― Nikola Tesla
I like this because I like my heart and myself just the way I am. (At least 3 weeks a month anyway) And that other week, well....that gives me other kinds of valuable gifts. I like this too because it allows me to work within my own body/mind connection, in addition to - allowing me to have more empathy and compassion for any woman who may be struggling in any moment hormonally. On and on this goes....the places where my humanity allows me to connect with more than just myself. Although I seem to be very focused on...myself (Isn't that interesting)
I still feel, think about and mourn for my friends but I needed a container to place that in so I may move about in my life too.
After my morning meditation, I now add on a loving thought/prayer to those I love - who are in the heat or thick of their struggle/pain or grief. I think about the African Grief ritual I experienced and I think about the gatekeepers at that ritual. Through that experience, when I was asked to be one of the gatekeepers, I was happy to be a yes. At the time I had no real grief left inside of myself in that particular moment, yet I still wanted to be there and I had the desire to remain a participant in our developing tribal community because we were in that together and it was beyond beautiful.
Between the drumming, the chanting, the way everyone held everyone in various forms, I felt held, safe and that helped me want to hold and help others feel safe too.
The gatekeepers role was an important one. There were two on each side at the core of the ritual, which had 3 alters. The middle alter was the grief alter (That's where the gatekeepers stood) The other two alters? One was for forgiveness and one was for ancestors.
Anyway, as a person landed on the pillow in front of the alter to grieve, another person stood behind them to represent "having their back," so they were not alone in their grief. Should the person who had their back begin to grieve, two more people would arrive and stand behind the two people grieving. The flow of this was magnificent and it was the gatekeepers job to stand on each side-facing the community to assure the flow was continuous. To assure everyone who dropped to their knees to grieve had someone "holding their back" When it was my turn to be one of the gatekeepers I was a little nervous at first. To me, this was a very important role to accept and I didn't want to mess it up, because when it comes to the tenderness of someone's heart-I don't want to be that person who adds to their pain. I felt very responsible but once I was in position I realized I had the perfect view that allowed me to see all that was going on in the community. My focus intensified in depth. I felt very alert yet calm. As the gatekeeper I would just raise my hand or make eye contact with someone in the room. There was such a sense of deep community, if someone saw my hand go up or my eyes-they would also raise their hand to inform the community someone was needed. Everyone doing their part to hold someone in some way. I'm telling you, I will never forget this ritual as long as I live.
Now: I can see and feel my friends are being held by their communities and people do have their back. I can see and feel this because I know who my friends are and who they have in their worlds. It does help that I am a stalker on social media so I can literally see, they are indeed being held- and since I know the hearts of the humans holding them, I know it's not just being done for show.
So, I visualize myself as the gatekeeper. Sending love and energy from Hawaii to 5000 miles away where they are and then I return to what I need to be doing to keep my life floating above the line.
Gosh I would love every community to have the opportunity to have the African Grief Ritual available to them. I have a sneaky suspicion the cleaning up of the world from hate to love, underneath all that supposed hate-I would not be at all surprised to learn: is really unhealed grief. But what do I know.... it just feels that way to me.
The other day, I did not feel peaceful on my insides with one connection in particular, so I leaned into the discomfort and realized, in order for me to feel a sense of peace, I would need to do or say something that was in alignment with who I am. For me, it's when I haven't covered every branch on the tree of any connection where I feel a lack of inner peace. In this way, since the problem lives inside of me (I'm the one who isn't feeling peaceful) the solution also lives inside of me. I asked the question "What will bring me the most peace in this connection?" Then I went into my TM and when I came out, I had found my answer. I knew I had found my answer because the answer felt very peaceful. So that's what I did. I reached out and said what would bring me peace. And here is the thing with that, what brings me peace is always kind, always for the other person as much as it is for me. There was no response but I knew there would be no response anyway. That's the other thing, I wouldn't have taken action if I expected a response because that would just be a set up for me to be even less peaceful and my goal is to feel peace moving through me.
This particular person has an extremely low tolerance level for being ignored. "I hate to be ignored," Said 50 times by ..... the person who is ignoring me. LOL
The reason that makes me laugh is because, that's how it usually goes. Humans, you know, we say things like "I hate when people do that." and then we do- to others - the very thing we say we hate. That's why I try my best to stay far far away from "hating" anyone else's behavior. It isn't just because hate is a strong word, it's because at any given time, I could have that same behavior. I just never know what I'm capable of. You know...sometimes I like to try everything...(at least once anyway) just to see how it feels to be on the other side of something. I'm crazy in that way. The mad scientist...with some new strange and twisty experimental interest.
Oh, the Places You'll Go, Christina! Thanks Dr Seuss!
You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
As I return to my center: Men as healers: COMMENCES!!!
Last night, after working, writing and just moving through Waikiki peacefully I had another beautiful energy exchange with another beautiful man. That's the only way I can frame it because that's what it was. An energy exchange....there is a physical component yet men like this can feel the beauty of the energy exchange the moment it happens and when it does happen, their first response is: Reverence. Beautiful energy is sacred to them. These men are so in touch/ in tune with energy and within themselves-once they feel the swirling begin their reverence kicks right on. It fascinates me every time this happens because I do not become someone they want to sexually concur, I become someone they want to exchange aloha with. Time slows down, presence is being experienced fully. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing this feels or how I've had to adjust my mainland cultural expectations so I can participate and receive the quality and value these types of exchanges have.
This man said "He isn't and I think he might surprise us all in the end."
I won't be at all surprised if good things happen along with not so good things happening. It's subjective and tricky and depends on what matters to us most. For this man, his insurance went up significantly. That matters to him, however there are also millions of people who received health care that wouldn't have otherwise. If I am this man, I care about my premium. If I am one of the million, I care about what's about to be taken away from me. On and on and round and round we could have went on all the topics. I was grateful and very happy that I was able to move the conversation away from the war of right vs left, him vs her, Obama vs Bush The deep darkness that comes with all of that and how we were able to be strong in our convictions and soft in our connection at the same time. If I wasn't full, extra...this could have went in a very different direction cause I'm pretty strong. Yet I was not alone in this. He was also able to understand there is no war between him and I.
That was beautiful too.
And don't you know...I woke up this morning with a text from my OM partner
"Would you like to OM?"
Um, let me think......YES!!!!!