​

Happy Soul Sunday!!!! 

Im digging the simplicity of the Boiled Peanut! 


Boiled in: HAWAIIAN RED ALAEA SALT. 


Two steps. Two ingredients. 13 hour process. Soak raw for 8 hours. Simmer for 5. The actual peanut that comes out of the shell after this process looks so incredibly healthy. 


Dig this:


Quick Energy Boost
A 1/2-cup of boiled peanuts has 286 calories, with 12 grams of protein, no cholesterol and 2 grams of natural sugar. If you have a long wait between lunch and dinner, boiled peanuts can make a nutritious snack that keeps you energized, feeds your brain and muscles and helps to hold you over until your next meal. They also have 8 grams of fiber, helping you to feel satisfied.
Vitamin E and B Vitamins
A rich source of the antioxidant vitamin E, provide one-fourth of your recommended daily intake in a 1/2-cup serving. They also have a wealth of B-complex vitamins, which are crucial for the growth and development of your muscles and organs. B vitamins help your body form red blood cells and folic acid, or folate, which can help prevent some birth defects. Each 1/2-cup serving of boiled peanuts has one-fifth of your daily requirement for thiamine and one-sixth of your folate intake. It gives you 10 to 20 percent of your daily requirement for vitamin B-6 and niacin.
Minerals for Bones, Teeth, Nerves and Muscles
A 1/2-cup serving of boiled peanuts provides 30 percent of the magnesium you need each day and 25 percent of your daily requirement of phosphorus. Both of these minerals benefit your bones and teeth. Magnesium helps ensure proper nerve function and muscle contraction, while phosphorus helps your body convert food into energy. Boiled peanuts also contain one-fifth of your recommended daily intake of zinc, a mineral that has antioxidant properties and promotes wound healing.


Add to all of the above: 


Dig this: 


Hawaiian red alaea salt is said to compose up to 80 different naturally occurring minerals, including potassium and magnesium, which are typically stripped from processed table salts. These nutrients help regulate blood pressure and keep bones strong. One serving of alaea salt has approximately one-fifth less sodium chloride than an equal portion of table salt. Small amounts of harvested red alaea enrich the sea salt with iron oxide, adding to it a source of digestible dietary iron.


Salt is viewed as a Yin, and it has a cooling effect when ingested in the body. It tends to move energy downward and inward and has a “centering” earthy quality. It moistens dryness and softens hardened lumps and stiffness.  Salt improves digestion, detoxifies the body and can purge the bowels.


Since I’m the queen of cooking without salt, and water is my main daily drink... this below makes sense to me: 


Drinking too much water during exercise may dilute the sodium content in your blood, and dehydration also causes your body to lose fluids and electrolytes, which may cause your sodium level to dip. So you need to get that balance right.


So these boiled peanuts seem to be exactly what My body wants/needs at this time. ​

That sums up my Sunday in a nutshell.... 

Stay Tuned 

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul" 

Soul agreements are pre-incarnation contracts between two or more individuals. The theory behind a soulagreement involves life scenarios conceived prior to birth. Souls choose relationships and family ties based on the lessons they wish to learn in the human form.

What Danielle MacKinnon views as the 5 most common soul contracts that you want to "release" 
Her framing is the following 

Soul Contract of Martyrdom

Soul Contract of Loyalty

Soul Contract of Loneliness

Soul Contract of Anxiety

Soul Contract: Rocking the Boat

Below is her article. This is the deeper work within us all, a framing and an actual solution. 

As she points out: 

First, you have to realize that you can’t just break ANY Soul Contract that you want. It doesn’t work that way. You first must do the work to understand how this agreement has both served and hindered you. It’s like… your understanding is loosening the tooth so that it can be pulled.


https://www.daniellemackinnon.com/blog/5-soul-contracts-you-want-to-break/

"....And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead." 

“Like everyone else you want to learn the way to win, but never to accept the way to lose — to accept defeat. To learn to die is to be liberated from it. So when tomorrow comes you must free your ambitious mind and learn the art of dying!” 

​Bruce Lee 

".....with every goodbye......You learn..."

