There are many roads to transformation. As we read "courage Unleashed Unexpectedly on page 67, we understand life happens naturally, on the spot with no warning and we are changed. Not seeking change, it just happens. Or when we read "My Mother's Son” on page 72 where we are young and lose the one person we thought we couldn't live without and in the process of grieving, we discover ourselves. These are natural evolutionary forms of transformation. However, there are also many different ways a person can intend to have a transformation.
That’s a book excerpt from Stories of Courageous Vulnerability.
I wrote that.
Primarily because we had so many authors who had these amazing stories that happened organically. Without any extra forced growth laid upon them.
It was as simple as life experiences being experienced as people lived their own lives.
Also because many of those stories were true life stories with no help what-so-ever from any transformation organization.
Many of those stories were simply the amazing people in my life who had these amazing stories to share and because I invited them to share them.
No money involved.
No reward other than sharing yourself to help others who may be touched by your story.
And perhaps an inward personal reward for weaving your life story together to experience something amazing for yourself.
Wow. My life story. Weaving in some of the things that make me who I am today. That’s amazing. I can see it. I can feel it...my own journey. How amazing.
What taught someone to be a good listener? LIFE
What caused someone’s courage to be activated? LIFE
What had someone recognize they have already lived 9 lives in one life? LIFE.
The simplicity of LIVING.
Truth at the level the truth existed for these humans.
The heart and the soul of the book lives inside of the authors real life stories shared. Every single author.
Don’t get me wrong I LOVE and am grateful for all that Landmark Education has given me and others who participate. For me, that includes insights and amazing people who I am fortunate enough to have in my life. I still do invite and encourage those I feel Landmark can serve -to move through the first three courses and from there whatever they want is up to them. I’ve had many people take the forum only and get what they wanted directly after that. So this is in no way against an organization that does incredible things.
Trusting my own heart vs trusting the way an organization sets up a game and how people who may be loyal to an organization may not be able to see within the game, within the book itself....there are many roads to transformation.
In addition to that, this awareness was one of the BIGGEST agreements between my husband and I before I was willing to even say yes to being on “Team.”
I had so many things I needed his agreement on before I was going to be a yes. The process of him getting my agreement took weeks! I was no-ing him left and right!
I really would have been so much happier to continue my own growth my way as I supported him in his growth journey his way.
velocity vs Depth.
there was so much loyalty to the organization as if the organization is God.
The pressure I felt around that God consciousness was extreme for me personally. As was all that forced growth 24/7 for an entire year.
I was not happy when my husband told me people had convinced him to go into the next big thing in the organization. Not because I didn’t want him to grow his way, but because we actually needed him to lead at home. Even if it was just for a week or a month and then go sign up again. I had been holding him with other things for a very long time and I would have preferred some sense of our full reality, which included two homes, two kids, three other parents, two cats, 18 chickens, my business, my magazine. Plus a few other things that I was holding together by myself and not very well because that was far too much to dump on me (the few other things) and not he willing to take time to integrate before jumping into a seriously rigorous year long program that would continue to force me into the position of being both mom and dad and all other things by myself. I was thinking maybe don’t let me drown inside of all the things you have wanted and have added into our lives and maybe take some time to integrate transformation. Just a week, just a month and then go for it. I need you. We need you. Our life needs your leadership here-at home.
This willingness to skip over a persons full reality to get their next big get and if your spouse says please no, you’re convinced to convince your spouse to sign up with you.
Just...bring them into the organization.
Actually, I’m already in the organization. I don’t need to be convinced, I love the organization already.
However, What I need is for my husband to take a minute to integrate and bring home what he has learned. You’ve taken 15 communication courses -you’re a ninja now, right? So let’s see it here where you live in action because you keep telling me you are doing it “for us.”
So let’s see it.....let’s see you bring it back into the home with the people whom you say you are doing it for.
Just a week...maybe a month....
That is what my serious weeks long NO was really about. The truth that existed for me.
Yet through our negotiations as husband and wife in our back yard in the space between him and I, we began to talk about each of us writing our own stories in the book that was being created in our back yard.
