence required....However, just because someone has that calling, doesn't mean I'm less than in our connection. It just means, you don't come to me for your brain surgery, that wouldn't be wise.
I feel this way with teachers and mentors too. I am very coachable and an excellent student-but there are "only if's and only as far as's" with me.
Only if: I have consented-agreed or I've literally registered and there is an agreement.
Only as far as: what our teacher/mentor -student connection is designed to be and only on the topic of what is being taught or mentored.
If a teacher or mentor needs me to be their clone-at the expense of my true self-we're heading into territory that I never agreed on.
That doesn't mean I don't respect my mentor or my teacher. It just means I respect myself too.
I think it would behoove mothers and stepmothers to realize they are actually equal as people. If everyone would get out of the way and leave these two women to it...they would understand there is very normal and often necessary period of power struggle-until these women find their own natural rhythm with one another. Having the awareness that they are both equal and starting from that place (which lives away from roles, titles or biological factors) harmony may be more likely...eventually.
I once had a partner who absolutely LOVED to let me know what "most people," thought and how most people lived in the world- but only within the contextual frame work where the intention was to validate his world view and invalidate mine.
Eventually I stopped having intellectual conversations with him because his intellect was the only intellect allowed in the room. Well, I mean...his and "most people." Whereas, my intellect saw no value in trying to move through all of that congestion.
It wasn't necessarily " Christina, don't throw your pearls at swine" as much as it was "Christina...reserve your intellectual energy for people and places where there is an actual welcome sign on the door!"
That is...eventually. At first either my feelings would be hurt or I would fight. But as my dear friend Dr PK Roberts likes to say "I was just fighting with the wind."
Years ago I connected with a famous person, ((up close and personal)) we were grooving in the club. He was digging me and I was digging him.
But then he got a terrible attitude because when he introduced me to his personal body guard, I was fascinated and wanted to know what it was like to be a personal body guard. I had a few questions. The entire inquiry took 2 minutes tops.
There were at least 30 other women fawning all over him but his attention was focused on letting me know- he didn't like that I was talking to his body guard. That was such a turn off for me that I walked away.
In those days I was a butterfly on the dance floor. If you wanted my undivided attention- you needed to grab me and get it vs expect to just have it because-you're you. That's just the way I was (and still am sometimes)
Don't get me wrong, I love VIP treatment the same as the next gal. I'm very comfortable in the VIP room. Feels like home to me...but I will pass if it is looking or feeling like I have to be someone other than myself in order to enter the room, I'd rather not be there.
There isn't anything in me that wants to be where the fullness of being me isn't allowed. More so now, than ever before...
LOVE this quote by Marianne Williamson. I believe if a woman read this, took some time to get mindful, recalled several of her life experiences with men...much of what she feels has been done to her would flat away, replaced by the empathy and compassion as she has the realization that this is a part of it. More importantly.... that although it was never about her, There is a part in most of us..where we have been spoiling men with false reverence instead of letting them know what true respect looks and feels like from us.
In this way...thing become softer....somehow....
A partner once said to me ((as our connection was shifting form:) "You won't learn a thing because you're beautiful so you'll just get someone else quickly and not do your work. All of your blind spots will remain the same"
What a fascinating and intriguing theory smothered in ego with an extra large side order of pure projection.
I had no where to go with that one. Some projections are just so crystal clear-it's like being hit with a stun gun. You just can't speak. It's an interesting experience to have...
In hindsight as I connect to our connection....to his limited toward me theory and then read Marianne Williamson's words...Resignation hits me ever so softly...
His ultimate desire from me was that I provide him with false reverence that the world gave him for his image, his beauty and ultimately, his money.
I wasn't able to do that...as the rest of the world did....it was just time to
WALK ON....If you know what I mean...
You could have flown away
A singing bird
In an open cage
Who will only fly
Only fly for freedom
Am I the ONLY human on the planet who is so sick of the whole mantra:
"Don't be a victim
Don't play a victim
you're a victim
stop being a victim
Can we have another word please?
For me this feels over used and abused and therefore-carelessly tossed about.... here
No matter what
no matter who...
In my mind:
It's really only useful to those it actually serves and you have to be at a certain place in your development for that to serve you.
