This weekend, It all started with me on a ladder helping a friend clean the top of her cupboards in her kitchen. I'm tall, but I'm not that tall and she likes how quickly I get things done. This moment inspired me to borrow her ladder to clean my own place just as thoroughly. Not just does this spark joy but also, why and how did I accumulate so many things? You can't see it, it's all placed inside but I know it's there.

I'm only half way done and I've already given away so many things.

Cleaning for me is it's own ritual that often allows me to declutter and get present to other areas of my life as well.
I really like it and a part of me always has. I think that's because of my mother and music. Chores were often done to the sound of music when I was a kid and music makes everything so much better. However, I need a break from music as well right now. Just a little one....

While I'm on this path, this path of cleaning and minding my own business, being responsible for my own space....let me see what I want to watch and listen to as I'm doing the deeper cleaning, after all..I live alone and can do these types of things.....it's not really and no one can tell me otherwise as much as its...aloneness allows for these types of things... 

So.......What do I want to watch as I do this deep cleaning? 

I like to watch things first and then read the reviews of others. This allows me to have my own experience without anyone else's influence. Very often I find someone else's review to be the opposite of my own experience anyway so why allow that to influence me? Yet after I am curious as to how others experience these types of things. 

For me, the documentary delivered based on it's actual title.  These women told us all exactly what they were thinking plus they shared their personal journey's from that time period to now. The second wave of feminism is just one of four waves. There is this thing now where titles of articles and content within the article, does not align. The goal is to upset people just enough to have them open the article with the title and then calm them down when they read it. Yet a lot of the time, people don't actually take the time to read the articles. Then the comments are 500 triggered people who are only triggered because they didn't take the time to actually read the article. It's brutal to witness actually and it's also just another area where "More attention, less pressure" would be more kind and actually, more honest. 

Anyway..... 

I thought it was pretty cool to have these women come together after forty years while looking at their own image in a book of photographs by Cynthia MacAdams. The book was published in 1977. When I was eight years old. 

Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, and Michelle Phillips were all photographed in the book as well. It was interesting to hear their stories as women who were actually there at that time. 

When I began to look at articles/reviews after watching, I noticed younger women who were not born during the second wave, were writing reviews and for them, this documentary was experienced  as "Not Good Enough" and lacking focus. 

I couldn't connect to that experience. It doesn't resonate.

For me, the women in the documentary literally shared what they were thinking at that moment, the moment those images of them were taken, how life was for them, their personal insights

"Not good enough" Not focused... These "reviews" landed on me in such a way...my thoughts floated to.....
How much do you expect these women to give you? They've done their part, are still showing up and I think that's pretty generous. 

Reverence would be nice.... Just my own floating "me being me" thoughts...they come...and they go....

Anyway...

Each woman had something of value to contribute. A little golden nugget that could and will land and resonate on many women today. 

Jane Fonda states: : "I just learned to say no as a complete sentence about 10 years ago" as she spoke on all the things she hated doing but did anyway all throughout her own career. There really isn't a woman that I know who hasn't struggled with this in some point or in some area of her life. She may be good with no now, but that has not always been true. And if you have a strong connection with other women who are both strong and soft, you know the truth of this. 

Wendy JN Lee, a young woman,  editor, producer and director shares her nature vs personality aspects she has had to cultivate in her industry. She speaks on how her nature is gentle and being more aggressive was something that she had to develop. She also explained she didn't realize the importance of feminism until she became more conscious. When she was looking through the book, she saw women who were free to be themselves. That felt good to her. "It makes you want to be free too" 

The opening scene gave me goose bumps. Holy wow!!!! Talk about owning your world, owning your history, owning your power. She is amazing!

I found myself moving all around, feeling energized, clapping...saying out loud "YAY!!!!!" 

Some of the lyrics in some of the songs.....mid=way....The conservative part of me was like whoa. yet the woman who has been single since 2015 totally understood, I get it....and other parts, I don't have the black heritage so I can only listen to discover...

Sometimes, it really does take balls to be a woman....


Break time over...time to finish what I started

​Stay tuned

Yet, one must be vigilant and careful about this particular Game Changer... As it can be used and abused just like everything else. 

The entire point is to come from a place of self and recognize we have the power to grow in our communication based on this rather than hold grudges or remain hurt by words spoken within heated moments. It's an evolutionary thing. Just spoke on this in my newer three minute podcast

(Link below) 


Natural Rhythms Guides. What does it mean to hold your shape and own your space? When is it going to generate more connection & solutions.

https://www.chirpapp.com/post/gvNL8ZrNe3

Oh let me learn, from all the ways I fail.
Oh let me walk, each day a little kinder.
Oh let me walk, each day a little wiser.
Oh let me live in a wholly holy way.
Oh let me love in a wholly holy way.

Not everyone has the desire to expand into the WHOLLY-Holy way. It's a very expansive integration process that's deeply personal and very individual (in my opinion) 

This line is of particular importance to me personally. I'm pretty good at making mistakes. Yet I've noticed lately... What may appear to someone else as my failure has really been a part of my greatest growth. 

That is equally true for me as it is for anyone else. The other day I was on the phone with someone. I called this person to gather information for another person. My intent was to find out the right information and get information for the best possible outcome. As a woman, and my title on this call-I could hear I wasn't being heard. I'm learning and trying different styles as I go. 

Communication is the response you get...okay, I better be more clear here. Let me stop this person from their assumption. Cut, hold on. You aren't hearing me so let me try this again because I really want to be sure nothing gets lost and we don't spend an exceedingly large chunk of this conversation talking about things I'm not remotely trying to have happen. 

