Our best weekends were the weekends we had the kids. Ian, Erin and Evan. Honestly, it felt like it was way more important that Joseph Bond with his siblings. 
They were usually all over him having a blast. 
Especially Ian. 
Ian was truly the best big brother, naturally. 
He was incredibly kind and sweet to his “Little buddy” 


Erin was a little mother. She and Ian often fought over who was in charge of what Joseph wanted :) 


Evan had a little bit of a hard time sometimes because she was the baby at moms and Joseph was the baby at Dads and she had a hard time adjusting. 


We did our best to understand the nature of what it must be like for her. Mostly her father was deeply in touch with that and would be sure to remind me as we tried to encourage her to see the benefits of being a big sister...she wasn’t always into it. Lol but she was still a very good and sweet little girl who often missed her mommy by the end of the weekend and  couldn’t wait to see her. 


They were all really great amazing kids actually who never got to met their brother Donovan. ​

They were all really great amazing kids actually who never got to met their brother Donovan. ​

This image above of Joe and I is directly when Donovan was taken off all of the machines. In this image, the room is full of family members. We are all literally thinking Donovan is going to stop breathing any second. If you look at Joe's face, Donovan's fathers face, you can see his pain. 

It turned out that a nurse named Helen came in and told us all to snap out of it because this little guy could be around for several weeks.

In that moment, we all laughed. I'm talking LAUGHED.... 

Joseph was one of those babies that choose his father very early on. As a baby actually. 


His father was the one who stayed up all night long rocking his cradle back and forth and half the time the man was doing that while he was sleeping. 


I’d often wake up to find his dad sitting up against the wall with his eyes closed rocking Joseph’s cradle. ​

Copious amounts of reverence and the depth of sadness for his beloved wife who spent years being by that man’s side with three different sets of children. I feel deeply for her and all the children. Ian, Erin and Evan -they were my first amazing experience as a stepmother. I loved them to pieces. 

12 years of family life and children's memories went down before her entry point. 


FAMILY. My Dad. His Dad. The kids 

Connection. 
Shared memories. 
Shaded pride. 
Shared Joy. 
Shared concern. 
Shared worry. 
Shared upset. 
Shared arguments. 
Shared fears. 
Shared sadness. 
Shared custody for over a decade. 


Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss. And more Loss. 


Love. Love. Love. Love. And more love. 
All of it. 

All before her arrival. That's the full story and always the truth when children are involved and she's pretty good about honoring those types of things because she also had her own story and her own son that she brought with her. Equal ground here. Nothing wrong...just the truth that comes with our children.

Connection. 
Shared memories. 
Shaded pride. 
Shared Joy. 
Shared concern. 
Shared worry. 
Shared upset. 
Shared arguments. 
Shared fears. 
Shared sadness. 

that include her. Everyone is included when you are dealing the the emotional well being in a holistic way as it relates to children. 

​

“Out beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field.
I will meet you there 🙏🏼


That’s where my adult son and I meet very often and if we get off center we bring it back as quick as we can. 


I thought I’ve already told him every single story but as it turns out. There are all of these Beautful joyful and seriously funny moments he is hearing for the first time. That’s all I have for him now. The amazing good stuff. 


Family. Sacred space. 


Reverence to everyone holding my son and all family members at this time.


It doesn’t matter that no one is doing that “for me”


But do people understand the expanded impact of a daughters heart or a mothers heart? 


The way you are holding him and them. Helps and heals them therefore you are also helping and and healing me. 


That man’s daughter. 


That man’s mother. 


Which brings me to...


Thank you so very much to those who have said the following words:




“My heart goes out to you and your son” 


I needed one human being on the planet to say those exact words to me
I didn’t know I needed it until someone said it. 
Because it acknowledges and honors our story as a family so fully. 


I felt a softness wash over my heart. 


Family. Sacred space. 


It doesn’t matter who or how it came in. 


That teeny tiny acknowledgement -acknowledges all that is written above. 

4 am, I woke up to my sons phone call.

“Mom, Dad is gone” 🙏🏼

my son always told me this song meant a great deal to him because of the love he felt for his Dad. In essence. I’d like to honor their connection by changing the lyrics slightly to match their truth.

A child was born, and his Dad was there. My grandmother wrote a letter to my Aunt the day Joseph was born. She wrote “And big Joe cried when he held his son, it was Beautful.”

