Here in Hawaii, everything is open and it is 1 am in the morning.
Different Levels and Layers...
I'm wondering if anyone saw what I saw as it relates to the last three speakers.
Sandy Hook 2012
Three humans sitting at the tail end of a circle.All of them in this unimaginable club. The kind of club no one ever wants to invite anyone else into. We don't want any more members in this club.
2018: Dear Sir- Please.
2012: Dear Sir-Do something
1999: Dear Sir- We've developed something that has the power to prevent 3 suicides a week and has prevented 7 school shootings. That's 156 human beings per year that decided to opt back in to being on the planet. Imagine what that number would be if that program was nation wide. That may not happen though because there are all kinds of innovative working models that no one uses or implements. It's all the things everyone says work. Connection is the cure. We have learned this over and over again.
What I also saw within those last three humans in that unimaginable club was three very different stages of grief all sitting together.
The sensation for Young Sam. When grief and trauma is brand new. When pain is alive pulsating, piercing all the way through. He stops to rub the sandy hook mom's back to comfort her. That was just....heartbreakingly beautiful.
2018: Dear Sir- Please.
The beautiful mother who lost her six year old five years ago.
2012: Dear Sir-Do something
Then Rachel's father. 19 years in. I just watched a video of him from years ago the other day. He's in a completely different stage. He articulates all that we know and all that everyone means when they say "It's not about Guns."
I absolutely get the mantra “it isn’t about guns,”
In the same way I get “It isn’t about divorce” In the same way I understand... it isn’t about a child’s hair and on and on this goes.
Recently, I went back and reviewed as much as I could about what happened at that school on April 20, 1999 because I don't actually remember the details. I was thinking how is that possible that I can barely remember this happening? It's wobbly recollection wise. So I began an inquiry into my own experience... and I got it.
1995 was a very intense year for me personally.
It's the year Donovan died (this month), OJ Simpson murdered two people (allegedly for those who need “allegedly”) That was also the same Year Susan Smith drowned her own boys. Unimaginable, Unimaginable and…Unimaginable. I also left my marriage that year. There was a lot of unimaginable that I began to intentionally tune things out because I couldn't handle it all in my own soul. I couldn't process it all. It was just way too much for me.
By 1999, I didn't own a T.V. and I was really happy about that. My son had one in his room and than somehow we ended up with two however, I only turned it on to watch Oprah when that was possible. Other than that, I never watched T.V. I missed almost an entire decade of shows and different influences. Almost the entire thing with Michael Jackson. I just wasn't "tuned in." and it wasn't because I didn't care, it was as simple as, I just couldn't. And when you can't...you can't. I couldn't, so I didn't.
And that's why I had very little context about April 20, 1999 and my lack of awareness sent me on an investigative journey. I read many articles and watched hours upon hours of videos, in between other things. I noticed all the similar human behaviors when trauma happens and some of the more raw footage of both then and now I watched over and over again. Same ages, same natural responses. There is a video from 1999 where high school kids are sitting on a sofa being interviewed just after this happened. Their shock, their state, their ability to articulate their own experience-exactly the same as those high school students traumatized last week. What I'm doing is I'm studying raw footage then and now. I'm paying very close attention to all the details. I'm having my own experience, getting intimately connected on various levels. I'm moving through the years with these people. I'm doing my thing. I'm going all the way in for a long period of time. I call this: Research and my intention in doing this has nothing to do with the need to be right and everything to do with my own nature and my desire to be intimately connected in all the places where I am being organically pulled.
The Mantra "It's Not about Guns"
Here is what I Know
Parents are divided. They are so deeply divided that some people think it's rare and weird when two women actually get along or even like one another as they put the child, the thing they do have in common-first. It's so pervasively upside down in some situations that -this is like witnessing a unicorn.
Drop offs. That moving between homes where children are crossing over the bridge to their other home. Emotional safety of the child is often not what leads. Stress and conflict leads. And little traces of trauma happen to them every other weekend. And sometimes that goes on for years. Not to mention all the stuff on the fence that no one is bothering to mend and heal because everyone is too busy feeling guilty to angry that a bridge is being built. This level of stress and conflict can be really intense and on the daily or there can be an ebb and flow and much of the time that is dependent on where someone is in their grief to many other things.