You want to send me down this road, with your assumptions. I would prefer we don't waste time. That is also me not wanting to waste your time either. Let's stay on point. 

It's tricky, you really have to come from that place where you understand, your point and hold your shape in recognizing, whatever communication you are dishing out isn't working, so you -on the fly and on the spot have to change your position just to be heard. While you are doing that you have to repeatedly let another person know you respect them greatly, You understand they have knowledge, and that really isn't being questioned on any level. The problem is, you aren't hearing me. That can cause an entire breakdown in and of itself, so you have to keep readjusting because you are coming from the place of: Communication is, the response that you are getting and this matters to you so you do it. You do it, you make mistakes and you do it. It's a practice. 

In Expanded Consciousness the theme with Communication is

Communication is an art and you are the artist. What that means is not everyone is going to appreciate your art work (Communication)  and you are not going to appreciate other people's art work. That is no reason to stop being an artist. (Stop communicating)  You keep practicing, keep creating art, keep growing, keep cultivating, keep evolving, keep making mistakes, keep having wins, big or small. Yet artists also need to take care of themselves on the level of t heir physiology. If we approach communication from these models. 

Communication is the response you receive AND Communication is an Art and you are the Artist... something expands and something contracts. 

All stream of consciousness means is: The first thing that comes into your consciousness. It's what is true for you. Unfiltered, no other opinions. And in this case I would say it's that very individual, very personal space that belongs to you -in this exact moment. 

On our call the questions all began with WHAT HAPPENED WHEN? 

Q: What happened when you were a child and your mom got angry? 

My Answer: N/A 

Q What happened when you were a child and your dad got angry?

My Answer: You knew that he was. 

Q What happened when you were a child and you got angry at your mother?

My Answer: N/A It's impossible to get angry at a woman who has never been angry at you. 

Q What happened when you were a child and you got angry at your Dad

My answer:  I cried and said it very very loudly -into my pillow so no one could hear.. This changed as I grew....

Q: What happens when your partner gets angry at you? 

My Answer: It depends. 

Q What happens when you get angry at your partner?

My answer: It depends. Yet, mostly I say it when I feel it, just like my father. 
However, it actually takes a lot for me to get angry if I have chosen to be with someone. Just like my mother. I prefer to be warm, soft and gentle in my approach, when that doesn't work, after so many times, mmmm all bets are off 
So it seems important to choose carefully..... for the best results.....


And I like that about me

​Stay tuned 

Shifting...

Pennebaker says; people can be very different. It's that when we are around people that we have a genuine interest in, our language subtly shifts. 

"When two people are paying close attention, they use language in the same way,' he says. "And it's one of these things that humans do automatically." 

I agree with this wholeheartedly. 

Interestingly, last weeks call regarding communication from a consciousness standpoint, the first thing needed to generate conscious communication is 

Being Present and the second thing is as simple as Interest 

​Oh, when things align....

Anyway, there are these cool exercises anyone can do to learn more about these "Secrets" 

These are the names of each and I added a button below in case anyone wants to play this game, it's pretty cool! 

• Perceptual style: You are what you see Look at an everyday object and write about it for only 5 minutes. See what it reveals about yourself.
• A projective test: The TATThis is a classic test where you will first see a picture or drawing. You will then have 10 minutes to write a story that describes what is happening to the people in the picture. After writing, you will get feedback about your personality.
• Time for your I-testHave you checked your I′s lately? This 2-minute test will reveal how well you understand how I-words are used in everyday language.
• The LIFE SurveyWhat do your daily behaviors reveal about your personality? Check out this questionnaire to find out. The entire questionnaire takes about 8 minutes and provides feedback about your behavioral type.
• Language style matching: How in synch are you?Compare emails, poems, or writing samples that you and someone else have written. Your feedback will tell you how much the two of you match in your language usage.
• Language style matching: How in synch are you? (Spanish version)Compare emails, poems, or writing samples that you and someone else have written. Your feedback will tell you how much the two of you match in your language usage.
• AnalyzeWordsTwitter and personality. Enter a Twitter handle and get a rough indicator of the author′s personality.

I scored high on the Social words 
Social words: Social words are words that make reference to other people (e.g., they, she, us, talk, friends). Generally, people who use a high level of social words are more outgoing and more socially connected with others.

I scored low on the negative emotion words and I love that there is an acknowledgment that anyone can have a bad day! 

Negative emotion words: Use of negative emotion words (e.g., sad, kill, afraid) is weakly linked to people's ratings of anxiety or even neurotic. People who have had a bad day are more likely to see the world through negatively-tinted glasses.

I scored high on the positive emotion word choices. 

Positive emotion words: The more that people use positive emotion words (e.g. happy, love, good), the more optimistic they tend to be. If you feel good about yourself, you are more likely to see the world in a positive way.

And here is where the feedback gets really fun for me personally. 

Tactile sensitivity. Someone who is high in tactile sensitivity likes to touch things. They appreciate the surface, texture, and contours of objects and people. They have an appreciation of the dimensionality of objects. In describing the bottle, high scorers paid attention to the surface and contour of the bottle itself, perhaps thinking of it like a sculpture. Your writing suggests a true appreciation of form, depth, and touch. In looking at the bottle, you tend to see it as a living object. You can imagine it in your hand with an awareness of its surface and contour. You may be a sensual person who appreciates the complexity of objects and people.



Visual sensitivity. Some people are particularly sensitive to colors and styles associated with writing. People who score high on the visual sensitivity dimension tend to write about colors of the text as well as the backgrounds. Your score on this dimension is far above average. The colors and the words on the label clearly attracted your attention. You may be particularly attentive to styles in fashion, art, and design. You may also have an appreciation of graphic design.