His Dad wasn’t away. He learned to walk and his Dad was right there. Joyfully making the biggest deal out of the milestone where our children can walk on their own.

By this time, his father was remarried but the truth remained. His Dad did what he could when he could. It’s just what’s so

football. They had this connection. Proud Football Dad.

All the normal things. When you have a Dad who is there. All the time.

They didn’t get to this place. Sadly. And that’s something my son has been saying, knowing and reconciling every time he expressed “I’m only 27 years old. I still need my Dad”

My son is and has been very much like his Dad and he’s also not all at the same time. Him being his own person and all but my wish for my son at this time is that he honor whatever he needs to honor in whatever feels best to him from the place of the space between him and his dad.

and he recognize how deeply loved he is and always has been.

I think he knows that though.

Im sorry for your loss Son.
I love you so much.

You are doing so well in life and and you deserve that. Please continue to make good decisions the best you can at the time.

Cheers to you and your Father.

May he rest in peace, pain free.

Love you.
​Mom.
​

stay tuned.

Keali'i Reichel is my sweet Kainoa's Chant teacher!!!!!!!!!! He has been going to Maui once a month to learn and we've been talking about this and I still did not hear the name of his teacher until this morning. I was like WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTT! he's my absolute favorite Hawaiian Artist at this time. His music is so beautiful to me and his song above "Wanting Memories" is the exact song that I've been using this entire time to move my grief with my Dad. It's like the lyrics belong to me. It's a way I've been able to see where I am, exactly in my own grief process. As we listened to it this morning, I automatically found myself moving my hands into prayer position as they moved to the center of my face. I just have so much reverence and gratitude for this artist and it is actually now possible I might actually MEET him in an intimate setting where I can pour my aloha on him. Just imagining this.....fills me so deeply. 

Beloved indeed is Maunaleo.....one to hold close, to hold near, to love. One dear to the heart, precious, exalted, exalted. Here is my garland of affection. A cherished one, respected for power and strength, esteemed, treasured, touched by heaven.... 

We hula to this song, to these beautifully rich words created to honor "THE MOTHER" in a holistic way. Everything about mother, all her parts. He's actually brought deep beauty and meaning into my world at a level that I am just beyond grateful. 

As I wait for my son to call me with the news his father has transitioned.... I'm noticing...via meditation, rest and keeping my life simple at this time.....once again how love really does reorganize rather then ends. There is nothing I can do to prevent my son from experiencing what is about to happen in his world. This morning I was gifted with more Polynesian wisdom "My teacher told me never teach children about grief because they know more than us on how to move through it" That is a radical teaching that landed on me as absolutely perfect and a gift delivered to me at this exact time in my own mothers heart.  
I have no power here. I can't prevent anything and mostly his own process belongs to him. All I can do is honor him and that actually sucks and that actually feels good all at the same time. Sucks because his pain hurts me. Good because getting out of his way and knowing that is the right thing to do, makes me feel like a better mother to a son who is now a man. I mean, this shit is TRICKY!!!!! 

Well, I started this blog entry early this am, it's now almost 3 pm Hawaii time. Trying to remain committed to the Increase Attention, not pressure model as I was being mom "squeezed" 

The term was coined only five years ago by German biologist Michael Nahm. His 2009 article in The Journal of Near-Death Studies was the first modern review article on the curious subject of cognitively impaired people becoming clearheaded as their death approaches. According to him, cases of “terminal lucidity” had been recorded for millennia, from accounts by classical scholars such as Hippocrates, Cicero and Plutarch to 19th-century medical luminaries like Benjamin Rush (who wrote the first American treatise on mental illness). It’s just that, apparently, no one had thought to label or conceptualize these elusive incidents in any formal way before.
Here’s how Nahm defined terminal lucidity in that original article:


The (re-)emergence of normal or unusually enhanced mental abilities in dull, unconscious, or mentally ill patients shortly before death, including considerable elevation of mood and spiritual affectation, or the ability to speak in a previously unusual spiritualized and elated manner.
The author characterizes terminal lucidity as one of the more common, but lesser known, ELEs (or “end-of-life experiences”). Others on his list include deathbed visions, apparitions, near-death/out-of-body experiences, telepathic impressions, and so on.

n a follow-up article by Nahm in The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, and coauthored with the psychiatrist Bruce Greyson of the University of Virginia, we get some clarification on time line . Of 49 case studies of terminal lucidity, the vast majority (84 percent) occurred within a week of death; 43 percent, in fact, transpired the final day of life.