Otherwise - all you are doing is kicking a human being while they are already down.
Side tracking them, distracting them.
Giving them just one more thing to feel bad about themselves.
Or, you're driving that victim consciousness into the ground or back under the rug because many people will do whatever it takes to NOT be seen or called a victim
After all...no one likes a victim....and many people who like to "look good," will bury that but still carry that.
How is this helpful?
I feel the same way about how carelessly everyone tosses around the term Narcissist.
Don't be a victim, and don't be a narcissist either...be perfect...
As if anyone has actually perfected being a human being.
There was a time when I was deeply committed to eradicating my own victim consciousness and I am absolutely certain - I have violated other human beings "thinking," I was doing them some big favor, giving a gift, contributing to them. I'm sure I pretended I was applying what is known as rigorous compassion.
But if victims annoy you...you're not bashing them because you care. You're bashing them because they are annoying you. If someone playing the victim makes you feel sick...that says a lot. Not about them, about you.
But if you walk away because you have the wisdom to know that they need to be alone on their path right now and you can't help or serve them...but there is no stuff on it....that too says a lot..Not about them, about you.
just my thoughts...
There really are humans whom the rigorous compassion and shouting out "VICTIM" will work and it will serve them. In this way, it's a part of the path.
But for me at this point in my life... it's so boring...and a lot of the time, one dimensional unconsciousness. We often lack awareness that not everyone is in the same place.
I've got a few friendships where we hold each other to account. Integrity wise-yes but mostly: Integrity being personal integrity and that varies.
In this way, our holding each other to account ultimately means....Knowing someone so deeply that you know when they are out of alignment with what they have said their biggest and greatest desire is for themselves. Not what you think their biggest or greatest desire should be...
In this realm, no one feels it's necessary to do the "you're being a victim" thing.
Because at this point in our lives, we know when we are doing that, and we know there is treasures to be found in staying in it just long enough to get the treasures and get the hell out of there-on our own.
Sexual fluidity is one or more changes in sexuality or sexual identity (sometimes known as sexual orientation identity). There is significant debate over whether sexuality is stable throughout life or is fluid and malleable. Scientific consensus is that sexual orientation, unlike sexual orientation identity, is not a choice.
Okay...The actual definition goes on and on and on. It seems to me, there is nothing new sexually speaking. All anyone has to do is educate themselves using ancient times and history and learn from the indigenous cultures, their reverence and regard for ALL LIVING THINGS and ALL forms of sexuality as a person is. But I leave this up to the professionals and experts..which I am not.
But I was thinking...
I love OSHO. Many things he says resonate with me. But this is not one of them because I have had sex before I was a dedicated meditator and after that desire to reproduce and I have experienced a new birth making me a new human being....through sex. That's just my experience though.
What about Sexual Fluidity for the Enlightenment Guru?
Spiritual gurus have been known to not be so perfectly perfect in this arena.
I often wonder why the reverence people give to gurus isn't balanced with the awareness that they are still human beings.
Being a leader comes with a level of responsibility and some people do not become leaders because they could never endure the level of responsibility a leader must be willing to take on. Sexuality is in there. Not so much from a morality standpoint (to me) but a basic human kindness, compassion and awareness sense of responsibility. "Do NO Harm" consciousness.
It seems to me....
If you're an enlightenment Guru-you would know when someone is looking upon you as if you are God in an empowered way vs a disempowered way and you would also be completely aware that you are in fact NOT GOD.
If you're an enlightened person...you would have the capacity to feel into your own desire and know if and when it is coming from ego or your higher self. This is a huge part of being on the enlightened path. In my opinion
I'm no one's guru (except my own) and I absolutely know when I'm in a dark place, a superficial place, trying to fill a void that can't be filled. When I'm light hearted and playful...and when I'm in my own magic. I understand what I'm attracting and why. I know what my psyche can and can not handle.
I also know what it feels like to be in the depth of grief after the death of your off spring.
"Make me feel good."
Monster Ball was NOT one of my favorite movies, yet...That scene...after she lost her son and the pressure of the grief mixed with motherly guilt was so overwhelming she couldn't stand being in her own skin because every cell in your body, every muscle, including every inch of your skin hurst that bad....in that place...there is a natural desire for relief. In this scene she reaches out for sex "Make me FEEL GOOD!"