Functional thinking. The purpose of a water bottle is to hold water. Duh. People who score high on this dimension focus on the bottle as a container of something. In other words, they are thinking about the function of the bottle. Your language use in describing the bottle suggests that you are someone who thinks about the functions of objects. When you looked at the picture, your eyes probably wandered to the contents of the bottle. Most people didn't do this. Perhaps you have deep philosophical thoughts. Perhaps you are an aspiring engineer. Perhaps you are thirsty.

Perhaps you are thirsty LOL I LOVE THAT 


AND THESE RESULT WERE SO INTERESTING

Verbal thinking. People who score high on this dimension tend to focus on the label and what the words actually say. They often report that the letters Oza and Ka referred to Ozarka and that "Thirst Quencher" could be seen on the blue background. Your score is lower than average. Your not mentioning the specific words or letters on the label may mean that you aren't particularly interested in words themselves. If you noticed the words but didn't write about them, you may be someone who doesn't need to discuss the obvious.

There was so much information, I'm only going to share one more though.. 


Cultured
People high on the cultured dimension tend to get involved with all parts of life in order to better themselves and those around them. They often go to museums, do volunteer work, organize study groups and do a lot of writing-- whether it's letters to friends, personal journals, or short stories. Although they love to read, most would not be considered shy. Their musical tastes can be quite broad -- ranging from jazz and classical to hiphop. People high in Culture also like time to themselves. They also have an unhealthy appreciation of Macintosh computers.

​"An unhealthy appreciation for MAC" thats very funny!!! 

The coolest part for me personally was the LSM The LSM score gives us a sense of how similarly two people are using language. It can indicate how synchronized their use of words. What you do for this exercise is, you place a text exchange in a left and a right box. The left side of the box is your words, the right side of the box is the other person's words.... 

This ties into all of the above. Paying attention, genuine interest....from a personal experiential standpoint and also from a reverent communication standpoint. The secret of pronouns isn't so secret when your intuition is running the show. 

I plugged in a text exchange with a person where the exchange lands on me as two people paying attention in genuine interest. There has been trust built slowly through reverent time. There are limited breakdowns. Simplicity. No real need or desire to complicate anything. AKA Stability. It's high vibration and I experience this as above average in the realm of connection.

I wanted to see if the secret of pronouns matched my experience. Turns out, it does! 

The results


Compared to other IMs that we have analyzed, your LSM score is above average 


The more that the two people are paying attention to each other in their interaction, the higher the LSM.

That inner most circle. The one that exists with a partner or a spouse... I don't have that.
What happens when you don't have that?

Often, you have to remind people they are not your partner or your spouse, therefore, their expectations of your giving them more of yourself or you should be more committed - to them can be distorted/ existing disproportionately to their genuine interest or their ability to even pay attention.  

It's subtle...oh so very

​stay tuned 

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No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without written permission.
 
*This invitation is not intended as a substitute for the medical, health or alternative healing advice of physicians, therapists or mental health care professionals. The reader should regularly consult a physician, therapist or mental health care provider in matters relating to his/her health, safety, or emotional well-being, particularly; with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention and/or more specifically, as it relates to any and all mental illness or substance abuse issues.
 
LEVELS OF CONSCIOUS CO-PARENTING
 
Within the stepfamily: There is a Fence and there is a bridge

that's what everyone has to work with.
 
The push to mend the fence vs the push to build the bridge.
 
It's an unnecessary forcing and there are other options. There are several ways to create anything.

The base line foundation within the levels of co-parenting is:
 
Mending fences while building bridges.
 
The fence would be the biological parents. This includes the time they were together to date and all that the children experienced from their birth to now.
That's the first level.
Biological (mom and dad)
 
The bridge would be the who in each house post divorce (separation or whatever the status between parents may be)
That's the second level.
Bio-step (mom and stepdad or stepmom and dad)
 
The third level of co-parenting is everything that happens as the children are moving from one house to another. The space in between. The movement from house A to house B and from house B to house A.
 
 
 
Level one: Biological: Mom and Dad
 
Level two: Biological and Step (Mom and stepdad’s house and Stepmom and Dad’s house)
 
Level three: the space between level one and two which the children travel.
 
In this way, all of the adults involved are all responsible for who they are, what they send out and how mindful they are about doing no harm to themselves, each other and the children as the children experience the full reality of their Expanded Family landscape. Aka level one, level two and level three.
 


 
 
 
Our company, Expanded Consciousness is all about taking what is and moving it where you want it to go. Where divorced parents usually want their children's lives to go is often the same. It's really the "how," to get them there and "who," should (and shouldn't)  get them there that takes parents off track as it relates to what they truly want.
 
Mending fences while building bridges allows room for the fullness of honoring the co-creation of the precious children, as well as the building of the bridge.
 

Chapter from The Workbook
Navigational Skills for Stepfamilies
 
 
https://www.christinamariewhinnery.com/expanded-stepfamily-life.html
 
 
 

 
 
Creating Value Systems
“Be a team player inside of your own home. Do what it takes to transform the energy in your home to be happy and healthy for everyone involved.”
Have your marriage and family be led by the value systems you mutually agreed upon. This allows you to navigate based on these value systems. This will eliminate so much stress and chaos. When families are led by value systems, the value systems dictate instead of having a dictatorship that stifles the home. What is a value system? Simply put, a value system is determined by principles of right and wrong that are accepted by an individual or accepted by a social group.
Whatever you and your partner enjoy doing together, do it. Experience each other in a way that makes you both feel connected. It doesn’t matter if it’s having sex, working out, going to see a movie or going out to dinner. Whatever brings you both back to a good space as a couple: DO IT! Then, while in that great space, start creating your home’s value system. It’s important that you and your partner are in a great space when you create. Energy is higher; your willingness to be a untied team and create together is easier. If you enjoy writing things down, create a written document that is a living document. If you don’t know what value system works for both of you, start out by creating a space that allow things to be created as you go. Sometimes, we aren’t clear until we have an experience that has us realizing we may not be on the same page. These experiences can be used as a great opportunity to create the value system as you go.
 