Today's update in from the east coast via my mom and my brother: While my brother was there to say his goodbye's to the man that isn't just his nephews father but also one of his dear life long friends, my son's father woke up and began to speak. There were hugs and I love you's and exchanges that make all the difference in the world. As for my son, he is very grateful to have been hugged by his father, told by his father I love you and it will be okay" This also gave my son the opportunity to say what he needed to say to his Dad. And there it is.... it's that beautiful moment that will leave my son with nothing extra in this realm. It's the nothing extra part that has me at a level of ease. There is already so much extra with these things. 

He has his own memories.... Let's hope he......wants to see the beauty from his own eyes...


​Stay tuned 

I woke up this morning having a hot flash. I have not had one of those in a very long time. It's wonderful to be where I am now vs where I was when that first started happening and also to not have anyone near me to make a big deal about it. Slow and easy. I can just get up, get my hot oil ready, massage and love up on my own body, meditate and give myself some time to let the answers come in on what is stressing me out at this time that is the cause of that. Where am I being squeezed a little too hard? 

Women’s Health: Six Ways to ShineBy vpk® by Maharishi Ayurveda on May 28, 2016

​She writes: 

“The key for women’s health to stay in balance is to take care of Vata dosha,” Sankari says. “When Vata dosha goes out of balance, it can manifest as worry, stress and tension. And because it is fast-moving by nature, it goes out of balance easily and then leads the other doshas. So Vata dosha is the key to staying calm and healthy.”
Vata dosha, which is the mind-body operator that governs movement in the body, is quick, rough, dry, and irregular by nature.
“To balance Vata, it’s important to maintain a regular daily routine, starting with a consistent, early bedtime and waking time,” Sankari says. “Regular exercise, regular sleep, regular meditation, daily yoga, daily Ayurvedic oil massage (abhyanga), regular mealtimes — all of these things help keep Vata dosha in balance.”




The importance of good sleep and daily meditation cannot be overestimated in women’s health.
“There is a tendency for women to do so much for others, to get tired, so you need to make sure you schedule time to rest and rejuvenate with your daily meditation,” Sankari says. “Even though time is tight, you can juggle your schedule to make time. Alternate with your spouse, or meditate before the children come home. Just having that focus, the rest you gain in meditation goes a long way.”

In retrospect, and although I'm not busy with a partner or raising children one of the things I understand more now than ever is- if I take on too much my system will reject that. Hence this mornings hot flash. I find myself saying very often these days "I am in no rush" and I actually mean that. I had this conversation with my mother the other day, everyone is all about getting out there, putting yourself out there, get moving GO GO GO... Live your life but the truth is, sometimes valuing your own systems needs is the best medicine and I don't think people realize some of us feel just as good being at home.  I couldn't have been more happy to be in the kitchen this weekend. I roasted some baby beets and made some very good split pea soup that made my body mind feel warm. That type of thing makes me just as happy as anything else.

​People say...live life this way to live fully...but sometimes our souls say, that sounds good in theory but that isn't really what you want or need at this time. And you know, when I think more deeply, I'm out and about every day. I'm writing this at 6 am and I've already been outside twice. I have a lot of people in my life I interact with daily.  
​Still.....

​Stay Tuned

today my son called me to tell me the official news, they are letting his father go. He’s numb. My sons feeling numb.

Feeling Nothing During Grief: The disorienting experience of emotional numbness
Feeling nothing is not akin to feeling ‘okay,’ underwhelmed, or unenthused. Feeling nothing is more like feeling empty, dead inside, emotionless, as though you have nothing to contribute, or as though you can’t relate to the feelings and emotions of others (thus rendering social interaction problematic).It’s hard to understand how the absence of feeling could actually equal extreme pain and distress, but it does. When you feel nothing, the world seems to make less sense. You look in the mirror and barely recognize yourself, without emotions you feel alien and it’s hard to imagine being a person ever again.
The emotional numbness sometimes experienced in grief can feel especially disturbing because after a death you expect to feel so much. You might wonder, “What is wrong with me?!?! Why don’t I feel anything?!? Maybe I’m not a human being at all. Oh no, what if I’m a sociopath?!? Or a robot?!?” Feeling nothing during grief is alienating and isolating because everyone else seems pretty in touch with their feelings. You know you’re sad about the death, but you can’t actually access the emotions and so you feel different than others grieving the death.

while I’m not sure what he will feel I’m documenting this to be able to be his witness. This numbness is not uncommon. Yet, due to the level and depth of love between him and his father my mother and I are actually worried about his capacity to cope with this. As we recognize there is nothing we can do, we still worry about him.

