First of all, the woman is very beautiful. Secondly, she's in his field of work, which is absolutely perfect for him. He needs that kind of woman. He's always needed that kind of woman. It was wild for me to see their "LOVE" video...They look super duper happy. In these realms, I couldn't be more happy for them both and all of the children too.
and this part is really not my business...not anymore anyway...
I would have liked to see more integrity in terms of the dates when their love truly began because I was still living in my home when their love began to blossom. In addition to that, she had her fingers on the end of my marriage. I could feel his pushing me was all about this other woman. A woman knows these things. He's a quick trigger kind of guy. He moves like the wind...swiftly. Swoosh...That's how he was with me and that's how he was with his second wife too. I'm not sure about his first wife but he's the ultimate through the courting stage. He excels there. He's dreamy beyond dreamy...I remember this vividly and how my "let's wait," and "Not yet," and "We don't need to move so fast here." Was not to his liking.
To pretend otherwise is just so silly. It's like own your love from start to finish! Embrace it full out!!!!
He chased me before something else was over in his life and someone else came in before our "something" was over. I now wonder.. if the girlfriend whom he dumped after he found me felt the same "Pushing" I felt with this woman. I remember having these same thoughts 10 months into our relationship when I finally made the connection that our beginning -began before their ending-ended. Something made sense to me back then, that did not make sense to me before I discovered the overlap.
We were dating at a glacier speed. Which I preferred. I was in no rush. There was a little human involved and I didn't want to meet her too soon. We spoke about this. I kept a journal and a calendar. We were moving at a steady pace. That felt healthy to me. Then all of a sudden...he picked up the pace. He wanted more time, he wanted to move faster than I was comfortable with. Tension began to build between us because I was a "no, this doesn't feel right...let's move slower" and he was a "Let's GO...Let's GO NOW
It wasn't until several months later this and other things came together -all at once for me. The speed of our connection shifted the minute this girlfriend moved out of the house.
When I did meet the little one, his ex-wife said "It's too soon." I remember thinking what the hell is she talking about? We've been connecting for months and we discussed waiting for me to meet this little one, and we did wait. So how is this "too soon?"
But she knew what I did not know. What she meant was "it's too soon since your girlfriend just moved out" I did not know this. Instead, I was focused on the ex-wife.
I suspect she had this same tension all these years later because this woman was introduced to my stepdaughter and my in-laws less than a month after I left and that is SOON.
Yet the truth is our marriage sucked. I don't even know if my stepdaughter can even remember her father and I, our beginning and how we looked as happy as these two love birds look in their engagement video now. I don't think she remembers the love, the joy, the same bright shinny faces we used to have because she was so little.
In this way, It would be nice...to hear and know...there is true integrity and a willingness to be so fully true to one's self...that you do not try to hide any of yourself. After all, we all know anyway so why not just be true to you through and through....
“There’s another kind of love, Amanda. One that gives you the courage to be better than you are, not less than you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible. I want you to know that you could have that. I want you to hold out for it.”
It seems very clear to me, he has been searching for that all along and I do not fault him for that. I had to be less than I am to stay in that marriage and I suspect the same was true for him. Who knows.
I really love how happy it made me to see these love birds happy. It's just that when I see the "date" of this love...I'm like "Well that is just bullshit"
But it's not my bullshit and that feels so good. So So SO GOOD
Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude. It incorporates blame shifting.
"You will never do your work. You will never work on your blindspots. You won't do it because you're beautiful you will just find another man to marry quickly and never truly look at yourself"
When I see that video.
I see my eyes in her eyes. *Sparkle *Sparkle.
I see the me he first met.
I loved seeing the love in her eyes. I loved seeing him being loved. I loved seeing my stepdaughter happy and joyful and with her expanded family. And I loved that I loved seeing those things.
I wish them all the love, joy and abundance in the world.
As sometimes it takes some of us a while to find our true north...
My son was so sweet before he drifted off to sleep "Mom, should I have not shown you that?" Concerned about my feelings as he did know there was going to be that Love Video for me to see.
"I'm thrilled to see this" I said.
It's confirming and validating and I LOVE LOVE. I want him to be loved in all the ways I couldn't.... he does not inspire me. I do not inspire him. It's all perfect now.
Besides....I'm about to do my meditation, then put my sneakers on and head out for my morning walk as I watch the sun rise on the magical island that I live on- which is full of incredible reverence, wonder and humans from all over the world.
My soon to be 25 year old son is here with me this week. I'm excited to be able to celebrate his birthday with him in Hawaii.
My life is a dream....my former spouse was a huge part of helping me create what is true for me now. I have reverence for that and him