My immediate response was to straighten up and say "No, now please get out of my way"
He moved in closer as if he was going to take his bullying one step further. I became stronger and taller as I looked him in his eyes and said "I said no, now move out of my way immediately!" He conceded, getting out of my way. I parked my bike, plugged in my phone, put my hula skirt on and began. I didn't have the time or the desire to think about that moment, past that moment. Yet after class as I was heading to the back door, I realized I could actually take the long way all the way around the building and avoid the Ping-Pong people all together.
When I shared this incident with my Hula sisters...they were so funny, they said "GOOD, because they are consistently disrupting class with all those balls. Which made me laugh. I pay no attention to the ping-pong people so I don't even know what's happening beyond trying to learn... but that cracked me up.
So today, I took the LONG way around the building through the back and went through the back door which is a lot less convenient for me but you know...I like things to be peaceful.
And today was a very special day anyway. My hula sisters all gathered around with all the seniors as they made over 12 hundred lei's to put on the military cemeteries. The lei making was 10 to 1 pm. I made it by noon and they were already done. Which means I missed the opportunity to contribute in the way I wanted to and the lei's were already gone by the time I arrived so I didn't even get to see them either.
The gathering, to me: is lovely. First of all, I think it shows incredible reverence and respect. Yet it also gives the seniors a chance to gather and create and I wanted to be a part of that experience. I missed out, however, Momi gave me a bunch of left over flowers to put in my hair. I had them all over the place. Maybe 6 to 8 of them.
Because I was already there...I got to be in class with the advanced Hula sisters. This felt like a great privilege because you know...those are the advanced dancers... The advanced students are learning a song called
Aloha Ka Manini!!!!! They finished the first verse and learned the feet of the second verse today. Which means I know the first verse and I learned the feet of the second verse today and I don't want to forget this one because this song is so FUN!!! and I got to learn 3 different ways to move my arms to represent a FISH swimming.
I said to Momi
"This is my favorite move ever!" as I was doing one of the fish moves...
And she said to me "You say that with every song that you are learning"
and that sure did make me laugh. But I really do think this one is my favorite. It feels true today anyway. And I do not want to forget what I learned so I'm going to practice this...this weekend too...
Ku'u Hoa song!!!!! So I will be putting in many hours to have an intimate relationship with this song!!!!!! I'm very excited about it.
I was texting with my Dad and he went into the shower while handing my mom the phone without mentioning it. As we were texting.
I wrote "you know sometimes you and mom treat me like I'm five years old" which was something I would easily say to my own mother too. Next thing you know I get a text from my mom that says the word:
Followed by; Dad handed me his phone before he got in shower.
This had me laughing for a solid 10 minutes. You may need to know my mom and the subtlety of my family's humour to understand just how funny the word BUSTED was for me.
My mother was married when she was 16 years old and 19 years old when I was born. She was 29 years old when I was 10. And 39 years old when I was 20 years old. In childhood she was this soft spoken nurturing Joan Clever kind of mom. Soft. Warm. Gentle. Very very gentle and one of the funniest people. When I was a teenager -not much changed. I think we had one incident in my entire development as a girl turning teen. And even then, when she tried to do the tough love thing with her teenage daughter - it was the sweetest most gentle thing because that was her nature. Gentleness. So I didn't have any of that coming of age tension with my mom as many daughters have had. And through the years her sense of humour and deliverance has just gotten better.
So when she comes out with things like BUSTED. It is just beyond FUNNY!
Today she hits me with the words:
in an IM.
And let's me know his brain is clear. Then proceeds to give me his chemo and radiation schedule which sounds very progressive and intense to me.
I put Ku'u Hoa on and began. At first I felt the joy I usually feel however, my emotions shifted and I began to cry.
This is exactly what I meant by "Sometimes you and mom treat me like I'm five years old." The unwillingness to talk about it to me. Sharing "little pieces" And I know my parents, they love me to death, they love seeing me and feeling me and experiencing me so happy here in Hawaii and they don't want anything getting in the way of that. That is who they are. However....
I am 5000 miles away and he's my father.
I couldn't dance.
So I laid on my bed and began to breath. Just then, my friend Mark called me. He invited me to walk to the fireworks but i am not in the space. When I communicated with him, I began to cry again and Mark (and Michelle) are so good to me. They understood and of course wanted me to remember they are just a few steps away and available for hugs and anything else I may need. But that's really not my way. I like to feel my feelings alone, let them float and move into the next phase.
I hung up the phone, meditated and decided, instead of waiting until October to visit, I'm going to plan something completely different. I'm not sure what that will look like at this very moment. I have no clue how I'm going to make this all work....I'll be figuring that out these next few weeks.