And sometimes you just have to acknowledge the truth of your worries and your fears because in claiming them, they have less power over you.

Moving through the Love Troop chain, my mother spent two hours crying today and that is also normal. I have had about three breakdowns or crying sessions two for my son and one because he is my children’s father and that’s a thing no matter what.

And also, his stepmom and the family, the other kids. Everyone.
The decision to let a love one go is not an easy decision to make but his father has a living will and does not want to live without a quality of life. They are respecting his wishes but still, these kind of decisions made and my son having to make this kind of decision breaks my heart. I feel a lot of sensation while he is numb.
I’ve already got a list of all the love troops of people and men who love my son a lot -whom I will pull the trigger to contact them all so he has the type of support he will need. Numb is okay for now but eventually this young man is going to feel a level of pain he’s never felt before and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

​Being a mom is no joke.

Today I pray for my son, his paternal family, his stepmother, his siblings, all extended family members, my family who is also his family and mostly for the man who has gifted me with my two children. It’s very sad news and I am very sad for all.

I am also grateful 🙏🏼
Love and prayers are most welcome.
​
stay tuned

​“This is what rituals are for. We do spiritual ceremonies as human beings in order to create a safe resting place for our most complicated feelings of joy or trauma, so that we don't have to haul those feelings around with us forever, weighing us down. We all need such places of ritual safekeeping. And I do believe that if your culture or tradition doesn't have the specific ritual you are craving, then you are absolutely permitted to make up a ceremony of your own devising, fixing your own broken-down emotional systems with all the do-it-yourself resourcefulness of a generous plumber/poet.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I'm exceedingly grateful that I have chosen a life of aloneness to be deeply and intimately connected to myself. It is only now, that I'm stabilized and back in my own groove and existing in full loving beautiful compassionate forgiveness within my full self that I can talk about this openly. 
The only reason my hair fell out in clumps and all the other things that I experienced was because I sat a my own fathers funeral and there was no room for me to be me. My sense of belonging in my own tribe, acceptance of who I am and the relationship I shared in our now with my own parents was deemed and the word that was used was
Very Inappropriate

This literally crushed my spirit full out. 

As I wrote in my last post:
​I've come to recognize, there is a price to pay for expansion. Something I've known for a few decades now. 

Not my mother or my brothers.  But outside influences interfering in places that didn't actually belong to them. There is no other family in our family, where anyone would ever dare to feel they have more power or rights within the Nucleus of each individual family to step on any other parent/child bond. I'm really the only one. This sort of happened at my grandmothers funeral too but it wasn't a big deal because my son was chosen to have a place in our family ritual and that is always way more important to a mother than herself. He's handled, all is well but I did actually feel something around being excluded from participating. There are clicks in my family and I've never been a part of those clicks. As a little girl what seemed hurtful eventually moved to understanding people love who they love, they are close to who they are close to and none of that had anything to do with me. If I had been born into a different family I'd have been a part of the click. It's really that simple and it's so not personal. That has been my truth for decades. Yet when my father died and I now believe this happens in a lot of families because through this experience one of my most cherished people just happened to grow up in a family that owned a funeral home and he told me "Christina, this is what happens in every single family and no one talks about it but those of us who own funeral homes know this is just how it goes" 
You know, it's no big deal, it's just the way it is. This was very helpful to me because my compassion didn't disappear and some of my family members lost more than just my Dad in a short amount of time and I felt deeply sad for them, even though I didn't know how I was ever going to forgive them. In expanding, in not being understood, in not having access to my truth or me or even having a real conversation with me: I am often called or seen or my intention is just: selfish

Does anyone REALLY believe I want to HULA at my own fathers funeral because I want it to be about people seeing me dance hula? This type of thinking really lets you know so deeply that your own family does not have a clue, not even a fraction of a clue on who you are and also, what the truth is that exists between you and your own parents. There is no getting around that. It's impossible not to notice these types of deeper truths. And I'm not a kid anymore, I have my own family too. This thing with my Dad moves to my son and my grandchildren. In this way, the very word used and applied to me, my fathers daughter and my son's mother 
"Inappropriate" is an extreme violation of my very essence. I'm talking three generations deep. I really was truly worried. How the FUCK am I going to forgive THIS? 

