Be warm or go home is my new mantra with men as a general rule of thumb...
As an example:
For a few months one of the men in my life has been reaching out to me warmly in the form of:
"How are you Beautiful"
"What are you doing Beautiful"
100% of the time without failure, As in "always."
Then one day I receive this:
I could feel the shift instantly in my body. (Zero Warmth)
Let me be clear here because it's really not about the word "Beautiful"
This whole time -he could have been reaching out with
"How are you Christina"
It's the same either way.
One is personal
One is not
Dear Mister man,
What happened to your signature opening line?
This goes beyond expectations because now- we are in something intimate (yet not serious,) so "now" when I receive the "Hello Beautiful" my body responds warmly. I can feel myself smiling. I know it's him. Every time. My cells now have experiences to go with the warm signature line...
I'm right back in the place we left off..which is warm, the sweet spot- The "This feels so good before, during and also after." The warm and fuzzy, additive quality of connection where you're naturally prompted to maintain it because it's super easy to maintain when two people both decide the only purpose of the connection is: The Warmth.
That did not begin to happen for me until after a few intimate experiences. Prior to that, the "Hello Beautiful," did not keep me warm or cold...actually, it didn't really do anything to me.
The "Hey There" thing...what I noticed was -what I did not feel and I want to FEEL YOU, if I can't...I'm going to stay with what I'm currently doing.
So I shared in great (somewhat juicy) detail the sensations that now moves through my body when he reaches out with what has become his signature move. Followed by a brief share regarding what I did not feel when I received the "Hey there."
No Warmth = no thanks
When I shared all of the above, he was simply thrilled. It almost felt like he didn't even hear anything else. His response was as if he only heard the details (the yummy stuff I shared) The why something works model-explained through sensation vs expectation.
That said, he's one of those emotionally intelligent guys without any weird and twisty ego stuff getting in his own way. There is no power struggle. He was not turned off by my sharing this. He did not go into some weird and twisty mind set or think I needed him to tell me I am beautiful because I don't already know, own and feel that I am, on my own. It's nice to be around men who don't project their own goofy thinking onto me. First because I do not like that but most importantly..they are often wrong in their projections.
Just as there is an invisible cord between mother and child...there is an invisible cord in all other connections too.
Clearly, I'm not messing around with this warmth thing these days. I could totally wear a T-Shirt that says:
BE WARM OR GO HOME
I'm not into excuses like:
I can't be warm, I'm at work-work is much more important
I can't be warm, I'm busy-and being busy is much more important
I can't be warm, I'm (insert just about anything here) is much more important.
While "Hey There," is certainly not the biggest of deals..it's not a deal breaker or anything like that, in this connection with this specific gentlemen that's really all this connection is about: Sharing warmth. Without it, there is no reason to be in it.
It's one thing to be sharing a life with someone or to be someone's partner and exchange practicalities. In those types of agreements/connections it would be unrealistic to expect on-going warmth for things like "The exterminator has arrived"
But I don't have any of that going on with any of these lovely men. The only point of our connection is to share aloha (warmth) we're not spending time to see where something goes. We are spending time to spend time. That's it. It's absolutely wonderful, liberating and amazing actually.
My commitment is to the sweet spot, the warmth...in this regard, there is no in- between with me.
No Warmth = no thanks
Simplistic, please and thank you.
It's perfectly okay for anyone to decline or reject. They are free to do so...and it's all good. It does make me wonder though...
I think it's an excellent and worthy cause...to create warmth as something important..I think it's the same as Moving the Way Love Moves..You get to see all of your non warm spots along the way....
The more I experience the fluctuations of warmth coming in and dropping out, the more inspired I become to be more warm. You know...that whole thing "Be what it is you want."
And I'm learning through conversations with various women in my life...they too feel the difference or at the very least notice when the warmth disappears. I wonder if this goes into our cellular memory and slowly, one cold moment at a time...lowers affinity between two people. I don't know...feels possible.
This current phase I am in...I dig it!