Therefore, it seems to me....This last song is our best opportunity....

I'll make the most of the minutes
And love with no regrets
Let's take our time to say what we want
Here's what we got before it's all gone
'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

And after a while..... My computer is fixed!

I can't tell you all how happy and grateful I feel to be back up and running

Stay Tuned 

"So it has a massive impact on the world actually and on our mental health." ​

8 simple steps to help deal with grief | By Julia Samuel

​Julia Samuel, British psychotherapist and counsellor, who was a friend of Princess Diana
1. Ask yourself, what was your relationship with the person who died? The biggest indicator of how much pain we are in is the quality of the relationship and how much we loved the person who died. The more important they were in your life, the more you loved them, the more you will miss them.
2. Now ask yourself, what is your relationship with yourself? As your relationship with the world and others is changed by grief, so does your relationship with yourself change. You need to show compassion for yourself, to listen to your own needs, to be kind and not to attack or criticise yourself constantly.
3. Find a way to express your grief Find the means of expressing your sorrow that works for you personally. There is no right way; the key is to connect to the feelings you have inside.
4. Make sure you give yourself time It is important to understand that grieving takes longer than anyone wants or expects; you cannot fight it. Allow more time than is often expected to make decisions.
5. Remember to nurture your mind and body Your whole being is impacted by the death of a person you love. Every thought that you have has a physiological component that is felt in your body, and there are reciprocal bodily sensations that can trigger thoughts.
6. Know your limits When you experience a life-changing loss, it is likely to affect your capacity at work and socially. It is important to recognise the power to say no. If you are able to give a proper no, then your yes becomes infinitely more positive.
7. Seek structure In the chaos of grief, you can feel tilted off your axis. Putting one or two things in your day, regularly, that you know you can reliably do, for example exercise, helps you feel like you have some control.
8. Learn to focus. ‘Focusing’ is a practice, developed by the psychotherapist and philosopher Eugene Gendlin, that can let you ‘pause the ongoing situation and find new possibilities for carrying forward’. Grief is held in the body, often in an inchoate way. Closing your eyes and breathing into your body, then focusing on the images that emerge, can be a form of release, helping to induce a sense of calm.

Her work, books, lectures are very good indeed. She goes deeply into it and she's brilliant if you ask me.

I so appreciate her wisdom and willingness to honor the truth of the unique connection we share with others in our individuality while also acknowledging the collective. Moving too strongly in either direction can cause disorders and unresolved grief.

Both are necessary agents for change. We soften in our hearts or we stay hard and stuck. It is always my desire to remain open hearted. And sometimes what that means for me is I have to do my own inner work and it really isn't all that easy or pleasurable and sometimes it takes me a lot of time to get there but i do want to get there. 

As time goes by I begin to connect dots that make sense to me. It doesn't matter if my dots make sense to others, they only have to make sense to me because it's my grief I'm trying to heal and move and I already know what it means to live with unresolved grief for many years. I am not willing to do that again. 
The dot I connected the other day in connection to the loss of a child and the loss of a parent was this: Caring for my own baby as my baby's mother wasn't complex, or complicated. It was very simple. He couldn't talk so I couldn't ask him what he wanted or what would make him feel good. I just had to wing that one. He was a brand new human. It was a simple roadmap.
Just love him, keep him as comfortable as you can.

When I think about how simple the formula was in knowing there wasn't much time and what to do during that time.

I can see the simplicity now only in comparison. My father could talk and I could ask him what he wanted, What would be best for him and no matter what the answer was...I would honor that and him
Even though, my natural instinct was that same exact simple formula. That instinct did not shift, the only thing that shifted was I could ask. 

The loss of Donovan now feels like this bigger gift that has moved to this soft lightness, whereas, the loss of my Father feels like I've truly done the inner work to get the rawness and the trauma of it handled as it relates to my own inner self and I'm just left to handle the residue that is left, mostly on my own body. I love it when people don't have to work as hard as I have to work to restore their health and well-being. Ever since my experience with Donovan, I have had to work a little extra hard. 

It also feels perfectly okay to me now-that these things take time.