If you work together in energy of cooperation with the bigger picture in mind, your stepfamily can then be led away from chaos, which requires energy to the point of drain. Have your energy go toward more positive solutions. The negative stuff has a lower vibration and requires higher energy levels to navigate. The positive stuff has a higher vibration and requires less energy. When things require less of us, we have more to give.
Work together. Don’t waste your life energy on the lower vibrations. They literally suck the life right out of you. Stop worrying so much on who is biological and who is step: work together to provide the children with the stability of two happy, healthy adults leading the home.
Come to an agreement on all aspects of your marriage and family. You may need to agree to disagree on a few things. Leave those disagreements for later. Focus on what you can agree on. Start to allow the things you do agree on to enter in and work before worrying about the things you can’t seem to find a common ground on. Those things will still be there! If you have many things that do work and many things that you do agree on, you may just find yourself a little more willing to compromise. Yet, if your only focus is on what isn’t working, you’ll find what isn’t working to become larger.
Example
In your value system as a couple, you agree on a principle that says, “Never go against the other parent’s decision once the child hears it.” STICK TO THAT PRINCIPLE! When working from the principles inside of a value system, applying the principles may take practice and mistakes may very well happen. Keep navigating under the principle anyway. If you have agreed to never go against the other parent’s decision and something happens that you disagree with, do not let your ego lead you into undermining the decision that was already communicated to the children directly. Don’t try to change the decision. Don’t rush into needing your feelings known. Sit back and digest. Wait until you are alone with your partner to address how you feel things should be handled. Try to work together on what will happen next time.
Even if you are the biological parent, STICK TO THAT PRINCIPLE. Don’t play the biological card in front of your children against the stepparent, thinking that as the biological parent, you do not have to stick to that principle. Work it out between the two of you. If it’s really something that warrants a change and is better for the individual child, both partners could sit down with the child and explain, allowing the person who handled the decision to lead the conversation. Unless it’s better for the biological parent to lead, based on what’s happening. Every couple has the right to create value systems that works for their individual homes.
You may want the children to have the same bedtime every night, while the other parent believes this is not necessary. The other parent may want the children to have dessert every evening, while you don’t believe it’s necessary. If parents work together, a solution can happen leaving both people feeling satisfied. In this situation it can be as simples as giving the children a dessert every evening before putting them to bed at the same time every evening. These agreements can be changed as life changes, as children’s needs grow, and as your partnership grows. You may, at some point, find less of a need to be inside of the creation process because things are simply working. You may find that when children reach a certain age, you need to go back into the creation process and change things to match where the children are in their development.
As it relates to co-parenting with another adult outside of your home, creating a value system together that also respects the other parent is critical. You can respect another parent without allowing that other parent to dictate what happens in your home. It really does not matter if you feel the other parent doesn’t live a life or parent in a way that warrants respect. Give respect anyway because the children need to be respected.
Many years ago, when I attended the seminars “Children of Divorce” over and over again, what has had a lasting impression on me was how deeply children are affected when one biological parent verbally dishonors the other biological parent. Even saying “I can’t believe your father forgot to send back your blue shirt!” This makes a child feel badly about themselves. To a child, they are a part of both parents. When you comment in this way, the child actually hears your upset and interprets the word “your” to mean them. You are, in essence, talking in the tone that involves them. Therefore, they internalize it as something wrong with them. We certainly don’t want to hurt our children in these moments. We are absolutely able to be upset with an adult without it ever trickling down to mean we are upset with our children. However, children don’t have the cognitive skill set and internalize things we may not understand or be present to, particularly in divorced situations.
If a biological parent has bigger issues then forgetting to pack something that you want returned to your home, being mindful of what a child internalizes should be the absolute priority. Don’t waste your time on being angry, resentful or bitter toward the other parent or trying to get the other parent to change. Instead, create a value system that allows you to be free and move away from focusing on what the other parent is or isn’t doing. Move away from what you feel is wrong with the other parent. Move away from judgment. When you spend your life energy on things
like judging dad for not packing the blue shirt or not living up to your personal standards, your children experience this too. Claiming “It’s because I love my child, and my child deserves a parent who can x, y or z,” that’s your ego justifying your anger, resentment or bitterness. It’s a waste of your time, your energy and your precious moments. Even if you are a thousand times correct in what “should be,” your anger, your resentment, and your bitterness, does not change a thing. It has no power at all. Not only does it lack power, it does not do anything positive for a child.
So what do you do with your feelings that are real?
Have your own emotional evolutionary process. If you need a support system to express yourself because you just can’t seem to let the anger, resentment and bitterness go, get the support you need from other adults outside of your home. Don’t use your spouse as a venting board, as it relates to your resentments. Get yourself a support system.
Too many times, parents get caught in the trap of being angry for years. They start out seeking a support system to vent. As time marches on, as the years go by, they continue to vent the same thing, have the same level of anger, the same intensity in their resentments, and live a life where everything is about what’s wrong with the other parent. It’s simply not worth it. It sucks your life energy, not the other parent’s life energy. Haven’t you noticed? It zaps your ability to be free and present to your life. It zaps your creativity, and it zaps your spirit. As you are being zapped, the other parent is simply being who they are and living their life.
Once again, this leads us back to how the lesson is rarely about the other person and mostly about what we need to learn. Sometimes the lesson is that we need to come to terms and accept other people are who they are. This doesn’t mean we have to agree.
Many times, when a parent isn’t capable of providing their children with something, the stepparent or other biological parent is capable of providing the children with that exact thing. Sometimes, another person can provide our children with exactly what our child needs. The universe has set this child up to be provided for in this particular way. As biological parents, we aren’t always the people who provide our children with exactly what they need. Teachers, coaches, and other people have been inspiring and providing children for a long time. If it’s being provided, focus your life energy on what is there. Navigate your life accordingly.
A side note: Teenagers are hard to handle. Teenagers and people experiencing a mid-life crisis can actually have similar symptoms. Both points in life, a person is in transition. These can be very difficult transitions. Some teenagers and mid-lifers don’t struggle. Yet, for the people that do struggle, the best thing to understand, when dealing with a person who is in transition is: “this too shall pass.” If the teen is trying to run the show in your home, get the help you need in order for your house to be healthy. If you enter into a relationship with someone who is dealing with teenagers, you may need to go see professional help on how to cope with teens. Pick up some good books on teenagers and stepfamilies to help you versus coming in and being parental. With teenagers, the most stepparents can hope for is to have a relationship where you are more aunt or uncle- like than parental. This needs to be ironed out. Some teens are easier while others are much more difficult. Children who are older aren’t likely to appreciate stepparents who move into a parental role, but they can grow to appreciate their stepparents later, in adulthood. Creating value systems with teenagers in the house can be tricky.
Treat your home like a new canvas, allowing a world of possibilities to energize the home. You and your partner are the co-creators. Don’t underestimate the power of cleaning out the clutter. If you have a ton of papers and items in your house that are from the past, and you want to keep things for your children, gather everything, put it in a box, mark it with your child’s name, and put it in a storage area.
Get rid of everything you don’t want or need. Having a bunch of things that we don’t want or need can prevent us from thinking clearly. If you want to start fresh, do a full cleansing, have a garage sale, or paint the house one room at a time. With each room that you create for your current life, if you fill it up with the newness and fresh look that goes with your lifestyle, you can continue to create your home.
Be a team player inside of your own home. Do what it takes to transform the energy in your home to be happy and healthy for everyone involved. Remember, you are individuals first. Make yourself happy. Second; you are a couple. Make each other happy! Take all that happiness that you give yourself and each other and use it to love, guide, and teach the children. It really doesn’t matter if a person is 6 or 46; everyone deserves to be loved, valued and respected. That’s how we create harmony, cooperation and joy.
Self-Assessment
Write down your value system. Have your partner do the same without seeing yours. Each person should list their values in order of what they view as the priority.
Compare & discuss & prioritize together!
Describe the value system that leads in your home
 