I just need to feel good. I just want to feel good.
YES! I have been there. There is a connection that makes sense, at least to me.
Our children come to us from our having sex. They come out through our feminine and are fed by our feminine. The same areas are involved here. This is not rocket science.
In my life, with other loss...I did not feel this urgency or reach for sex when my grandmother died, or when my uncle died, or when anyone whom I ever loved very much or cared for very deeply died.
I only felt this specific sense of sexual urgency right after we buried Donovan. The relief was fleeting. It did not last long, yet any relief was better than no relief. It was intense, raw, deep and honestly, beautiful too.
I am no one's guru, yet I also know when a man is reaching from a dark place, or from that superficial place (no evolution past the groin,) or if he's reaching from a light place wanting to play with me or an empty place....
And that other place too...
That other place where he is looking to experience the magic, juice or potential healing and in that place ....there is an incredible energetic quality to it -it's life additive for him and for me. I can't be the only woman on the planet who has experienced that moment where you sense "This man just healed something in me."
In my mind: If you're going to be an enlightenment guru of any sort and you can't feel these things instinctively or you aren't enlightened enough to sense or know-the person you are about to take into your bed is going to be harmed by the experience - there is some work to do there but I'm not sure celibacy is the wiser choice for the guru.
It seems to me that could potentially stunt the gurus growth and ability to sharpen their sexual enlightenment tool box.
Stunting their ability to move through to advancement and feel into the psyche of another human being-To develop the capacity to feel into their own ego gratification and their innocence and be able to know the difference yet in either case, if the desire is ego or innocence, to still be able to have the capacity to feel into the other human being more deeply. That is also a path that would lead to mastery.
Celibacy post scandal -seems like it could have value for some and there also feels like there is another option for others -where they could master their own desire by breathing into it instead of shutting it.
Maybe there could be a flowing river for them without any crazy scandal or "the guru damaged me -fall out if they were allowed to move through it like the rest of us.
Allowing for.....Sexual Fluidity...
Don't get me wrong, every choice is honored by me personally. Celibacy is a very beautiful choice to make....as long as that choice comes from and belongs to the person who is making that choice
Just thinking out loud here....
I love this image by Margaret Macdonald.
This has been me this week. Sleeping more... sometimes my psyche gets tired and the remedy is sleep.
I'd say, from a collective standpoint it would be a part of the natural grieving process. All of that intense happenings, the heightened political focus...it's been intense and therefore a lot... at least for me...
Today is Soul Sunday and the theme of rest and taking it easy continues for me. I picked up Marianne Williamson's book:
Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships
*Everything I'm about to share from her book can freely be read on amazon
The rest of my blog will be MARIANNE'S BRILLIANCE
"Most of the time we fall in love but can not stay there. The world then calls the state we were in a delusion or an infatuation. But we were not deluded, we were not just infatuated. We merely lacked, or someone else lacked, the emotional skills to hold on to the magic when the morning came. Later we would tell ourselves that the moment of magic had not been real..."
She goes on to say:
"We invented the lie as a way to face the disappointment of having been to the moon on a starlit night, and then fallen back down to what can seem like such a barren earth."
"That lie is little more than a social conspiracy. It gives it's adherence a pervasive kind of comfort to think that our basic lack of courage is some form of psychological health.
Her spiritual wisdom:
"Forget your old ideas, forget the lies you were told. Forget them all and you will begin to remember. There is a realm of romantic enchantment that makes the world we are currently living in seem not so very important, and not so very real.
That realm is entered...two by two. It's not just an emotional vacation spot, but in fact our newest spiritual frontier."
On another page Marianne Williamson writes:
I used to have a thing about mermaids
I met men who were lost at sea. I would meet them and lift them up, send them home, and help them get their land legs back.
But then I would have to go back into the ocean because I had only a fishtail.
I envied the women with land legs, who got to greet these men on the return and stay with them back on shore.
I pitied myself all the lonely nights I spent swimming alone in a tempestuous sea, the stars above my only companions between rendezvous with drowning sailors.