I think one of the most important lessons I have learned in the last year has actually been to care a little less, not more. In a world that's trying so hard to get everyone to see their own humanity and how we are all in this together...It sounds like I'm going against the grain. Maybe I am, and that's okay with me. 

Because, I already know we are all in this together.

One of my senior friends who is one of the most amazing, kind, welcoming human beings who gives more and more.... recently said "I will give people what I can when I can, and when I can't, I can't." This type of thinking, the ability to say no when you can't....this is why she and I are friends. :) 

My friend and fellow writer 🙏🏼


When I returned from my trip to PA in the fall...I returned to see another Vietnam Vet Agent Orange impact. He was dying too. When we talked and he wanted to give me all the medical details. I stopped him. I said I’m so sorry, we just buried my father. I can’t handle what you are saying with all that medical terminology -however I would love to hug you and talk about your health and your well-being. 


His sigh of relief was a deep one. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath and I could see and feel a softness move through him. 


His gratitude was immense as my heart said “oh no. Not another loss. That’s three back to back...my heart” 


All through November. All through December-I gave my word to talk health and well-being with him as I could see, the life in him rapidly disappear. 


Then, I didn’t see him at all this year and I knew what that meant but I couldn’t bring myself to find out what that meant because he was my friend and I didn’t have the capacity to add on more heart ache. I couldn’t be with it. 


John Robert Coleman passed away January 24, 2018.


 It was only today that I was able to look to see the exact date for confirmation and to complete the space that existed between him and I. 




“He enlisted in the Air Force during the Vietnam War in 1969. He made his home in Hawaii for 40 years. Robert was a stand in for Hawaii Five O and other Western movies.


Bob was a very loving and kind person no matter who he met. He was drawn back in his faith and looked forward to going to church, and belonging to the choir gave him joy.”
🙏🏼
He was also an artist and a writer. He was a very good writer and he made these heart cards to do heart readings. 


When he would read your heart cards, there was no negativity. Just positive and encouraging. His design was brilliant and I felt that he could take them to Hayhouse publishing because it was all about following the light and the cards amazing in quality because he was an artist. 
Those cards had the power to keep people focused on the center of their own hearts. Their goodness.​

🙏🏼

To all people on-line who were super duper unkind to me during that time in my life...

I forgive you for promoting the embodiment of kindness as a way of being on-line as you excluded me from that promotion. I forgive you for not honoring my no thank you to your teachings.
I forgive you for trying to force me to carry your belief systems and values. Especially the belief and values I respect others having as I no longer carry those beliefs or values myself because they no longer serve my reality at this stage of my life. 

Above, in Julia Samuel's 8 simple steps to help deal with Grief, her step #
6. she says: "Know your limits When you experience a life-changing loss, it is likely to affect your capacity at work and socially. It is important to recognise the power to say no. If you are able to give a proper no, then your yes becomes infinitely more positive."

​This is where mindfulness comes in: Kindness includes accepting and respecting another human beings: NO or No Thank You. (in my mind)

When I go inward and experience the gift of floating thoughts moving through any incident, what I often find is-I do know my limits and I do recognize the power to say no and it's been amazing to have my yes's become more infinitely positive.
As I experience that awareness move through me, I feel peace within. It's a pivotal floating thought that allows me to see myself. What happens, how do I respond when someone doesn't have the capacity to accept and respect my no? When my no isn't honored or respected, where can I feel that in my body/body mind and what comes next? I recognize, my no gets stronger, not weaker. 
Lacking in having consent is being hugely highlighted right now in mainstream culture, however, mostly just on the level of human sexuality.

It makes me wonder what would happen if everyone got deeply intimately connected with their own no and their own yes in congruency and beyond the outrage of all things sexual but rather as a way of life. 

It just seems like the allowance and acceptance of no - would make it easier to create.....a "Kinder World." 

You are most welcome to free yourself by forgiving me too. Or not, either way I forgive you. 