 

When its about our Self Love, Open heart and our ability to Communicate Reverently...
 
As women, when we give ourselves permission to care about our own life force, our energy rises.  This allows room for a softer flow towards expanding our compassion and empathy in reverent time.
 
It is important that women in stepfamilies have room to grow as women. To be able to share their needs, wants and desires in a way where both women remain healthy while also having reverence for the relationships the children have with the other adults in their lives.
 
It's a powerful context to live within, to grow within, to mend and to build within.

​The invitation:  Take what resonates with you, do what you want with it and ignore what is not workable in your reality. You are free, always. It’s your life, your moments, your heart, your family.     
Much Love,
  Christina Marie 
The Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator


 
 
 
https://www.christinamariewhinnery.com/stepfamily-living-blog
 
Conscious Co-Parenting: Levels
 
 
https://www.christinamariewhinnery.com/stepfamily-living-blog/conscious-co-parenting-levels
 
 
Co-Parenting: The Peaceful Exchange Program
https://www.christinamariewhinnery.com/stepfamily-living-blog/co-parenting-the-peaceful-exchange-program
 
 
 
Biological Fathers in Stepfamilies: The Hero's Journey....
https://www.christinamariewhinnery.com/stepfamily-living-blog/biological-fathers-in-stepfamilies-the-heros-journey
 
 

 
 
LOVE AFFAIR WITH THY SELF
THE MOVEMENT
Realign with being one another’s Lover and/or Friend to begin:


EXPANDED FAMILY MASTERMIND*
 
“Having a lover/friend who regards you as a living growing criatura, being, just as much as the tree from the ground, or a ficus in the house, or a rose garden out in the side yard... having a lover and friends who look at you as a true living breathing entity, one that is human but made of very fine and moist and magical things as well... a lover and friends who support the ciatura in you... these are the people you are looking for. They will be the friends of your soul for life. Mindful choosing of friends and lovers, not to mention teachers, is critical to remaining conscious, remaining intuitive, remaining in
charge of the fiery light that sees and knows.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés
 
 

 
Within the stepfamily: There is a Fence and there is a bridge

that's what everyone has to work with.
 
The push to mend the fence vs the push to build the bridge.
 