"When she was a very young child, I read the little mermaid to my daughter many times, and it was way too close to home.
The mermaid Ariel got a different ending then I always got. At the end of the story she got to stay with Prince Eric and be in his world, and she didn't have to be a mermaid anymore.
Something in me wanted that for myself. I would tell my Eric's that I was going to do it their way, but then I found myself so bored in their world.
Yes I wanted to be one of those land girls, but on another level I clearly didn't.
I found I couldn't live without swimming, no matter how much I said otherwise. My tempestuous sea was a magical sea.
And I didn't just enjoy the stars shining down on the ocean in the middle of the night; I finally realized I need them.
If I had to choose between Eric and the sea, I was clearly more drawn to the sea.
I saw that I wasn't made for Eric's world, and what I really wanted was a man who can swim without my help.
"What I wanted was not a knight on a white horse. What I wanted was a knight on a dolphin, and ultimately that is what I found."
"For I learned some things about the Eric's of the world. They are bored here, too. They want enchanted swims in the middle of the night, and are as open to the mermaid who swims them out to sea as to the mermaid who swims them back to land."
"Mystical love, like mystical anything, exists in a different realm of consciousness then the one that dominates our daily lives. Emotional enchantment is conjured up, brought forth, and summand from the underworld. It is not neurosis but mystical talent to know that and to know how to do it."
"In every woman, there is a latent priestess with the ability to invoke that realm.
Mermaids are a kind of sexual music, singing of a higher, more subtle, more magical dimension of life and love.
In the enchantment romantic sea, we all have the power to heal and be healed.
In love, in that place, is a temple garden. Sex, in that place, is the door to the temple and in that temple lies the power of God."
I just really love her work, wisdom and magic. She's a true gift to the world. One of my absolute favorites...
So today I'm just sharing.....
There is nothing Madison Avenue can give us that will make us more beautiful women. We are beautiful because God created us that way. Some of us know of our beauty and express it and celebrate it. But beauty itself is not given to us by anyone; it is a power we have within us from the gate, radiance inside us.
I was thinking about the collective consciousness as it relates to body image for girls and women. The other day I watched this trailer to this movie:
"Darling Girl....Don't waste a single moment of your life being at war with your body."
In this short clip, we learn: 91% of women hate their body.
While I'm certain the actual movie has more elements in it, once again we hear about the media's role in the 91%. I get it, it makes sense....
However...because of the work I do, how many woman I've connected with, the observations I've made and of course...there is that little thing of me -being -me....I view this pervasive number as much more complex than just being about the media.
This insidiousness lives and breaths in women, against themselves and each other and honestly.... Many mothers gift their daughters with their own body image issues even if they don't mean to do so and some mothers...absolutely mean to do so because their mother's meant to do so....
“The story doesn't begin with grown women being massacred in the workplace or in the press. It begins with innocent little girls who become convinced, for whatever reason, that the girl within them isn't good enough.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Woman's Worth
I remember being a young impressionable girl as my feet kept growing It wasn't really men who had a huge influence over me... as much as it was the women and the shoes I admired that created something around this for me.
I remember shorter-thin women judging my taller-thicker body. I could feel this and I wasn't even a teenager yet. That wasn't the biggest of deals to me though...
At all times, all humans are seeing through the lens that belongs to them. From their perspective, thoughts, Ideals, and their own point of reference.
In this case-I was made very much aware of what a woman's size shoe should be....vs what my shoe size was turning out to be!
I had about a minute where I could fit in my mothers shoes before my feet just kept growing.
I would love someone's shoes and that usually somehow led to a grown woman saying to an 11, 12 and then 13 year old me "Wow, you have BIG feet!" Like the wolf in the Red Riding Hood Story "My, what big feet you have..." OUCH....
Either that, or when someone would offer I try them on, they did not fit. It was very confusing because I wasn't one of those evil stepsisters in cinderella but I could feel there was something amiss. Not intentionally, just unconsciously.
There are some things you have no control over. Things like, who your parents are, the number of siblings you have, the neighborhood you grow up in, how tall you grow, or the size of your feet.
There really was nothing I could do about the size of my feet.