For my forty-eight birthday, which was on September 18th, I was gifted with a surf lesson from a dear friend/neighbor. I was super excited about that because one of my goals has been to actually ride a wave just to see if I could do it because when you grow up on the east coast, the surf thing is just not a part of your reality and it seems like this impossible thing that you may never actually learn how to do, although...there is snow and all that comes with snow...However, since my father passed away on that same day, The surf lesson didn't happen. Well today... was the day and I have a brand new goal now!!!


You see this dorky face where the joy inside of me is so abundant that my eyes are closed and my face looks totally big and weird? Well that's my new goal. To be so thoroughly joyful that when I smile into a camera all you see is this total dork. Because the sensation of living and being extremely happy is what is being captured.

To me, that is where it's at. More of that please and thank you.


There is a German Proverb

Joy and sorrow are next door neighbors.


In a very real way, the loss of my father, the depth of sorrow there...the significant (from my birth on..flesh of my flesh -bone of my bone level loss) .that love and loss.....moved me somehow. To this place....

Now, when the joy does kick in...that too is somehow...deeper, richer and more vibrant. However, I had to sit with that sorrow, be with it, work with it and move through it and continue to do so moment to moment.
That's just how it works with me being me. It may not be how everyone else works. That’s okay

Passage from the BOOK: Pearl Drops of Hawaii by John Robert Coleman

Stay Tuned

Chakra's. If nothing else.... Is such a cool way to play the game of life......

The heart chakra....Deals with Love, is blocked by grief.... Makes sense

on and on this goes...

I just think it's really interesting...All the various tools we can use to get our health and well being back after things like trauma or even just a moment.

For me, the first place I go when I have a sore throat now is, I ask myself: Where didn't I share my truth? Sharing our truth can be as private as a journal or as out there as this blog. Much of the time.... my soreness disappears when I speak that truth... 

In this way, in many ways on many topics, when we shame people for sharing their truth...what we may be asking them to do...is to make themselves sick. 

That doesn't actually feel good to me personally,

You? 

Just my thoughts...


​Stay tuned

That feels right to me. I like it a lot and I appreciate her sending that to me because she helped close the gap for me and reminded me....as the publisher of Expanded Family Magazine I've had the honor to work with people globally, expanding my world view. I haven't had the inspiration to publish another magazine because the world is far too intense and the topics are just super charged in a way that it doesn't feel safe to publish anything at this time. It’s also completely possible a new magazine will eventually surface. I just don’t know

I don't know how else to explain that either. I can share this: 

Our last issue was all about Humanity and Human Sexuality. Our actual biggest statistics on what readers were most interested in reading was the human sexuality articles. That is where readers spent the most time. The article on Blueberries as a natural viagra was the top runner. 


Somehow, this video came into my consciousness after my friend sent me that indigenous image. Letting me know, I'm for everyone. 

CONCLUSION.......

She speaks to the third act being a time where you can reflect on the first two acts. However, what about those of us who began that process when we were twenty-five years old? Where do we fit into the equation? 

She speaks on coming across the book A Mans Search for Meaning by Viktor E Frankl. 


“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning


She articulates, it's not having experience that makes us wise, it's reflecting on those experiences that make us wise. 

"Older women are the largest demographic in the world...."

Now, I'm actually still in my late forties, so I'm not in the third act just yet but I'm heading that way rather rapidly.

I have spent almost a quarter of my life reflecting and moving through things.

I know she's still hated for her history, however - that to me... makes her wisdom gained all that much more valuable. To be hated on the level she was hated? There are a lot of people who could never absorb that kind of thing. To be out there, living fully, fully living making mistakes along the way and sometimes BIG ONES....you will be loved, hated, loved and hated again. 

She speaks on aging as an ascending a staircase of spiritual evolution vs just getting old. I love that a lot. However the key there isn't aging, it's self reflection. You see this in movies like "The Mirror has Two Faces" where Rose's mother articulates how cruel it is to leave an old person alone with their thoughts and through that reflection she gave her daughter something she felt her daughter needed to see. 

I'm for all the things that would help everyone and I have no clue what will harm and what will heal anything. All I can do is lean in, say yes, speak up and keep on..... doing my own inner work.
If I am activated, I'm a yes. If I am triggered I try to work through my triggers and if I am both.... I just do my own inner work and see what that leads to 
Essence Esoteric feminism? Is that a thing? 