 
 
It's an unnecessary forcing and there are other options. There are several ways to create anything…Now we head into the RX
​

LINK TO THE BODY/MIND/HEART ONE WORD MANTRA DAILY PRACTICE BLOGS
 
Body, Mind, Heart Daily Mantra's as a practice with or without the Rhythm Guides
 
https://www.loveaffairwiththyself.com/love-affair-with-thy-self-blog/body-mind-heart-daily-mantras-as-a-practice-with-or-without-the-rhythm-guides
 
 
 
THE WOMAN’S GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING YOUR OWN NATURAL RHYTHMS

AND

THE COMPANION GUIDE:
THE GUIDE FOR THOSE WHO LOVE US


 

 
How to use the Natural Rhythms Guides Mastermind System to create Synergy within your organization to expand productivity.
 
https://www.loveaffairwiththyself.com/love-affair-with-thy-self-blog/how-to-use-the-natural-rhythms-guides-mastermind-system-to-create-synergy-within-your-organization-to-expand-productivity
 
Natural Rhythms: Holding Your Shape & Owning Your Space in interpersonal connections.
 
https://www.loveaffairwiththyself.com/love-affair-with-thy-self-blog/natural-rhythms-holding-your-shape-owning-your-space-in-interpersonal-connections
 
 
 
 Shining the Light On YOU
 
 
As you begin to work within your own family’s unique rhythms, your bigger, deeper family goals, hopes and dreams begin to surface, resurface, rearrange and reorganize. It’s a lot easier to be committed to harmonizing in reverent time when we become more congruent within our own selves, with one another as we find creative innovative ways to be stable in our focus and flexible in how we are going to move through the obstacles, detours and the constraints.
 
Remember to take a birds eye view so that you can bring in the expanded consciousness of
 
 
MENDING FENCES WHILE BUILDING BRIDGES IN REVERENT TIME
 
 
Write down your Top 6 Hopes, Dreams or Family Goals 

​Share what your Stepfamily goal is and who you need to be to move it where you want your family’s future to go.
 
Below detailed as possible. Really get into it. TIP: USE YOUR HEART

 
 
 
 
 
 
Share your WHY 

 
 
 

This is your Goal/ Unique Rhythms
Mastermind Method
FOCUS. 
 
Should you reach your goal within a short period of time, pick another one. Go through the same process and begin again. You will be surprised how quickly things can happen when you are holding your own shape and owning your own space.
https://www.loveaffairwiththyself.com/
 
 
 
 
Synergy is better than my way or your way. It's our way.
 
~Steven Covey
 
 
 
 



MASTERMIND METHOD
 
To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
 
- Buckminster Fuller
 



 
This environment creates the soil for new ideas, solutions, progress and movement toward mending divorced fences while building stepfamily bridges in reverent time. We come together with the awareness mending and building takes time.
 
As with anything we wish to bring consciousness to the table, the Expanded Family Mastermind Method begins before it begins.
 
Pathology focus or optimum well-being focus. Within a stepfamily there is usually co-existence hence the foundation: Mending Fences while building bridges in reverent time. There are ways we can keep our children in alignment with their own body/mind and heart as we figure out the solutions to whatever is going on inside the home, in each home and in between each home.
 
 
 
The body/mind and heart one-word mantra daily practice is where to begin before any family begins
 
The Woman’s Guide for Understanding Your Own Natural Rhythms and the guide for those who love us four - month journaling process is simplistic in nature.
 
Families coming together within a community to mastermind can be a valuable resource.
 
Within every community you have a group of human beings who all have a collection of life experiences, various skill sets and more. Each person has their own unique gift to share within their community. The Expanded Family Mastermind Method is an excellent opportunity to bring everyone’s unique gifts into the equation. You know that neighbor you’ve been judging? That person actually has within him or her this incredible gift they would gladly bestow upon you. An insight, something that would actually take your intention with your family to the next level. It’s incredible what happens when we allow others to contribute to us from the center of their own hearts. The opportunity to give, that’s what makes people feel best and most valued.
 
The key is to have access and clarity regarding our bigger stepfamily, hopes, goals and dreams so thoroughly worked out, written down and tweaked until we are very clear what our bigger intention is.
 
You bring that into the mastermind.
Getting clear within. What’s true for you as it relates to Levels of Co-Parenting? Bringing mindfulness to where you are as it relates to Navigating within your home, as it relates to clearly defined Value Systems. You show up in your Stepfamily Mastermind group with your biggest Family Hope, Goal or Dream. You aren’t asking for advice. You are sharing what you want for your family, the person next to you is sharing what they want for their family and you help each other via ideas resources, encouragement, support and/or simply reassurance.
 
Someone has to lead, however the leadership exists within the framework/structure of the flow of all Four Mastermind Group Meetings. Someone has to be the gatekeeper holding the space for the flow to be able to move and circulate.
 
The Formula at the Mastermind is very simple
 
 
EXPANDED STEPFAMILY MASTERMIND METHOD INSIDE THE GROUP
 
 
 
Meditation to get everyone in the room body/mind and heart
 
Each person shares their name
Body feels
Mind is thinking
Heart is
With their one word
 
They share their Expanded Family Hope, Goal or Dream to have everyone in the group listen to what their desire is and to keep them focused, centered and grounded within. The more we speak life into our hopes, dreams and goals from the space of being aligned within our body/mind/heart (what resonates within on all of those levels) the more support we can get inside the mastermind and the harder it will feel to live below that line.
 
Each person writes an RX note to the individual who just shared.
 
A tip, suggestion, resource, encouragement, reassurance.
 
It’s the next person’s turn.

You close this part of the mastermind, the structured part. You connect organically as people via potluck or just enjoy one another’s company.  Anything beyond that is up to each community to decide for themselves.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Just something I've been working on since my meditation the other day

How does all my work all connect as one....


​It just does 

Stay tuned

Today I was thinking about a scene in the movie....

