The Legacy of Children. As a Celebration of a Father’s Life.
Joseph Patrick Whinnery. 🙏🏼
Father to Ian, Erin, Evan, Joey and
our sons Joseph William Whinnery
And Donovan Hugh Whinnery.
Donovan’s name was not mentioned. It’s okay. I will mention him.
Family. Sacred Space.
Down the track I go...
They were usually all over him having a blast.
Ian was truly the best big brother, naturally.
He was incredibly kind and sweet to his “Little buddy”
Erin was a little mother. She and Ian often fought over who was in charge of what Joseph wanted :)
Evan had a little bit of a hard time sometimes because she was the baby at moms and Joseph was the baby at Dads and she had a hard time adjusting.
We did our best to understand the nature of what it must be like for her. Mostly her father was deeply in touch with that and would be sure to remind me as we tried to encourage her to see the benefits of being a big sister...she wasn’t always into it. Lol but she was still a very good and sweet little girl who often missed her mommy by the end of the weekend and couldn’t wait to see her.
They were all really great amazing kids actually who never got to met their brother Donovan.
It turned out that a nurse named Helen came in and told us all to snap out of it because this little guy could be around for several weeks.
In that moment, we all laughed. I'm talking LAUGHED....
His father was the one who stayed up all night long rocking his cradle back and forth and half the time the man was doing that while he was sleeping.
I’d often wake up to find his dad sitting up against the wall with his eyes closed rocking Joseph’s cradle.
We did all the things to prepare Joseph to be a big brother because he would be with Donovan every day.
Our divorce happened just six months after Donovan died.
Joe’s grief was extremely different than mine. We were complete opposites in our grief.
There was one thing Joe and I shared as it relates to our parental grief and our trauma...
We both seemed to carry this ungodly fear that something dreadful would happen to our sweet Joseph.
It just showed up in different ways within each of us.
But that special bond between father and son was there before any of this happened.
12 years of family life and children's memories went down before her entry point.
FAMILY. My Dad. His Dad. The kids
Shared custody for over a decade.
Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss. And more Loss.
Love. Love. Love. Love. And more love.
All of it.
All before her arrival. That's the full story and always the truth when children are involved and she's pretty good about honoring those types of things because she also had her own story and her own son that she brought with her. Equal ground here. Nothing wrong...just the truth that comes with our children.
that include her. Everyone is included when you are dealing the the emotional well being in a holistic way as it relates to children.
“Out beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field.
I will meet you there 🙏🏼
That’s where my adult son and I meet very often and if we get off center we bring it back as quick as we can.
I thought I’ve already told him every single story but as it turns out. There are all of these Beautful joyful and seriously funny moments he is hearing for the first time. That’s all I have for him now. The amazing good stuff.
Family. Sacred space.
Reverence to everyone holding my son and all family members at this time.
It doesn’t matter that no one is doing that “for me”
But do people understand the expanded impact of a daughters heart or a mothers heart?
The way you are holding him and them. Helps and heals them therefore you are also helping and and healing me.
That man’s daughter.
That man’s mother.
Which brings me to...
Thank you so very much to those who have said the following words:
“My heart goes out to you and your son”
I needed one human being on the planet to say those exact words to me
I didn’t know I needed it until someone said it.
Because it acknowledges and honors our story as a family so fully.
I felt a softness wash over my heart.
Family. Sacred space.
It doesn’t matter who or how it came in.
That teeny tiny acknowledgement -acknowledges all that is written above.
― Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run