Maybe I don't need a label. Maybe I just need to stay true to my yes's and my no's and keep discerning the difference between what it means to be triggered vs what it means to be activated.  

I was thinking a lot about accountability vs justice... 

That's for another day

​Stay tuned 

It's a Rhetorical question or an opportunity for anyone to get more clear.

I'm on this investigative quest myself.

​In the 90's, I was a "Bad Feminist" because I had given birth and wanted to stay home with my baby. The vivid memory of the woman who essentially spit out at me "You are HOLDING ALL WOMEN BACK" as my two week old son was sleeping soundly in my arms... I've shared this story before. 

Now it's 2018. We are currently existing in the third "Wave," of feminism 

 The Three Waves of Feminism. While the roots of feminism are buried in ancient Greece, most recognize the movement by the three waves of feminism. The third being the movement in which we are currently residing

As a young mother,  If feminism meant, be like that woman... I was an absolute: NO THANK YOU. All I saw, felt, knew and associated that word to was that woman.

The one who forgot to care about a little baby sleeping in a mothers arms. That was more than enough to shut me down and turn me completely off. 

In my now, both men and women (mostly strangers) want to tell me all about the full reality that comes with dealing with a woman. The feminine chaotic, the manipulativeness, the sometimes seriously vengeful and often at the expense of the children's sense of self and their relationship with men in their future... as if I am not already keenly aware of the full spectrum, the love and light and the hate and darkness that could exist at various levels, life phases, time periods inside of any woman. 

When I was a little girl, my Dad would tell us kids this joke, it went like this:
Siblings were in the tub, one said "Pass me the soap" The other said "What do you think I am, a radio?" It made absolutely no sense but my Dad kept telling us that joke because it made my brother bust out in laughter, which made my Dad bust out in laughter because it made no sense. It was full on nonsensical humor. 

So when people on-line come at me with all of their thoughts that I don't know the full spectrum of what it means to be human or what it means to deal with women.... I NOW find myself saying to myself

"What do you think I am, a Radio?" 

and then I laugh, I mean...I REALLY Laugh.

I do that because on-line communities have been so deeply charged, triggered and activated as this cultural cleansing is going down.."What do you think I am, A Radio?" is so very good for my health and well-being. 

My other go to defuser is:
"What do you want me to Do, Dress in Drag and do the Hula?'

I just love that Timon! 

THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE

It's like these men want me to be mad at women and see them clearly as I'm trying to get women to see themselves and each other more clearly to enhance and lift each other up- which would filter down to the men and the children being loved. That does not take anything away from men unless men need more power and more control and/or have a distorted relationship with power and control. If you want to be the king, if you see yourself as Jesus and you want to lead a woman...with that kind of power comes a great deal of responsibility. Kings keep their queens safe, they do not toss out their aggression and call themselves Kings.

Jesus was loving, kind and firm. 

Strong proud men, do not make women suffer to make themselves feel bigger.

That awareness doesn't make me an angry wounded woman. It's mostly common sense if nothing else. 

I'm still a "Bad Feminist," because I don't actually feel victorious about certain things. Certain things don't feel like a win to me. Although it is an important win culturally as it also inserts fear in both men and women. It's so complex these days. 

What I feel is compassion for all humans involved. Even the perceived bad guy. I could be upset about something but that doesn't even remotely mean I don't understand someone is a whole person. 

As an example: I don't like "He who shall not be named" but I don't want anything to happen to him or his family. It didn't feel good to me when the collective went after his daughters business.

That felt yucky to me but I do like it that the NRA is getting snipped here and there on the financial level even though I believe that it's deeper than money. 

So what kind of feminist am I? 