You could be a wife, you got the security, the children and for the most part, you were forbidden to get an education and your marriage was usually lacking in all things love... which had the power to harden a woman's heart. The hardened hearted women, is usually the most unhappy. There is danger to the female physiology inside of that. 

Or
​You could be a courtesan. You were welcomed into the libraries and revered for your body and your brains. However, you were also discarded eventually and treated like an outcast, mostly by the women who just happened to be born into more wealth..

There is a scene where Veronica's mother comes into the room after Veronicas first experience. There is a blue drink to "prevent baby's because pregnancy isn't good for business. 

This re-count/movie is based on a true story in Venice in the 18th century.

There is nothing new going on here....

It's an excellent movie to maybe wake a few women up to the deeper issue and perhaps.....expand 

Your body, your choice. Her body, not your business. 

That is all

​Stay tuned 

You have to wonder if the dietary trends make people feel worse or better. You just never know.


serotonin (5-HT) neurotransmitter system is widely distributed in the central nervous system and is involved in modulating mood, appetite, sleep, sexual activity, ag- gression, and psychomotor activation.

serotonin boosters.


Salmon


chicken, turkey, and goose


Eggs.


Spinach.


Milk


Nuts


Multiple research studies have demonstrated that exercise is at least equally effective at increasing available serotonin as serotonin-enhancing medications are, and in some cases exercise is more effective.


Gut health. Digestion. Super duper important.


​

Expanded #Consciousness
#Expanded #Self
#Expanded #Family
#Expanded #Humanity
All #connect and #intersect as “one”


Last year’s memory.....


“Well, I’m grieving and I’m learning about Peri-menopause as I go here. Sometimes the cortisol rushes to my brain so fast I don’t even know it happened until after it’s already happened. So if you want to hang out with me... it’s important that you know this. Also though, I do have a 100% solution proof system that works every time with me.


All you have to do is hug me.


What happens is, the cortisol is replaced by oxytocin.


I have been living alone a long tine now and I’ve conditioned myself to feel good. On my own. It just so happens that warm and fuzzy is my all time favorite sensation, this works 100% of the time within seconds.


I’m letting you know so that you can win with me. I want you to win with me.”


I have never been peri-menopausal before. I don’t even have access or power yet in my own management system.


peri-menopause for me (which was exasperated by a series of significant losses-grief) for me personally -was something I had to learn how to manage for myself.




Every month, there was some subtle difference or some not so subtle difference. Last months itchy back disappeared and next month something else showed up.


Being that I have not been living my own life waiting for marriage or starving for sex since I feel I am old enough now to have agency over my own sexuality....


I have a wide bandwidth of experiences that let me know some important distinctions.


the men who understand that form of communication -actually want to win with women. They see you as amazing. Hormones are not only no big deal -all they want to do is make you feel better if you don’t feel good. They seem to understand their real power is in giving. Not taking.


Like the wolf.


The very moment my energy shifted he grabbed me very quickly and I melted instantly and within seconds we laughed at me and him and each other.


He had his moments too and we just moved through them quickly.


Never willing to waste any time holding each other “down.”


I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe”






So when a man says something as insane as “You have to make me want to hug you, you have to earn a hug from me.


After I have gifted him with the exact key that would allow him to win with me 100% of the time at this stage of my life....plus you are totally free to not hang out with me. I’m good either way and I understand. Either way...




Hmmmm let me think


I have to “earn” something as simple as a hug?


I’m sorry. No thank you.


To be honest, I hear that as a feminine response. Not a
masculine one.


You want me to be your hero?


You want me to prove my worth and get on my horse and gallop off to slaying dragons as you lounge around while someone feeds you grapes.






All that will happen is you will negatively impact my female physiology and that will cause me to go against my nature and something inside of me will be activated. I will become overly masculine to your feminine approach.






And then the world will come down on ME blaming me for not being more meek in my femininity or they will also blame me for being too masculine


No matter how we spin it...if I was more meek or I was this or I was that....it would work out.




That is illogical at best and the least loving thing I could ever do for either of us.


Especially you.


Pretend that I’m willing to see myself as less than worthy or not worthy enough of love exactly as I am right now.


When really....we could be hugging and playing and laughing and adding years to each other’s lives via enrichment and more.

it’s time. To come back to this blog. Since I’m working on something that’s bigger than me. As in bigger than me for real.

New Stanford research shows that aging adults play critical roles in the lives of young people, especially the most vulnerable in society. Volunteering is one way to bring older adults and young people together. The key is to change social norms to encourage relationship building between generations.


When older adults contribute to the well-being of youth, it cultivates a sense of purpose and extends benefits both ways


Super Important:


Research shows children need four to six involved, caring adults in their lives to fully develop #emotionally and socially.


🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿💕💕 Something for Stepfamilies to consider. 🙏🏼 💕💕Reconsider on their journey of mending fences while building bridges in reverent time. 🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿


“Carstensen’s prior research has found that as people age, their brains actually improve in many ways, including in complex problem-solving and emotional skills. “It is a huge loss for society not to offer such counsel and experience to others, especially young people,” she said.


Distinctive Qualities.


The aging population has “distinctive qualities to meet the needs of youth,” she and her co-authors wrote. “Older adults are exceptionally suited to meet these needs in part because they welcome meaningful, productive activity and engagement. They seek – and need – purpose in their lives.”


Benefits for underprivileged children
The Stanford Center on Longevity, Encore.org and the Packard Foundation sponsored the report, “Hidden in Plain Sight: How Intergenerational Relationships Can Transform Our Future.”