I was the mans wife and in being his wife I had access to the truth of his story day in and day out for many years. I was living inside that story. And it was my absolute dream that my husband would be able to tie all of his truths together and heal that exact story because it was impacting our now. Same as my grief story was.
That is what took my no to a yes in that moment in our back yard where I could feel my no melting to a yes as I looked over at him.
Also, at no time in our marriage was he ever remotely interested in developing a magazine or a book of stories. In this way his game choice was to have me on his team. His other idea was a fitness game. Which I would have also been a good fit on team for that too since I have that skill set from graduating from the National School of Personal trainers and also the National school of nutrition. But that game did not appeal to me at that time -on any level.
That was actually his first choice in the game he wanted to play for his team game.
This information fits under what people don’t know, that they don’t know.
Yet there were breakdowns that were rather cruel and unnecessary as far as I was concerned. Ones that had a severe negative impact on me, my life and my family.
He arrives and every yes turned into a no. No you may not place the 500 copies underneath each seat. Some of those no’s were the same people who said yes.
My husband calls me from Seattle and now I’m talking to a completely different man. He is no longer inspired. He was disheartened at a level that was absolutely heartbreaking. His faith and trust in the organization had been shattered.
Yet it did not stop there. My husband returned home with his inspiration deflated as he began his journey into trying to reconcile his faith in the organization. This did not happen over night. This took several weeks and as it took several weeks he dropped out of leadership in his own game because now he was needing to reconcile how he felt about the organization on an integrity level.
The worst part was, the no was used in an insidious way. “Can you handle a no?”
With zero regard for how deeply that moment changed the energy inside of our home. I was pissed off at that for a very long time. Because to me, that lacks integrity at a level I am not okay with and also that impacted everything.
I believe that is a very cruel unnecessary way to move someone into leadership and I witnessed the impact on my husband and as his wife -I was once again left with having to decide.
Am I willing to screw over every person who took the time to share their courageously vulnerable story just to let him get his cruel and unnecessary leadership lesson, let everything fall apart or do I just hold it all and allow him the time to reconcile his faith as I keep going?
Hitting me in that deep place that I try to work with mothers and stepmothers in not using or confusing someone’s husband with someone’s father.
I’m telling Dad. And I’m telling Dad because you are not giving me what I want.
There was a lot of that actually. And that was one of the exact things my husband and I spoke on before I said yes to being on team.
We had all kinds of people in our world. We had mutual landmark friends and we had our own landmark friends. And we had a lot of people sticking their nose in our marriage rather than staying focused on the game. I have all the information from that moment in our back yard. Every human beings story in the book plus all editors plus more and I am willing to take the time to share why the no is a no and that wasn’t enough because...l was “The Wife”
My husband and I were at the reading terminal one day getting fresh fish to make sushi. A call came in and he had to tell this person whatever my wife says stands before the brutality stopped. We had this life, these homes, these kids. These other parents who all mattered a great deal in our lives. We had our own grief stories being healed at deeper levels and people came into our lives with that bullshit. Non stop.
It was beyond rude to me because never would I use or damage anyone’s marriage to get what I wanted from one spouse or the other. Not even my own parents.
So I had to dig very deeply a lot and sometimes I just could not take it another second because the violation of my values was way over the top for me. Way way way over the top.
My husband received all the accolades, all the credit, all the applause and he was like “YA ME” and I thought. Yep and there it is...
It really was okay with me except in the four walls of our home. A thank you from him would have been nice.
And then there was another landmark course to take right away for an additional 24/7. No stops. No breaks. No integration and no love or intimacy where a husband and a wife could take the time to lean in to share in their own stories in the book and see what dan be created now. Nope. The non stop call to action to take from your own home to give to the world ....kept on keeping on.
I hired one editor to comb over the entire book and I hired one graphic designer to redo the cover. Through that process we had two more incredible people who aren’t in the organization add one of their courageously vulnerable stories to the book.
It also seemed to be clear to me that at the time of the creation of this book everyone also had their own full lives with ups and downs and stress and loved ones and wins and losses and breakdowns and breakthroughs.
What that means is that I also don’t know what I don’t know too and it sure is nice to be able to reconcile with people who want to be free and can own their part in any equation without more damage.