In the end:
I had to grow into my own feet from a psyche standpoint. It was either that or I could just stop befriending petite women with little feet who didn't really mean anything by it. To them and their Dante little lives-my feet were huge and that's the thing.....
Perception is everything and perception usually exists from where that person stands, their upbringing and more. If you're standing in size 5 shoes my size 10 is double. Of course my feet are huge to you. If you've been in a neighborhood where your smallness is somehow considered more feminine or more attractive, you will pick up that consciousness.
If you are 4 foot 9 and you stand next to me at 5 foot 9...I am a foot taller than you...Therefore...I am a giant. To you. Not to everyone on the planet though.. Or in reverse...either way...these are the little subtle things that go down...
The whole "REAL WOMEN" concept.
What is that?
I don't understand.
Every time I see a REAL WOMAN-has curves, is short, is tall, is this or is that...I cringe on the inside for all of us.
Why are we still allowing ourselves to be a part of the cause of the over all problem? Real women come in all different shapes and sizes... However, we also live in a culture that shames everyone for everything at all times. Our obsession with weight is a form of insanity in all of us and we are all guilty at some point in our lives.
The lack of consciousness in us women....is probably where we can hit the nail on the head, so much more so than going outward to blame the media...cause if we started with ourselves and each other....there would be a shift. But that is a very TALL ORDER (No pun intended there)
If we are going to talk about media...imaging....How about this goddess-coming in and SMASHING the mold....Oh RIGHT ON!!!!
In 1989 she was named by Elle as one of the five most beautiful women in the world. She appeared in several Elle layouts in the late 1980s and early 1990s. She has appeared on the covers of Outside, Shape , Women's sports and fitness, and life magazine.
Guess what size shoe she wears? Shoe Size: 12
She is fierce to behold in every way...
Or this little piece of information for those who are model-centric:
Roman Young, an agent at Elite Model Management in Manhattan, confirms that the average shoe size for models has climbed to a 9 or a 10, matching their statuesque height (the average is 5 feet 9 inches or 5 feet 10 inches).
I'm not built anything like any of those goddess's and it's been years since I've had any self hatred regarding the size of my own feet...
However; if I had a daughter who outgrew my shoes.....I would absolutely teach her how to research and use the media to work in her favor. That's where I would spend my time and focus. Primarily because her brain is still developing, she's getting hit with messages at home- from me and anyone else in our home, at school, on T.V. even on the soccer field. Everywhere she goes....there is no stopping that unless you put her in a bubble and don't let her out until she's 25 years old. Tempting but limiting her ability to grow- doesn't help.
There are just so many amazing women role models of every shape and size doing amazing things in all area's of life that any girl can connect or identify with. Saturate her existence with the good, the positive and more. When we do that, her ability to remain true with what feels right and what feels wrong to her...will remain intact. She will also be able to spot a bully from a mile away because she will be able to feel the difference.
Of course I don't know this for sure, it's just what I would do if I was raising a daughter in our culture now.
My stepdaughter (still my stepdaughter in my heart) I'm no longer in that role with her, however, I hope I served her well as it relates to these types of things.
Let's take this momma goddess....calling out all other mom's with the
"What's your excuse?"
While this doesn't induce warm and fuzzy feelings...This actually did work. For her and the women who were inspired by her. She became a media sensation, her book sales went up and she actually inspired other mothers to stand up for themselves. The backlash of her being seen as bullying other mom's didn't stop her, didn't change her..she stayed true to her values, beliefs and thoughts. Unapologetically. Her apology was literally a non-apology which actually made her even more popular.
Why did this baiting toward other moms work?
Because of the 91% and because being a mother, being responsible for other human beings and/or being outnumbered can take over a woman's entire existence at the expense of everything else...including herself. And sometimes she will need something as simple as this to get her to pay attention to what is true for her. For another woman, this feels like bullying, for another woman, this is completely meaningless. Who cares...
It really just depends.
As far as Maria Kang goes....
Ms Kang was competing in beauty and fitness competitions since she was a teenager. She stopped to get her degree in college, developed an eating disorder. Which means, this mother who is baiting other mothers of young children has been in the 91% too. She fits into our culture, the very well known "Freshman 15" and more.
