Added Daily Rituals in Development
It's been exactly 13 weeks today. That is, 3 months since his passing however... it's actually been a total of 10 months from the moment I began to feel internal levels of anxiety and began to recognize some changes inside myself just being aware. Therefore, for me - it's been most of 2017. I have so much that I am deeply grateful for throughout the entire year and now it's the holiday season. The first holiday season and I actually feel very good rather than sad. I feel for my mother and my family. However, inside of myself. I feel good at this time and it feels like I feel good at this time because
I' am limiting my social output. I've already done a lot of holiday cheer stuff and I feel complete. The thought of doing more makes me feel stress, the thought of staying in my own space, working and writing and taking it easy...makes me feel peaceful and it seems to me, anything that makes me feel peaceful is the right thing for me to do and the right things for me to focus on. Being with my hula Ohana feels the most like being with my family so I'm more prone to say yes there.
I moved through the few things that felt like things I needed to move through.
The other thing is my intentional add on to my daily morning ritual. This helps me a lot.
Ka Makini Ka'ili Aloha
Some days, I dance once and it's congruent on all levels. Other days it can take up to 5x's dancing that song until I am congruent on all levels. As I float between them both. When I float to my father sometimes I experience this odd sense that I still can't believe he's no longer here, then I float back to my mother and I feel for her. When this happens, I put the song on again until I feel love and lifted. The next morning perhaps it's one time and done. The morning after that it could be that tears float out as I float back and forth. That usually indicates the days where it takes me 3 to 5 times dancing to that song before I have the congruent sensation that lets me feel complete for the day. I've also experienced the awareness that some day it is possible that I will be doing this for both of them because they will both be gone and what that feels like is...I will have something that aligns with my mothers wishes to have her ashes combined with my father's. My thoughts just float where they float....In addition to that, there is this other awareness bringing me to how...for all I know...I could be next. You just never know.
Through all the floating thoughts and awareness-if feels like...by the end of this ritual I have created something for myself that pulls out what is in me while bringing me something that soothes my soul.
“Every organized religion holds that certain behaviors, rituals, personalities, places, and/or books are sacred. These organized teachings are proper in their own place, but they are mere options for the one infused with devotion. To such a one, God is direct and spontaneous, providing him with an immediate source of guidance and direction. His relationship with God is not mediated through anyone or anything.”
― Prem Prakash, The Yoga of Spiritual Devotion A Modern Translation of the Narada Bhakti Sutras