Not to mention, saying this to my shocked, vulnerable tender hearted kind mother before I could arrive home. The level of my HOW DARE YOU was so loud inside my own bones....I had to suppress so much just to pretend it was perfectly OKAY and that was so not okay. It was so not okay to me that my hair fell out in clumps, not to mention other physical symptoms that my anger and not knowing how to deal with it....couldn't pretend on any level that it was OKAY.
It was actually really brutal. 

And mostly, just a consequence of my father being the center of everyone''s attention....nothing I did to deserve that or anything I ever did wrong. More like more  childish illusions needing to disappear. 

If I was accepted and received fully and allowed to Hula and share the spiritual gift it actually is.... I could have avoided the severe dip in my health and well being. That is all. 

FULL FORGIVENESS AND A RETURN TO LOVE AND PEACE 

THAT TOO BELONGS TO ME SO FULLY I HAVE CELEBRATED IN THE MOST AMAZING WAYS. 

​That was NOT okay and now...it is. I have my mother to thank for that. There is no way anyone did anything to me intentionally.

Grief is just tricky and that is a part of family. We come from wherever we come from and those we love don't always see us so clearly and so...now I have something very important for my own son, for when I die 

Charlie Kaufman: 

There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.

Donald Kaufman:

Oh, God. I was so in love with her.

Charlie:

I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.

Donald:

I remember that.

Charlie:

Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at *me*. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.

Donald:

I knew. I heard them.

Charlie:

How come you looked so happy?

Donald:

I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.

Charlie:

But she thought you were pathetic.

Donald:

That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago. 

(...pause, Charles looks at Donald quizzically...) 

What's up?

Charlie:

Thank you.

Donald:

For what?

Pre-post divorce in 2015 (that time where divorce was the decision yet we still lived together) It was really incredible to me how I discovered the divorce wasn't the big upset within myself. It was only through the  African Grief Ritual weekend, also in 2015. Led by Sobonfu Somè and co-fasciliated by my friend Susan Hough (from living your gifts in Laguna Beach, California) where I discovered my real issue was unhealed grief with the loss of my grandmother and the loss of my son Donovan. It was actually stunning to me because I wasn't expecting the swift shift where my attention moved in such a way....I just wished my former spouse could have taken his own grief ritual too since our mutual and yet individual stories in the book Stories of Courageous Vulnerability made it so clear to me that our problem wasn't really "ours." 
​
Grief has a tendency to linger sometimes. Particularly where trauma is involved. 

Now who in their right mind, would have the desire to attend an entire weekend designed with the intention to Grieve? Well, as it turned out there were at least 50 of us and it turned out to be one of the most profoundly beautiful and deeply enriching life changing experiences of my existence. I have had many of those experiences throughout my life. Once you have, perhaps it becomes easier to flow toward that, I don't know if that is true, it just has been true for me. 

Dagara rituals involve healing and preparing the mind, body, spirit and soul to receive the spirituality that is all around us.
"It is always challenging to bring the spiritual into the material world, but it is one of the only ways we can put people back in touch with the earth and their inner values."
Sobonfu Somè 

I've come to recognize, there is a price to pay for expansion. Something I've known for a few decades now. It's highly likely at any time in my life I could be driving a child to an after school event one moment and taking something like The African Grief Ritual the next and for me personally, it all feels incredibly normal. I am just me being me. It's just my normal. Yet I also believe this has opened me up to experience things very differently in ways that might just allow me to embark some deeper wisdoms onto my son. There is a lot of talk about the legacy we leave our children. I feel this is important stuff that has captured my attention these days. More natural than anything else. 

At this point in my life it isn't so much about me as much as it is about my son and my potential future grandchildren and that is difficult sometimes for people to understand. This makes complete sense to me because I don't really know that many people who have made the choice of aloneness at the level I have made that choice. 

If there was one person who suffered the most due to the loss of Donovan and the divorce between my children's father and myself, it is my adult son.
There has been a desire for me to be "tougher" on him in areas that I have felt toughness would be the worst thing I could be. I've often had to lean into the thread that exists between him and I as my only available guide and I'm so glad I did because 

It was mine, that love. I owned it.

