and that meant I would have to walk or get a ride back from my hula teacher (she lives just a few blocks away from me)
Either one would be fine for me so I said yes.
Class was so good and we made our Hula teacher very happy because everyone was in the place of being open to feedback (aka corrections) and when that happens, when we are all inSync...as a teacher, it fills her up too.
On the ride to Hula I was explaining to my landlord: I now say a prayer of sorts before class starts. Cause I don't want anything getting in the way of my learning. Not even myself.
The prayer changes depending on my state of being before each class. I usually feel into my body as I ride the bike to hula, i can feel good things happening as my legs are moving the peddles of the bike. I lean in to see where I am because I want to show up both full and empty. Full in myself, empty with others. Full in myself to me means being clear about, how I show up and my own intention when I show up. Empty with others allows me to be the student who is learning yet that also means, if I am positioned in the center or the front of the class, I don't wig out too. Cause every time I'm told to be upfront and/or center, I get wacky. Something happens to me where I become Rockewell singing "Somebody's Watching me" haha
I'm just an average man, with an average life......
People say I'm crazy.
Just a little touched.
This also includes moments where I know a song, all the choreography because I practice it every day and I've been practicing it every day and then I show up in class-and some place through the process, I've added my own little moves to the song unintentionally...
Like: Puamana. I really love it and a part of why I really love it is because I know all the choreography and what the song is about. I know I'm picking a flower, smelling a flower. I know my hands are palm trees moving in the trade winds. I know I'm moving like the waves in the ocean, I also know when I step forward I'm talking about the brightness of the moon and that's actually on of my favorite parts of the entire song. The big bright moon. I like many of the transitions. The moment where I'm representing a swaying palm tree in flow one second and then very quickly yet gracefully I feel myself moving from flow to stillness. I can feel it in my body and I don't even know when that happened or when I got it, it's just happening and I really love that sensation.
One of my challenges has been: When I'm very clear I am doing it correctly and I've been doing it that way for a year and I learn-nope, that needs to be tweaked. I'm not upset with anyone else as much as I'm upset because my muscles now have a memory with the songs, the words and the movements and that made it harder for me. YET, I'm very proud to be experiencing something is happening where it's not as hard on me as it once was.
FULL & EMPTY
There are these other super cool moments that happen too.
After our amazing class...
One of our hula sisters had her little baby granddaughter with her. She's 7 months old and gosh she was a beautiful little munchkin. When I went to get a closer look, she was sleeping. You know what whole sweet little human sleeping and all you see is their eye lashes laying gently over their eyes. It's pretty sweet. And her little body looked so soft and cuddly. So I whispered "Oh I just want to squeeze her!" I was a solid two feet away from the baby.
Right away one of the other women moved in on me, she jumped into my space and very closely to my face, she said: "Don't you dare wake that baby!" In a very stern and seemingly serious face.
I could feel the truth inside my body. That was a space violation for me. Generally speaking and as a rule of thumb, I'm not a huge fan of anyone violating my space in that way. At the same time, I absolutely know what it means to be protective of a baby sleeping. In addition to that, some of the women don't really know me or anything about me. They just know I'm an excitable childlike puppy in my enthusiasm. It is not uncommon or even unreasonable that my way of being is misperceived, or misinterpreted.
In addition to that, I can also be the person misperceiving and misinterpreting. She may have been being just as playful with me as I was being in my expression, and maybe her playfulness just comes out in a particular way because I was no place even close to touching that baby and I wouldn't have.
Just because I want to squeeze a little human doesn't mean I will do it. I was just expressing how her cuteness bubbled up all the sensations and internal desires inside of me.
I was able to laugh and my response was something along the lines of, as a mom-I get the sleeping baby thing. All is okay....
I really don't know that hula sister well enough to know her well enough-to know. Lol. (If that makes any sense)
I only know all the women in my group are amazing and they all love to hula. Learning the depth and uniqueness of each woman, who she is, what she stands for...whatever...all of that takes time. I love them all in a general way and through time and opportunity, the more I get to know each woman, the more I like each woman.
I love that feeling of knowing -I don't know any person well enough to know...
because it offers me freedom and it offers me choices too. This moment wouldn't even be worth mentioning if I wasn't looking into all the places I am seeing where being both full and empty benefits me and my connection with any person. And the protective mother/grandmother instinct, Well...I kind of love that a lot actually. This is the same woman who gave me oodles and oodles of empathy and compassion when I fell off my bike.
Sometimes a woman's passion for caring about someone falling off their bike or no one waking the baby...is what makes them so beautiful and a woman will be fierce about these types of things. Fierce in her protectiveness, fierce in her empathy, fierce in her compassion.
The moment was fleeting and essentially...empty.
Yet in my retrospecting mindfulness....I get to see:
When I am full and empty-i have that expanded reality. When I do not take the time to make sure I'm full - okay, a lot of the time I can easily have that expanded reality but sometimes when I am not full or something isn't balanced inside of my own body-I can easily get into that confusion where my emptiness allows me to be filled by my own limited perception. And when that happens it takes away from the moments of my own life.
Within the next free moment.... there was an amazing invitation for dinner!
I was just thinking the other day, as much as I love to cook-it would be nice to have someone do all the cooking in the moments when I'm so focused on what I'm doing, I don't take the time to cook for myself.
It was cute because we spoke about how it would be good to have three different husbands. One that cooked, one that knew how to fix everything and one more who knew how to dance. Lol. I was thinking about this and I thought...yes. That would be ideal. And it would also take some of the pressure off a man having to master at all of those things! :)
I'm joking and I'm also not because...
When someone cooks for me I'm very grateful. That always feels special to me. Clearly I can cook for myself.
When someone fixes things for me, I'm also very happy. I can surely do a lot of home repairs myself and others it is legitimate that I don't know what the heck I am doing and I see no valid or legitimate reason I need to learn how to do everything myself to prove someone else's theory or stand on what it means to be an independent woman.
It really does make me feel warm and fuzzy when a man fixes things. I really like that and what is so wrong about a woman feeling warm and fuzzy.
And a man who can dance....ding ding ding. These are things that give me the warm and fuzzies. And warm and fuzzies move through my body, my spirit and my brain too. The warm and fuzzies is really where it's at with me. Ultimately.
What I loved the most about that sweet and funny conversation was how -there wasn't one woman who said "One husband for money."
We are talking married and single women here. I really loved that conversation and the absence of the money tag line to all things, and using money as a reason, an excuse, as a way to avoid connection, as a power game, as what is the most important thing ever...totally removed from the conversation.
I love money because I love freedom. Yet, the way people abuse connections and each other in the name of who has more and who has less, is something that I do not love about the topic of money. This has become extremely perverse in parenting of the children and in divorce situations too. But that's a whole different blog....
I really enjoyed this invitation, the connection and the opportunity to play, think and be with people.
Get the cerebral juices flowing in connection with good people is one of the keys for me in quality living... I really appreciate it so much!
Nothing good for Saturday because all I did was work and write and write and write :)
I leave you with Alan Watts on Falling in Love.....
"So actually, the course of wisdom...what is really sensible...is to let go, is to commit one's self, to give one's self up, and that's quite mad"