As it turns out there are terminologies for different types/kinds of feminism. Here are just a few: 

​Amazon Feminism Amazon feminism is dedicated to the image of the female hero in fiction and in fact, as it is expressed in art and literature, in the physiques and feats of female athletes, and in sexual values and practices. Amazon feminism is concerned about physical equality and is opposed to gender role stereotypes and discrimination against women based on assumptions that women are supposed to be, look or behave as if they are passive, weak and physically helpless. Amazon feminism rejects the idea that certain characteristics or interests are inherently masculine (or feminine), and upholds and explores a vision of heroic womanhood. Thus Amazon feminism advocates e.g., female strength athletes, martial artists, soldiers, etc

​Anarcho-Feminism Anarcho-feminism was never a huge movement, especially in the United States, and you won't find a whole lot written about it. I mention it mostly because of the influential work of Emma Goldman, who used anarchism to craft a radical feminism that was (alas!) far ahead of her time. Radical feminism expended a lot of energy dealing with a basis from which to critique society without falling into Marxist pleas for socialist revolution. It also expended a lot of energy trying to reach across racial and class lines. Goldman had succeeded in both. Radical feminist Alix Schulman realized this, but not in time to save her movement. She's put out a reader of Goldman's work and a biography

Cultural Feminism As radical feminism died out as a movement, cultural feminism got rolling. In fact, many of the same people moved from the former to the latter. They carried the name "radical feminism" with them, and some cultural feminists use that name still. (Jaggar and Rothenberg don't even list cultural feminism as a framework separate from radical feminism, but Echols spells out the distinctions in great detail.) The difference between the two is quite striking: whereas radical feminism was a movement to transform society, cultural feminism retreated to vanguardism, working instead to build a women's culture. Some of this effort has had some social benefit: rape crisis centers, for example; and of course many cultural feminists have been active in social issues (but as individuals, not as part of a movement). [JD] Cultural feminists can sometimes come up with notions that sound disturbingly Victorian and non-progressive: that women are inherently (biologically) "kinder and gentler" than men and so on. (Therefore if all leaders were women, we wouldn't have wars.) I do think, though, that cultural feminism's attempts to heighten respect for what is traditionally considered women's work is an important parallel activity to recognizing that traditionally male activities aren't necessarily as important as we think. [CTM]
​

Erotic Feminism [European] This seemed to start (as a movement) in Germany under the rule of Otto von Bismarck. He ruled the land with the motto "blood and iron". In society the man was the _ultra manly man_ and power was patriarchal power. Some women rebelled against this, by becoming WOMAN. Eroticism became a philosophical and metaphysical value and the life-creating value.

​Eco-Feminism: This branch of feminism is much more spiritual than political or theoretical in nature. It may or may not be wrapped up with Goddess worship and vegetarianism. Its basic tenet is that a patriarchical society will exploit its resources without regard to long term consequences as a direct result of the attitudes fostered in a patriarchical/hierarchical society. Parallels are often drawn between society's treatment of the environment, animals, or resources and its treatment of women. In resisting patriarchical culture, eco-feminists feel that they are also resisting plundering and destroying the Earth. And vice-versa. [CTM]

​Feminazi: This term was "invented" by the radio/tv host Rush Limbaugh. He defines a feminazi as a feminist who is trying to produce as many abortions as possible. Hence the term "nazi" - he sees them as trying to rid the world of a particular group of people (fetuses). This term is of course completely without merit, but there's the definition of it FYI

Feminism and Women of Color: In _feminist theory from margin to center_ (1984), bell hooks writes of "militant white women" who call themselves "radical feminists" but hooks labels them "reactionary" . . . Hooks is refering to cultural feminism here. Her comment is a good introduction to that fractious variety of feminism that Jaggar and Rothenberg find hard to label any further than to designate its source as women of color. It is a most vital variety, covering much of the same ground as radical feminism and duplicating its dynamic nature. Yet bad timing kept the two from ever uniting. For more information you might want to also read hooks' book and her earlier reader, _ain't i a woman?_ Whereas radical feminism was primarily formulated by educated white women focusing on women's issues, this variety was formulated by women who would not (because they could not) limit their focus. What is so extraordinary is that the two converged in so many ways, with the notable exception that the women of color were adamantly opposed to considering one form of oppression (sexism) without considering the others. [JD] I think an important work in the history of feminism and women of color is Gloria Anzaldua and Cherrie Moraga's anthology, _This Bridge Called My Back: Writings By Radical Women of Color_. It's my belief that the unique contribution of women of color, who experience at least two forms of discrimination daily, provides balance and reality to much of the more theoretical forms of academic feminism favored by educated white women.

