The first one (Months ago) I don't know if he was genuinely insulted when I shared my truth or if he was just upset that he didn't get to use his typical charisma on me. I sensed my way of being was foreign to him. My response was "Maybe...I guess that is one way to view it, if you must...but here's another way to consider it..........."
I can totally see how that conclusion would be a legitimate one to have. Except it felt a little insincere coming from this fella and more about not being able to do his normal "with women," dance with me. I don't know that for sure...It just felt that way and I tend to lean toward trusting my instincts. This was just a conversation. I like to be honest about where I am and who I am at this time so there is no confusion particularly with men who I experience as very sweet and sensitive. I'm not trying to hurt anyone after all.
While I do know I'm not responsible for the other person's feelings, I do feel like it is my responsibility to lean in and be kind to those who I sense won't really be able to handle it emotionally. That would not make me feel good and... I love my personal life being drama free. This requires mindfulness.
The poor little Guinea Pig.....
Biological experimentation on guinea pigs has been carried out since the 17th century. The animals were frequently used as model organisms in the 19th and 20th centuries, resulting in the epithet "guinea pig" for a test subject, but have since been largely replaced by other rodents such as mice and rats. They are still used in research, primarily as models for human medical conditions such as juvenile diabetes, tuberculosis, scurvy, and pregnancy complications.
"Oh well, I don't care. I will be anything you want me to be to experience that feeling again."
While the connection with the first fella never made it past this conversation, the second connection where the "Guinea Pig" came out.... began and was experienced very differently.
And that's the thing...Every connection is uniquely different.
This one...is such a surprise..
Let me start with...it seems to be all about The Chemistry Between Us
In The Chemistry Between Us, neuroscientist Larry Young and journalist Brian Alexander examine the neurobiological roots of love
THERE is a reason most of us sigh into our drinks when Cole Porter croons, “What is this thing called love?” We understand his befuddlement all too well. (And let’s face it: if a man about town like Porter couldn’t figure out this whole love thing, what hope is there for the rest of us mere mortals?)
That’s why it is encouraging to know that in the past two decades social neuroscientists have been diligently working to unravel the mysteries of love – including the phenomena of attraction, monogamy and the parent-child bond – using techniques such as brain imaging, genome-wide association studies and transgenic animal models. In The Chemistry Between Us, Larry Young, the director of Emory University’s Center for Translational Social Neuroscience, and journalist Brian Alexander offer a novel take on many of those findings.
A few recent books, including my own, Dirty Minds, have chronicled love and sex-related efforts in neuroscience. One of the criticisms of many of these tomes is that they fail to take on the functional “why” questions – why monogamy exists at all, for example, or why some people are more prone to infidelity. In The Chemistry Between Us, Young and Alexander do not shy away from proposing some strong hypotheses about the ways our neurobiology shapes our behavior when it comes to the “L” word.
Two mature consenting adults who are fully self expressed. There is a natural flow in communication with no filter, no playing it cool, no rule book combined with a sense of humor that just keeps moving and a desire to explore it further. Laughter, lot's and lot's of laughter....
That's pretty much it -yet, it's really exciting for me to experience "that's it," when the chemistry is in it's highest most pure state. I would imagine, this is the type of chemistry that can very often mislead a person to think "this is it, this is the one for me."
I'm talking about the type of chemistry here that leads people to the chapel in vegas after one night (and then after a week or so...they decide to get their marriage annulled.)
To be in something at that level of chemistry and to be able to take all the sensation that comes with that "high," and allow it to move in more healthy ways instead of allowing it to cause me to become nonsensical and delusional...this is what I'm cultivating here. The capacity to move the way love moves without allowing the oxytocin to confuse me in any way, shape or form. Where a gal can make better decisions for herself...ultimately.
Know Thy Self...and then share thy self...
If I did not have the capacity to be in this without becoming delusional I would make the choice to not be in it because these things can become pretty heady for a gal. At the same time, if I'm going to be in it...I'm looking for free flow where there isn't any unnecessary extra stuff in the space between us. This includes the block of concern and worry many men carry..where they think real hard about what they are going to say or how they are going to say it because they are worried a woman is going to become unglued and start planning...this is mindfulness for the woman who would do that, but this lacks mindfulness in connection with me because I won't do that...
As I mentioned, all connections are uniquely different....
One could conclude these men are indeed being treated like "Guinea Pigs," I wanted to take some time to think about this one because it doesn't sound very kind...and I believe...tender is the heart...regardless of age or what men (or what I) "should know," by this age...tender is the heart...
In the end, I trust my warmth, my kindness and myself, so I'm good.