To the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cause that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know, anything goes
Let's tell it like it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be
Those who think it's dirty have a choice
A three-letter word some regard as a curse, see
She's an expert in the field, I am not...yet when I work with mothers and women and talk to my friends....the number one thing that I hear isn't that she's tired. (Although many times she is) It's that the way he treats her in the daily moments, how he speaks to her, what he says. And what I hear is a woman who is dealing with a man who does not make her feel safe. To experience marriage -is to get how these things can turn the corner and shift before anyone in their marriage actually realizes it. Just as with anything else, you have to experience some things to get all the subtlety of it. How easy it is to get all caught up in other things (Work/home/kids) for many people who aren't intentional about their connection. Many people who are intentional about their connection still experience these things.
There are years worth of scientific evidence to support the importance, health and well-being that comes with female orgasm and there are years worth of cultural conditioning that leads women into minimizing their own pleasure centers. And when a woman does that, she goes against something that has the power to lift her into something amazing. Can't force or manipulate the feminine to do, be, have or desire something she doesn't desire, yet at the same time....when we are uneducated, conditioned or just have conflicting belief systems...things can get tricky inside of our own bodies. In this way, when it comes to our physiology, I'm always leaning into what would best serve a woman. Sex serves her health and well-being. Yet the type of sex that is on the current mainstream menu...for many women, isn't something she's going to be able to push past and be excited about a menu that does not appeal to her or has never given her that much pleasure anyway. It's like "Taste this, it's not that good, it will be so so" followed with "Why don't you want to eat this? What is wrong with you?..
That's just weird.
yes, there is the weird and twisty stuff in connection. Sex used as a weapon, in the same way money is used as a weapon, that's been going on much longer than the science behind female orgasm and it's what people do to themselves, even though they think they are doing it to someone else.
That's weird too.
That's why I love when women like
Maria Popova write great articles! And we can all thank our sister Naomi Wolf for being who she is!
If she shows up a "Tomboy"-there is: what we make that mean vs what her actual nature is, which is expansive, she will shift and grow 55 more times. Many well meaning completely loving parents who love the false sense of safety having a "tom boy," provides them with-become completely unglued when their adventurous little Tom Boy continues to move in her own nature and suddenly, the Aphrodite in her is activated.
Those who pitch "there is no such thing as a female brain" won't be able to help those parents or the girl blossoming into a young woman. Being a Tomboy doesn't really go away as much as there is just a new activation happening. We are all "in development" in this way. It's just nature moving....
I am aware there is a force field of "unisex" and "No gender differences" and all of the other stuff. We need that for sure! And...that for me, would be best served as something to expand in rather than cut off all other things. (I've said this all before) In this way, I annoy many of my socially committed to change friends.
Anyway, the other day...One woman who is in the field of helping others connect in their partnerships posted a question to men.
How would you feel or what would you think?
There were some amazing answers from men who are in the field or who are in the communities already taking the mastery class's and are already deeply committed to expanding on their sexual mastery.
And then there was also, some who skipped right over the question and instead said how a woman should say it, what approach she should use. There were so many who didn't or couldn't just answer the question as it was laid out. One gentlemen stated that with the hundreds of men he works with, many are very open to learning...he said (and I do quote) "They just don't like it when women ask"
And I was like.........
And I don't think it's just men either. Because I have that thing. That thing where approach totally matters yet..when I lean in, the truth really is....a lot of the times, approach actually does not matter to me if the energy is right.
If I feel the energy is solid, good or life enhancing...the approach can be a little off and it can just make me laugh.
....and I do like unfiltered people who are honest within and therefore...honest in their expression too.... I trust that so much more than a pretty approach that has been tweaked on the outside but hasn't arrived on the inside...because truthfully, it's not really all that pretty....at some point in our existence we can feel the difference in energy rather than those who pour pink paint over what is really within, and in that space...approach is sort of meaningless. There are just some things you can't hide behind just because your vocabulary is extraordinary or because you've gone to Harvard or whatever the case may be...
In this way, that is what I love about Naomi R. Wolf
In 1991 Wolf gained international fame as a spokeswoman of third-wave feminism as a result of the success of her first book The Beauty Myth, which became an international bestseller and was named "one of the seventy most influential books of the twentieth century" by The New York Times. In the book, she argues that "beauty" as a normative value is entirely socially constructed, and that the patriarchy determines the content of that construction with the goal of reproducing its own hegemony.
Wolf posits the idea of an "iron-maiden," an intrinsically unattainable standard that is then used to punish women physically and psychologically for their failure to achieve and conform to it. Wolf criticized the fashion and beauty industries as exploitative of women, but added that the beauty myth extended into all areas of human functioning. Wolf writes that women should have "the choice to do whatever we want with our faces and bodies without being punished by an ideology that is using attitudes, economic pressure, and even legal judgments regarding women's appearance to undermine us psychologically and politically". Wolf argues that women were under assault by the "beauty myth" in five areas: work, religion, sex, violence, and hunger. Ultimately, Wolf argues for a relaxation of normative standards of beauty. In her introduction, Wolf positioned her argument against the concerns of second-wave feminists and offered the following analysis:
The more legal and material hindrances women have broken through, the more strictly and heavily and cruelly images of female beauty have come to weigh upon us... During the past decade, women breached the power structure; meanwhile, eating disorders rose exponentially and cosmetic surgery became the fastest-growing specialty... Pornography became the main media category, ahead of legitimate films and records combined, and thirty-three thousand American women told researchers that they would rather lose ten to fifteen pounds than achieve any other goal...More women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before; but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers.
Wolf's book was a bestseller, receiving polarized responses from the public and mainstream media, but winning praise from most feminists. Second-wave feminist Germaine Greer wrote that The Beauty Myth was "the most important feminist publication since The Female Eunuch, and Gloria Steinem wrote, "The Beauty Myth is a smart, angry, insightful book, and a clarion call to freedom. Every woman should read it." British novelist Fay Weldon called the book "essential reading for the New Woman". Betty Friedan wrote in Allure magazine that "'The Beauty Myth' and the controversy it is eliciting could be a hopeful sign of a new surge of feminist consciousness."
And it's something for men of all ages to consider. The history of women, the collective and really understanding...there is a collective and many have now been trained to go against...their own nature. It's this whole thing that can run very deep...it's like the blind leading the blind - and that is just not helpful. And the crappy "I'm sorry you're so wounded as a woman" is just ugliness masked as something else.
Anyway, my point with that is...
Sometimes, an approach isn't really the actual answer although it may be helpful....
This is where the willingness to listen to other possibilities becomes valuable to everyone. Everyone wins when the deeper commitment in connection when there is focus on returning to, or experiencing pleasure or the sweet spot and in order to do that...it would be good to know this:
Once one understands what scientists at the most advanced laboratories and clinics around the world are confirming — that the vagina and the brain are essentially one network, or “one whole system,” as they tend to put it, and that the vagina mediates female confidence, creativity, and sense of transcendence — the answers to many of these seeming mysteries fall into place.
Naomi R. Wolf
Third-wave feminism. Third-wave feminism encompasses several diverse strains offeminist activity and study. Though exact boundaries are a subject of debate, it is generally marked as beginning in the early 1990s and continuing to the present.
WAVE # 4......is in development now!