​Individualist, or Libertarian Feminism Individualist feminism is based upon individualist or libertarian (minimum government or anarchocapitalist) philosophies, i.e. philosophies whose primary focus is individual autonomy, rights, liberty, independence and diversity.

Lesbianism: There are a couple of points to make here. First is that Lesbianism is not necessarily a *de facto* part of feminism. While it is true that merely being a lesbian is a direct contravention of "traditional" concepts of womanhood, Lesbians themeselves hold a wide variety of opionions on the subject of feminism just as their straight sisters do. On the other hand, Lesbianism has sometimes been made into a political point by straight women "becoming" lesbian in order to fully reject men. However, it is never accurate to characterise all feminists as Lesbians nor all Lesbians as feminists. The reader should also note that homophobia is as present among feminists as it is in any other segment of society. Lesbianism and feminism, for all their common points and joint interests, are two very different groups.

​Liberal Feminism: This is the variety of feminism that works within the structure of mainstream society to integrate women into that structure. Its roots stretch back to the social contract theory of government instituted by the American Revolution. Abigail Adams and Mary Wollstonecraft were there from the start, proposing equality for women. As is often the case with liberals, they slog along inside the system, getting little done amongst the compromises until some radical movement shows up and pulls those compromises left of center. This is how it operated in the days of the suffragist movement and again with the emergence of the radical feminists.

The LIST is long. Here is the link that provides all and the rest of the various levels and layers of Feminism terminologies 

I'm still marinating on what it means to me...


​Stay tuned

What I've been doing in the last three years since my divorce...

I've been studying love. It may appear to others to be a frivolous past time, that is what I have been doing. Learning, observing, valuing and absolutely... encouraging LOVE! 

I love how he left this exact scene, heard half a lecture and felt he had enough information to believe he and she were on the same intellectual page. In collecting half the data, he was mistaken in believing she didn't want the juicy juice when she absolutely did. 

They had to actually go through a few things before their love was allowed to breath and blossom fully and on every level.

His leaving midway in a lecture, assuming he knew...was one of those things that eventually came back to bite him. He felt "betrayed," when she wanted something different. Yet, she had always wanted the full experience because...as she articulates in class......"Because while it does last...it feels fucking great!" 

She (Like most women I know) handled his fears with care and consideration. Not wanting to push but rather wanting to gently move into it. That wasn't working. 

Through the mirror having two faces, through the relationship, through the experience....-Rose (Barbra Streisand) began the journey of truly loving herself.
She was a no to an intellectual marriage of convenience and she was a yes to experiencing all that she wanted with the man that she did love. She was a yes to all of her yes's, owning them all so fully when she began to recognize:  not doing so was causing her so much pain. 

The actual discovery that she was the love of her own life had a positive impact on her marriage, moving their love into a truly intimate space. I could go on and on about that one movie. I love it that much. At levels and layers and from all different angles. 

Much of time what I hear from women who love their men a lot is they don't say it because:  "I don't want to hurt his feelings."  

Dear lord have mercy!!!!! 

If men only knew how deeply they are loved and the length of time the women who love them will allow themselves to be slightly dis-satisfied just because they do not want to hurt the mans feelings. Women are beautiful in this way as far as I'm concerned, they don't want to hurt their men and they do all that they can, try all that they can, think on deeper levels and try to find fun and interesting ways to communicate and share in ways that will enhance the quality of their connection and levels and layers of fulfillment can be had! 

It's very sweet and I vaguely remember that within myself. Honestly, it's  all a little fuzzy to me at this time. 
There is a space between two people who love one another and all of the subtleties floating back and forth along with knowing things no one else knows. In that space, it isn't that the other person isn't honest as much as the love and awareness is mindful of what another person may not be ready for just yet. 
It's a space where the love moves in such a way, one partner is working on creative ways and ideas to move their relationship where they want it to go without damaging another persons sense of self along the way.