Same concept applies to my Parents. As a witness to my mother's heart as it relates to my Dad, I'm telling you, this mother of mine loved her husband of 52 years deeply and in ways that I don't think people truly understand the depth or the purity of her heart space. 
I met this other woman a year ago who lost her husband after 60 years and she said "I'm glad he's dead, I hated the man" 

I met another gentlemen on an airplane who said "my grandfather was a bastard of a man, so when he died my grandmother went wild and began to love her life so fully and quickly" 

Underground systemic systems, these are the various voices. All the different layers and levels and different experiences many people have after decades and decades of marriage. 
My mother though?

"I Loved him, I didn't hate him at all" 
That is her truth spoken. There is nothing more sacred than a woman's heart truth. It is important that people listen to her truth and not project their own story onto her. Just as equally as it was important that I respect the woman who told me after 60 years of marriage she was happy he was gone. Her marriage was hers I do not have the right to invalidate another human beings heart truth no matter what their heart truth may actually be in either direction. Only she knows what went down during those 60 years and it's not my job to do anything other than listen to what is true for her. I said "Okay" and the discomfort she felt for sharing her truth with a stranger disappeared. She gave me a few of her why's and I just gave her the dignity and the respect to just be a witness. It was actually enriching for me because I'm trying to learn here and the only way I know how to learn is to just listen to what someone else tells me their truth is. 

I had this girlfriend one time who was a single gal. As in never married in her late thirties and I remember her working me really hard. Forcing her world view and her perception of life, love and marriage onto me. I remember how that felt when she did that. How she was bulldozing over the truth of my own heart space as if she had access to the truth of my heart rather than recognizing I am not her and she is not me and our lives and our life experiences were very different. I recall putting my hands up and saying "Well, Let's just not and lets just return to connecting where we agree on things, you know. We don't have to have this conversation." Then it was all this nonsense about how I couldn't handle "truth"

I thought, Oh boy. What is this insane thing us humans do where we come from our own world view and our own perceptions and we think we have the right to speak on behalf of another human beings personal heart truth? 
What the heck are you doing trying to force feed and bulldoze me into seeing the world through your eyes instead of my own? That's weird. 

I think of my mother whom after 52 years loved my father irrevocably and I think of the woman I met whom after 60 years hated her husband and was glad he was gone.  


The only thing I hear is a woman owning the truth of her own heart. 


It is easier to understand a woman's heart space and her heart truth if you actually take the time to LISTEN TO HER and give her the same exact dignity and respect you wish to have laid upon yourself in all matters of your own heart. 

We don't need to understand another persons heart truth we just need to let them speak it and in allowing them and honoring their heart truth to be what is is, regardless of our personal opinion, we become softer and more wise actually. Less judgmental and much more beautiful inside our own heart spaces. 

My father has been gone now about one year and and five months. As my mothers witness, as her daughter and as a person who decided a long time ago that my parents marriage belonged to them and they belonged to one another and my only job was to honor that and them....get out of their way and let them love one another their way, I was somehow blessed with an expanded love lens. 


Being committed and connected to my own heart, i began to recognize I loved my mother and my father equally. It seemed to me my love for my own parents was mine, I owned it and I also said it. I told both my parents a long time ago I love you both equally and your marriage belongs to you, it's none of my business. At that time this was a very strange and odd thing to say and do in a family. You know parents are funny. When my Dad didn't like my behavior I was somehow my mothers daughter "Your Daughter" but when he liked my behavior he was all about "My Daughter" and they both did that. Parents are FUNNY and I just decided to change the game on them. Which is so ironic because my Dad as a psychology major and who he was. actually taught me that. Children are sponges, I was no exception. 

That is the other rub with expansion, you begin to go against the grain but not in a way that is negative as much as it's about owning the truth of your  own heart and that isn't a language people are always so comfortable with but once you start to view love as yours and something you own from the center of your own heart...it is so hard to stop. 

Here's what I know to be absolute truth. My father couldn't have met a woman whose heart and love was any more true or more pure than my mothers.  For as long as she lives, he will forever be.... her FOREVER MAN

and if you ask me, that is something to bow down to.

Way to go mom, and also, way to go Dad.... 

It was YOURS, that love, YOU BOTH OWNED IT

​BRAVO 

This one's for you

​I love you both very much 

Stay Tuned