Yesterday was cry day for sure. Look at chickens-cry. Seems reasonable. They are after all "my babies." Pack something-cry. Again, reasonable (at least to me)
But what surprised me was the odd things that prompted tears.
Odd things like... looking at the tile floor in the dinning room. The tiles that I had spent several days of my time and energy helping to put in one tile at a time. The fact that I had so many feelings around a tile floor made me feel a bit insane. Grief over a tile floor?
Quickly though, I decided whatever was coming up for me needed to come up and if it was something as silly as a tile floor, so what. I've just spent the last three years of my life turning this house into a home. Blood, sweat and tears. (And you bet the work of putting in a tile floor brought some frustrated tears) Of course whatever was done here can be done again. But I wonder how often we pretend something doesn't matter to us when it does? I wonder what happens to people who don't take the time to grieve something as seemingly silly as this. Or I wonder how often people look around their house and see all they have created and that stops them from moving on or re-creating their lives. I suspect this happens a lot because it feels pretty heavy. And it's not really about the tile floor or the material things. It's about all you have created, all the time you spent creating and all the love you had in you while you were creating all those things. And because I've been drinking the kool-aid I've become attached to the silly.
Then I was prompted by hard feelings to open a bottle of wine by 1pm. I had big plans to get smashingly drunk like you see people do it in the movies...why not? Let me try this too...a flawed plan though.. because by 5pm I was still sipping from the first glass I poured myself. I didn't get smashingly drunk but I did drink enough wine to get a really great nights sleep.
I feel so much better today. Well rested and was able to be my chicken momma self.
Some gals needed a bath. And now that I'm free from cry day and had an excellent nights sleep-I can think straight and plan smart. Creating this transition in a way that flows harmoniously...