​There is careful consideration and a level of kindness that lives there. Mostly the desire, which usually sounds self serving to others, is really saying: 
"I love you so deeply that I want us to experience heaven on earth together because I love you and I know that it's possible with you."
It's also saying "All of your fears or insecurities aren't a big deal to me. I'm willing to work through them with you and I'm trying to figure out the best path." 

Yet if the other person isn't ready to let go of their fears, isn't willing to risk, try, fail or look like a fool in any way shape or form, the affinity between two people can lower significantly enough to end the relationship.

There is a difference between someone not accepting who we already are, what our natures may be vs our holding onto our fears and insecurities more fiercely than the love we share with another human being. 

When Byron Katie says "And for those of you who are single, the people in your life, at the office.....that's all you can handle...." That is so funny to me and I do wonder about that myself. I'm not afraid to acknowledge or chew on how that may actually be the case with me. As in, perhaps I am not partnered up, in a relationship, or married because, I have all that I can handle at this time.

However, I have noticed, I only feel that way when someone tries to shove, force or move me into their dogma, their values, their belief system, their ideas of what it means to love without ever asking me what I want, who I am or without ever taking the time to truly know me. 

In my own space, in meditation, in solitude, in silence and in connection with others who know me deeply, or willing to be in the process of getting to know me deeply. With those who are willing to meet me some place near where I am at this time in my life... All of that....drops away and all that's left is a sense of divine timing without me having to do or be anything different for any reason or any one. Which circles me right back to the last three years of my studying, learning, observing, valuing and absolutely encouraging other people's LOVE. Not from the space of it has to last forever to be real. From the space of: 
"....It may only last a minute, an hour an afternoon...but it doesn't diminish it's value....because we're left with memories that last a life time...." ​

After all, who am I to know what any two people are supposed to do, be, have or learn in the space between them. I don't even know what anyone is supposed to do, be, have or learn in my own relationships moment to moment unless I am in them. 
So here are just a few things I've noticed in 30 minute, thirty hours, thirty days and 30 years couples whom you can feel the love. 

Learning.
Love isn't actually always all that  kind. Or rather people aren't always kind. Either way, the point is people make mistakes, go off the deep end so to speak. They even go so far as to pack their bags. Emotion can make people incapable of logic and it's often temporary. I often wish couples would be more selective in who they go to for their support system. 
Many years ago when I worked at a barber shop cutting men and children's hair exclusively- I never was the woman saying "Poor you, your wife is such a nag"
I was more inclined to be the woman mirroring something back. Such as "So your wife wants your love and attention because she loves you that much? Tell me again what the issue is?" 
Sometimes all love needs is a reminder and someone willing to take a stand for it.

What I noticed about people who love each other is: They are learning, willing to learn, willing to grow where and when they can. Mistakes aren't used as a repeated weapon against one another. Mistakes are used as learning tools to lean back into their hearts and discover what will make everyone happy. 
I've witnessed this...repeatedly.

Those who just want, what they want vs those who know how to love deeply...it's a learning process. 

"Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!!!!!" 

“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.” 
― Haruki Murakami

This is where synergy can happen..... "Synergy is better than my way or your way..." 

People who love each other.... solution oriented "Are you willing to come up with a solution that could be better than what either of us have thought of" 
It is my observation that people in love... are willing to do this. It's so beautiful to witness that happening. Wanting solutions is something I've witnessed again and again. It's very different than "let's just move on" or agreeing to disagree." Much of the time people say lets just move on but they do not. 
This, I believe can truly help keep affinity alive in love. 

People who love each other value their connections and each other. It doesn't always look that way when we hear blame or think there isn't empathy or anger comes up in a moment, however it's there.....you can feel it. 

Sometimes relationships and the space between two people can get a little too full. When that happens, it can be easy to forget the most supportive thing we can do is to encourage one another and build each other up. People who love each other also forget sometimes, in the moment yet in the end they self correct as they take the time to feel and use their own heart, the love that's inside of it. 

Nothing and no one is perfect that I've seen yet...however, love can be felt in all different styles, phases and it depends on the space between two people. 

​

Love people who ....... Don't JUST...... 

Stay Tuned....