Clearly, she feels passionate about what she feels passionate about because she's been a woman in the 91% herself.
Hard to know that truth when you're looking at this young mother in the image and she's in your face comparing herself to other women in that way...I think that's what's missing and if she just took a minute to be more authentic about what it was like for her to be a young woman with an eating disorder...she could have helped so many more women...
I'd love to see her going into colleges to talk about that...and how she got her own power back...
It's usually harder to reconcile a woman this pretty, petite or fit could actually still be in the 91%
Unless someone is overweight or severely underweight it is not detectible and most women will look at you and roll their eyes if you even mention you hate some part of your body.
We often exist on a surface level. Not fat, not skinny-you must be fine, healthy and good to go. Clearly, the 91% says otherwise....
The Multi-Service Eating Disorder Association (MEDA) cites the following statistics on college students eating disorders:
15% of women 17 to 24 have eating disorders
40% of female college students have eating disorders
91% of female college students have attempted to control their weight through dieting***There is that 91% again....
The truth that exists underneath of the media.....
Women shame each other all the time for various reasons. Physically, psychologically, sexually, socially and more. Covertly and Overtly.
"Darling Girl....Don't waste a single moment of your life being at war with your body."
Easier said than done but it can be done....it starts with us women, collectively....just my opinion....
How is this body-image thing going for men these days?
A new study published in Psychology of Men and Masculinity last month spliced survey results of over some 100,000 heterosexual and 5,000 gay people, age 18 to 65, and found that men and women, gay and straight, no matter their age, all seem to be equally unhappy with their bodies. But instead of uniting us all in the bond of universal body shame, it’s tearing us apart.
Michel Horvat, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles states: “It just doesn’t get talked about that much. We are sold on what women want as much as women have been sold on what men want.”
An interesting scene from the movie: P.S. I Love You
Denise Hennessey: [Denise is admiring Ted as he walks by] Ooohhh, he's delicious, isn't he? I'd serve coffee on that ass.
John McCarthy: Do you have to be so vulgar about men? Like they're pieces of meat?
Denise Hennessey: Sorry, John. I forgot you're sensitive about your flat ass.
John McCarthy: You know, Denise, that's why you're not married. Women act like men, then they complain men don't want them.
Denise Hennessey: Oh, is that why?
Denise Hennessey: Oh. Okay. Because I thought it was something different. I thought that it was because I thought I deserved the best and he's out there. He's just with all the wrong women. And let me be clear. After centuries of men looking at my tits instead of my eyes and pinching my ass instead of shaking my hand, I now have the divine right to stare at a man's backside with vulgar, cheap appreciation if I want to!
Sharon McCarthy: Well said!
Denise Hennessey: I thought so.
That scene made me laugh...she has a point...and if you're a woman...you get the truth underneath the humor of this scene....
Yet, what made the moments in this movie so fun for us women...was scene's like this one. Maybe not the perfect example because it is Gerald Butler after all...but his ability to be playful, fun and make fun of himself -where his wife is laughing....that's the intimacy most of the conscious women I know are looking for.
Make a woman laugh and you're more than half way there......(usually)
What is the difference between a man or woman who looks at me and sees my beauty and goodness vs the man or woman who looks at me and doesn't because all they can see are my flaws?
The difference lives in them. Not me. It's impossible for me to not know this.
There was this woman in my neighborhood a while back. At first, when we spoke she would look down at my belly as she rubbed her 6 pack abs or lifter her shirt to expose her abs. Young woman. Competitive woman. That's what some unconscious competitive women do.
Instead of just pretending that wasn't happening. I would say "Is there a reason you're staring at my stomach?" Eventually she stopped and that had zero to do with me or my belly. At the same time, for me...
her focus was very strange. I could feel there were joys, shares and laughter stuck some place underneath her obsession with body image. With abs. With her abs vs my abs.
At the very same time as that is happening -by that evening I could be lounging around with a person who is rubbing my belly with care and a great deal of love and that becomes mindless movement as we are chatting -but because the focus is caring and love...its workable and its workable because it's based on connection
And ....that is what I do every morning anyway. I rub my entire body with a great deal of love and appreciation.
This is not rocket science here.
“Experience life in all possible ways --