And that is just as true as all of the stepfamilies who intend to make it work, taking their time, understand it takes time to mend fences while building bridges.
So trust me when I say I get the mantras. All of them. It isn't about guns and it isn't about divorce either. But here's the thing. The mending of fences and building of bridges is not something that happens over night. It could take years and sometimes it does not happen for a family and that does not mean we shouldn't try, that we shouldn't care, or that we should stop or lie by telling it's not about that so don't look there.
So don't even try.
We are talking about millions of American families.
One of the mantras in stepfamily life is:
Not my kid. Not my problem.
Well isn't that ironic. That we have this disconnected systemic system lurking inside of the home and I'm going in. I'm going on to all the places no one wants to go and I do that consistently. And someone wants to come onto my page and declare and shout at me "It's NOT ABOUT GUNS!"
You are not incorrect, I am on your side, I agree with you and I want common sense gun laws since that would be base line common sense and since I'm aware there are all of these children living within the context of: You are not my child, therefore you are not my problem" and how that impacts everything.
You want it to be okay that a teenager can carry a gun but it's not okay in the aftermath when a teenager wants to take a stand for their own life and the lives of other children because when they do, all of a sudden...they are too young.
I get it. That's the exact logic I deal with on the daily. Often people care about other children's mental health mostly when it impacts their own child's existence. Usually when, "Not My Child, Not My Problem," turns into something bigger and more destructive.
Yes. I I promise you, I get all this.
Here's the Link to Rachel's Challenge. It's a link to something that works. Will anyone use this?
There is no such thing as, one answer for all families. There is no such thing as one thing working. Every community has their own natural rhythm.
You'r probably right and you are probably wrong. I am probably right and I am probably wrong. And none of that matters, what matters is a child's ability to go to school and learn safely without fear they may die or without them actually dying.
So let's get some common sense gun laws nationwide. AND...whatever else will work in each county, in each state, in each community.
And Anything and Everything Else that will keep our Youth Safe.
Do you know that there are approximately 45 thousand women in private groups on line trying to help themselves and each other with one topic only. Hormonal balancing. These are young women from the age of 15 to women my age and older. These are mothers who feel powerless in helping their own daughters through their daughters struggles because hormonally speaking, they have never had the experience their young daughters are having. How do you help your daughter with hormonal imbalances you did not experience yourself? And how do you help your daughter when she has been misdiagnosed 3 times and given medication that often exasperates the problems and sometimes induces suicidal thoughts.
Now, it's twenty-three years later for me as a woman who was almost misdiagnosed, a few times. This issue still exists and many women are just now getting the help they need and some of them, the mental health and gynecology field has not had the power to help them. Do you know what Doctors are now recommending? “Ayurveda” Something that has been around for over 5000 years.
Twenty three years later and this issue still exists. You know, you can't get help for something when the mantra is "Don't be negative" and "Put your Big Girl panties on, simmer down, just be kind" that really hasn't had the power to help anyone.
Social Media Intentions....Me Evolving me...
However, with a stranger who hasn't taken the time to connect with me in any real way...who is still living in the right/wrong -win/lose (and with anything related to government...conspiracy theories)
I have this moment where I become oddly curious. I wonder what is going on in their world that they feel entitled to lay aggression on a woman they don't even know, who isn't in their life...page. I think why do they think this is okay? I'm pretty straight forward and direct and sometimes I will ask a bullseye question that has the power to bring out the fullness of the aggression.
I'm the same exact way when a stranger sends me a picture of his private parts. I ask bullseye questions. That usually wakes them up or shakes them up. It depends on where they are, what state they are in and what their real intention is. It does not depend on me, it depends on them. The calmer and clearer I am, the more they feel something. People who are worried about looking a certain way socially, the very thought that anyone can see this exchange, sends them into a complete rage. The other day someone I don't ever see or hear from tells me to "do my research." Our connection was almost three years ago. I'm aware of his feelings about the government. I'm aware he has all of these conspiracy theories. I'm aware he looks for these things intentionally. I'm aware he's also a father of daughters and I'm also aware he subscribes to "He is King and he's looking for his Queen" and all of these things he is totally free to do, be and believe. Yet I'm also aware I haven't seen or spoken to him in three years and anything is possible, anything can change, any new developments can be developed. However in this "King" thing... his arrogance "Do your research" he's saying to a person who is actually....a researcher and spends about 30 hours a week on research alone for many reasons (Including my books) So he comes on wearing his arrogance crown and I hit him with a bullseye question. Right away, that I'm King comes flowing out "Don't disrespect me" and there it is...