This book is a part of my marriage story. It’s a part of my marriage. In the same way our stories shared in the book was the solution to our marriage. I would have loved for our union to have been seen as important enough to spend time with one another -sharing our thoughts and feelings about our grief stories. I would have loved a moment in time where people cared about our union in a real way vs taking sides or sticking their nose into a marriage that wasn’t their place. I would have loved that.
There were no women willing to skip over any other woman’s union to get what they wanted from someone else’s husband. And these were business oriented incredible women who were not just making a difference in the world, they were also incredible wives and mothers. I noticed there seemed to be room and respect to hold it all and there was no woman pitching against someone’s marriage when one woman didn’t get her way from another woman. There was no “I’m going to skip past you, disrespect your union and tell your husband on you” None is that existed. And I needed none of that to exist. It was exactly what I needed to be around.
I witnessed these women’s marriages working with no interference. I thought to myself. I thought so.
There was unity, there was love. There was this layer of sisterhood and there was a mentor who was willing to see my former spouse and me as primarily good. She did not take sides. She was not willing to damage me or him. Those kinds of people are my people. I could feel this truth for me.
Many people who hate the supposed hypocrisy that comes with religion because they have been battered and bruised just end up being the same way within their transformational technology of choice and they can’t even see it and much of the time it’s really just that they are excited about their life, the people in their life and a sense of loyalty vs wanting to actually do that. Sometimes we can all become so blinded by the light that we try to force that light onto others.
Humans. You know? These things happen.
To bring the betterment of ourselves into our own homes and with the people who actually do mean the most to us.
To bring it home where it really counts -because as we all know by now (or at least could) it isn’t all that difficult to be kind to anyone who hasn’t ever irritated us. Or someone we just met who sees us as a fresh canvas. That is easy stuff there. Yet to see someone you haha been living and breathing with for a long time as a fresh canvas...that IS some kind of magic there!
I’d much rather find innovative create solutions that have the power to mend fences while building bridges in reverent time and offer that as an invitation with data results that let me know that it works rather than shove or force feed people whom I haven’t a clue what the fullness of their reality may actually be.
I don’t want my work to be such that people confuse my contribution with anything other than it’s an invitation. Primarily because it is my desire that they see themselves as their own guru, that they trust their own inner knowing and that if what I say or do or offer does not work for them, they understand they are free to decline. And there are other people whom it will help.
I had to acknowledge all of it. Not just some fake allegiance to an organization I do love and appreciate. And, there is no organization in the world that is GOD. There are just people doing the best they can and learning along the way. I don’t see any legitimate need to be disingenuous about it.
I lay all my darker parts on the table consistently. I make a pretty good fool of myself. A lot. I make all kinds of mistakes. I say it, I own it and I do what I can to repair and learn and I move on where and when I can.
I’m very cautious about the agreements that I agree or give my word to before I agree to them so there is no confusion when I am unwilling to be pulled down like a weakened crab.
So I share the book and much of the time -there are people trying to remind me it was a team effort. Most of my shares are sharing the authors stories. The authors stories. Not myself and there is still this need to make it about the organization rather than remain...a cheerleader for the author and the authors actual story. Much of it stems from being turned off that the book is now housed inside my company. However, it was always clearly articulated that there was a beginning a middle and an end point to the game from the organization stand point. Non attachment. It’s housed under Expanded Consciousness giving everyone who needs credit -credit.
When someone reads the book for free they first have to read the following:
Stories of Courageous Vulnerability (Book with 40 authors from around the world Co-created w: Ross Trotter, Dineshh Shah, Wendy Zalles, Katherine Filer, Anasuya Isaacs, Judi Romaine/ Final Editor: Edie Weinstein Graphic Designer: Jackie O'Brein)
Book sales: Money I have made from this book selling: equals zero. How royalties work within the structure is there has to be a certain amount of sales before they will give you a deposit in royalties. That has not happened yet. But when it does happen the royalties will be split to pay me back the money I gave the editor and the graphic designer and then the rest will go to the covenant house -as the royalties are not mine to keep.
Book reads on the free website: 70 thousand reads.
The book is serving people in its own way in the meantime....
So I sit in peace. Thankful for it all.
In my now.