Such relationships are important for society. They can help ensure that children and teens receive the kind of attention and mentoring they often lack, especially among the most vulnerable populations, the Stanford scholars said. These relationships also offer older adults opportunities to learn about new technology and trends, and experience the excitement of seeing the world through a younger perspective.
Laura Carstensen, a Stanford psychology professor who led the report and is the director of the Stanford Center for Longevity, said, “Contrary to widespread beliefs that older populations consume resources that would otherwise go to youth, there is growing reason to think that older people may be just the resource children need.”

Any community can begin with the simplicity of the Body Mind Heart One Word Mantra. To keep children healthy body-mind and heart. As a fun practice -as they do that. The four to six people do their reconnection work too.


Then.....before the or as the hormones arrive...there is an opportunity.....


To keep the flow of self referral going in a reverent four month process.


The development is such that...there is a deeper mindfulness from the start.


From the start a young girl learns how to use her new development as a way to remain deeply and intimately connected to herself and this is supported in a community setting without shame.
During mensuration- She cleanses whatever may be going on in her body/mind or heart. And she has the wisdom of the elders to do that.
Pre-ovulation. She moves into clarity journaling. This moves her hopes, dreams and goals into focus.
During Ovulation innovation is where she travels. If she wants a family or wants to be a scientist it does not matter she’s living inside the laws of her own nature.
Then intentional self care. Maybe she will need that. Maybe she won’t because she’s being treated with such dignity and respect that her PMS doesn’t require extra extra. Who knows.
As the older community of women circle around her they too get to remove a life time of residue while also amazing themselves with all the wisdom they have gathered through a life time of living.


Everyone wins. Everyone is held.


And it doesn’t go against medical communities -what it does is bring anyone who needs medical care directly to the proper place.

It’s just a vision that I have......


A woman who is cleansing, moving to clarity, toward innovation and into self care-IS developing her capacity to Hold her shape and own her space.


Therefore, the Companion Guide having those two intentions....


Again: Everyone wins and everyone is mending fences while building bridges in reverent time.


Additionally, the women who aren’t into their own cycles...can also opt for the other Guide.


And the women who are into the IUD’s -
Mirena?
Kyleena?
Paragard?
Liletta?
Or
Skyla?
3, 5 or 10 years?
copper/Paragard
Or
Hormone/progestin


Can also opt for the Companion Guide.


But you still have to pick a sister who has a Cycle so you can grow together because it is designed to flow with all four phases.


It’s really just an opportunity for everyone to have a love affair with themselves and each other.


In mastermind groups no larger than 10 participants.


Meeting bi-weekly or monthly.


Individually and together


Community.


Mommy and daughter Masterminds....

Father and
son masterminds.


Mix it up anyway that works for all.

Lovers. Partners. People who have been married 400 years and want to get new habits or empty nesters who have lost one another along the way.


All of this requires outside referrals. Health care providers and those in the mental health industry.


All body mind and heart areas of specialization.


This is just a structure to support whatever may be needed.




The possibilities.....


Anyway.


That’s my vision.


Natural rhythms

i have no idea how to accomplish this vision.

Stay tuned.

American neurobiologists Elizabeth Parker, Larry Cahill, and James McGaugh (2006) identified two defining characteristics of hyperthymesia: spending an excessive amount of time thinking about one's past, and displaying an extraordinary ability to recall specific events from one's past.[1] The word "hyperthymesia" derives from Ancient Greek: hyper- ("excessive") and thymesis  ("remembering"). 

The debate as to whether hyperthymestic syndrome can be considered a distinct form of memory is ongoing. It is also open to question how far it is an all-or-none condition, or whether people can have the condition to different degrees.
K. Anders Ericsson of Florida State University does not believe that sufficient evidence exists to suggest that the skills of AJ and Williams need additional explanation: "Our work has pretty much concluded that differences in memory don't seem to be the result of innate differences, but more the kinds of skills that are developed."[38]
McGaugh rejects the idea that hyperthymestic syndrome can be explained away so easily; he argues that nothing explains how subjects are able to memorise so much: "You'd have to assume that every day they rehearse it... The probability of these explanations dwindles as you look at the evidence."[38]
Cases of hyperthymesia have forced many people to re-evaluate what is meant by "healthy" memory: "it isn't just about retaining the significant stuff. Far more important is being able to forget the rest.'

Significant debate also exists over the limits of memory capacity. Some are of the view that the brain contains so many potential synaptic connections that, in theory at least, no practical limit exists to the number of long-term memories that the brain can store. In 1961, Wilder Penfield reported that specific stimulation of the temporal lobes resulted in vivid recollection of memories. He concluded that our brains were making "continuous, effortless, video-like recordings" of our experiences, but that these records are not consciously accessible to us. However, a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggested that those with hyperthymesia may reconstruct memories from traces and incorporate post event information and associations—a finding at odds with Penfield's video-like recording analogy.

In terms of the research and development thus far, there is a down side for these 25 humans when they are placed into the container of having a "condition" However, I have to wonder....

​​

What a person with a superior memory can offer the world has to be amazing. As long as..it's not labeled as a condition and as long as, the superior memory person recognizes, their own personal experiences doesn't give them the right to claim knowing anything about anyone else's experience. There has to be a way to train the superior memory brain to generate value for someone with a superior memory of their own experiences so they aren't left with a sense, there is something wrong with them. I'm thinking meditation could be one of those things. 

The distinction that feels most important for anyone who has a superior brain or who has worked through their own life trauma's, I think would be recognizing, your memories of your own existence isn't anyone else's memories. We all experience our own existence differently. 

​

I'm so glad I opted for aloneness these last four years!!!! 

Stay Tuned...