I don't think people understand how deeply, how reverently I am listening to them when they tell me who they are. I haven't seen this man in 3 years and I remember everything he told me about who he was and what his beliefs are and how he experiences his own existence. That actually is me respecting another person. He's super fantastic in many areas of his existence so there is no real upset for me or concern. And, no, you may not come onto my page after three years of nothingness and tell me to do my research. I see everything you post to. I scroll where and when something doesn't feel like truth to me and then I open and enjoy the other things that I do actually appreciate and if I do, I will like or share them.
And all of this is good medicine for me to see me and to really create an internal stand on the line between giving and taking. What is okay for me and what isn't and why. In addition to that, what kind of person/woman/leader do I want to be? How much can I stand in my stand without being willing to be knocked down by aggression? The resistance. The never ending human trait of trying to push someone around vs allowing them to be who they are and where they are and seeing them as being a powerful influence for change. The base line human need to be known, seen and heard? The need to be liked socially vs doing the right thing from where you are and owning all of who you are?
Are you doing your research in all the places that will prove you right or are you doing your research with the intention of truth seeking from the place of non attachment? And for the purposes of yourself or for the purposes of truly helping other human beings move into a more harmonious life?
Are you up my ass because you are politically charged and loyal to your person, your vote or your beliefs? Are you trying to shut me up? Shut me down? Get me to stop? And if you are, why do you think you are entitled to that?
As an older gal who is past all that parental stuff and who works with families, parents are the worst in grasping the concept that they are not other adult people's authorities. In other words, you have no power here.
And we normalize this behavior. Now what if I was mentally ill? What if I was deep in depression and this level of aggression had the power to take me out? What if I was one of those mid life women living alone with a level of hormonal imbalance that makes a woman want to commit suicide? What if. What if. What if? What if I was like Robin Williams?
What if I'm just like that CEO in my town a few years back who had everything everyone wants and none of those things had the power to fulfill my void and after I committed suicide I left all these people utterly shocked as they just couldn't imagine why on earth i did that.
We completely normalize bullying even in adulthood and we also completely normalize and try to shame people into being kind in the same way people smack their children across the face as they shout "You ungrateful little bastard" rather than embodying and cultivating gratitude as a way of being from the inside out.
So trust me, I am keenly aware of and I completely understand the mantra "it's not about guns," and I'm also keenly aware that it actually is.
It is and it isn't and because it is and it isn't (which is common sense) I'm going to stay inside my stand. And those that are left blaming me for their lopsided relationship with respect me above yourself -will just have to be left in that spot as I continue to work with my mentors and my coaches that help me evolve. I need that and I don't feel any shame about my needs or my stand.
I have this amazing godson who is a hunter. He has rifles and he has arrows. He also has the maturity of a 50 year old, is both light hearted and very responsible. The world is safe with him owning guns. Aggression isn't something that is in his nature as a default. He talks, he shares, he communicates openly. I love, trust and feel deeply safe with him. He already has common sense. Even on my property where he was allowed to hunt, he made sure to ask the police officer who was given permission to hunt there before him if it was okay. He waited. He waited as long as it took and until all aspects of honor at all levels were handled. He took the meat and fed people with it. No one is trying to take anything away from gun owners like my godson. Common sense gun laws is already who he is. There is no legitimate reason for anyone to be against common sense in my own personal opinion.
What I'm working on is the balance between being in my stand and holding others whom my stand triggers. I do my best and I find it easier with people I know or people who I have a shared affinity with in other places. What I'm trying to expand on though is all the people who are virtual strangers to me and my lack of patience with the wildly hungry dog in them. I'm like what are you DOING?????
The State of my NO...
Always back to me and it seems so clear, more and more, every day...the more I pay attention to myself, my own states, my own truth, my own intelligence, my own nature... The less power other people have to disturb me. The less power people have to disturb me, the more power I have to help them.
That's just how it seems to work...with me being me