Today was amazing for me. Actually, it began two days ago. One delay after another. Technical issues out of my control and more.
When I'm ready to go, ready to complete a project, inspired, in the moment and tech issues, delays or obstacles keep coming...I have so much internal momentum sometimes, it's like a collision. My Excited momentum vs the Obstacle Anxiety(frustration)
What to do...what to do...
Yesterday, just as I was about to head into the zone of anxiety...I found myself shutting everything off, pulling my shades down, typed in "Netflix" found a chick flick, got cozy in bed and just zoned out. I had to let go of time lines, deadlines and just be because I could feel I was about to "go there." that place where frustration can take hold.
I have learned though, through my commitment to my T.M practice, my daily love affair with myself practice and a few other things...to head on down stream when I feel that stress begin to enter my being. When I allow myself to do that, I seem to bounce back quickly.
Somehow, there is more power in zoning out, looking away, shutting everything off for just a few hours. Nothing major, the world will not come to an end, I can trust myself. I also walked an unintended 9 miles on Tuesday. It was only a 6 mile walk (to and from) yet with my need to be Dora the Explorer and venture off the guided path...I ended up doing 1 mile more than I intended. It's not a complaint, there is just an awareness, here in Hawaii, mid-day, can get pretty intense when you are walking with the beautiful sun shinning down on you. I think that was another leading factor, my body just needed a little TLC.
Romantic Dramas, comedy, inspirational, educational or any passionate story that sucks me into it's vortex...there is something about it-I LOVE it. I'm a sucker for a Happy Ending and for me, a happy ending doesn't have to be a walk down the aisle. As long as love wins, I am happy.
That filled me up enough to head on out and about.
It was only after filling myself up and getting a good nights sleep that I woke up full of solutions and actions steps to move forward. This made me very happy.
That's what it needs and I know this.
My icloud is STILL "backing up" It's now almost mid-night. If I don't do this, all of my apps, pictures and more will be gone.
The goal is, by tomorrow morning, it will be backed up, I can return to apple and do all of those videos I've been wanting to do for the last 48 hours (maybe longer)
My bank is about 2.5 miles away from where I live on the other side of the canal and through a very residential area that feels a little less urban but not quite suburbia. Some place in between perhaps.
I had all new experiences through the journey.
First, I heard a homeless woman who was listening to her fm/am radio laughing and truly enjoying some old school R & B. She was just in pure joy. I could hear her for a while on my walk and that made me smile and sometimes giggle.
Then I heard a dove mating call. I haven't heard that because I have my headphones glued to my ears when I walk. It was beautiful.
I noticed some new flowers, some cool houses and most of all, not taking Uber or a bike and not having my phone forced me to print out directions. This meant, I actually had to hook up my printer (a generous gift from a friend here in Hawaii) I've been 100% digital this entire time. Boy did it feel good to print something out and now to have the printer working and to be able to fix that on my own-felt great to me
This also meant-I had to deal with my incredibly bad sense of direction. No phone meant doing it the old fashioned way. Actually following directions. I have to say, that was tough for me at first. Yet somewhere within my first wrong turn, I sensed I was going the wrong way, redirected myself and it was smooth sailing. So much so, by the time I left the bank, I didn't even need my directions and I also ventured on new streets that actually brought me home really fast. It was awesome.
I don't really feel any different being single this up coming valentine's day than I did married. I've been very blessed or maybe spoiled. I've had years upon years of amazing valentine's days. Extravagant Gifts, vacations and more. Men have been very good to me in my life time on valentine's day. This includes my Dad who... to this day still sends me a card. I have all of those memories and all of my gratitude, pleasure and joy that comes with holding onto the beauty of the experiences.
People often mistake my dysfunctional marriage to mean I am used to being treated poorly. That's their conclusion, not my reality -by any stretch of the imagination.
For me personally, I am seeing Honolulu prepare for the BIG DAY OF LOVE... It's the weekend now, it's busy here, busy with lovers and more lovers. Everything about Hawaii screams lovers. I like being around that energy. Seeing people love each other fills me, makes me happy, gives me hope for humanity. Let's me know romantic love isn't dead, it has a pulse people are still taking that risk and it is so very beautiful.