What this means is: I go about my daily business, minding my own business. If a person can get through to me at church, while I'm flower hunting, as I have my head phones on...if they can do that in a way that's clever, funny, sexy or intelligent vs feeling like it's a disruption...And if they want to take me out for a meal. That is really the only pathway that leads to me dating. I don't look for it, ask for it or expect it. But when it does happen, I really appreciate it, value it and have reverence for the moment as the moment is happening. I have no agenda what-so-ever. I don't even know what any connection is supposed to be about until I can feel it.
I just had this happen at church on Sunday. A really cool light hearted gentlemen. He's got great energy, and is really just doing his thing...
It was rather refreshing to be invited to a meal with a man who grew up in a home culture full of doctors who didn't have an ounce of fear, blocks, or worries that I was going to do anything to him, or that he was in any immediate danger when I spoke about what Orgasmic Meditation is.
More accurately, learning his father was an OBGYN and dinner time conversations as a child was all about all of that and more...there was an instant higher intelligence & maturity, zero weirdness, combined with the ability to not only conceptualize the healing power of things like Orgasmic Meditation but he also said it and got it before I could give it to him...
"because that's where thousands of nerve endings are!"
We were able to easily move on....to other topics and conversations in the most natural flow. He wasn't the least bit put off, he wasn't at all uncomfortable, he didn't confuse the conversation or me with trying to get him to join the Orgasmic Mediation Community or get him to do anything to me. It was just straight up pure understanding that led to the next conversation which was regarding investments, onto the next topic of the work I do and we just kept flowing.
And that is a part of my desire. It is my desire to be able to have a conversation with another human being about Orgasmic Meditation without any of the blocks, judgments, projections, fears, discomfort or weirdness. Easy to do with people in the OM Community, not so easy outside of the OM community. This man is existing outside of the OM community. Gosh, he was so very refreshing.
I absolutely understand what this practice brings up for people, that's sort of what the practice helps people with.
My journey in being able to hold space for this practice does include me being responsible for respecting others who are challenged, charged or completely triggered by the concept itself, let alone my involvement in the practice.
That part has been it's own journey inside of the journey.
I've lost a few business affiliates, in addition to some friendships that were very near and dear to my heart. That can sometimes feel intense for me because when I love a woman (sisterhood,) I am not faint at heart or a fair weathered friend.
I would stand beside her at church on her wedding day or I would also drive her to an abortion clinic and take care of her after...if that's what she needed me to do.
I would hold a space for her If she was a virgin waiting for her sacred husband or if she was deep within her desire to live a poly life.
I would honor her desire to be a housewife in the same way I would honor her desire to climb up the corporate ladder.
I would hold a wife's sharing as sacred as I would hold a friend who was in the thick of an extramarital affair's sharing as sacred. As I believe there is value in all of life's experiences and every single choice and decision a woman makes for her own life comes with it's own lessons, pain, growth and beauty.
I know this about myself and I am keenly aware that isn't always the way women opt to love each other. It's too risky to love anyone in that way. That too comes with it's own lessons, pain, growth and beauty but when I put my head on my pillow, it is me who has to deal with myself. No one else. Therefore, I need to stay true to my own nature. Sometimes, that means loss.
I heard things like:
"I work with families and children, I can not be associated with you."
That one was like a knife deep within my maternal soul.
Fortunately, we cleared this up. It wasn't me or the practice she was fearful of, she was fearful of the corporations she worked with and their rules, guidelines etc..which was still really hard for me to reconcile. It took time for me to feel free.
I also heard things like:
"I don't ever want you to talk about "that"to any one I am associated with." Yet, by the time this happened, I was already clear within myself. I would never tell any woman what she can or can not talk about to any other woman. I do not feel that is at all appropriate. And this was not the first woman to create this sense that our relationship was going to be one where she was going to be micromanaging my voice. Now we have moved past the zone of me holding space for others and we headed into the zone of a severe violation of mine. See there is this space where it's no longer about her or me or any organization.
I believe women have the right to know this practice exists. I believe they are free to opt out. I believe they can do that without creating drama or chaos or trying to stomp out any woman's voice. I believe if discomfort arrises within, that's a powerful thing for a woman to look at within herself for her own growth and clarity.
I believe that so strongly that there is no getting me to agree to terms where I have to violate that level of consciousness.
Orgasmic Meditation is NOT sex.
I just happened to fall deeply into someone who is deeply involved in the Orgasmic Meditation Community. Which is no different than the dating process. People my age meet people, connect and sometimes those people end up having sex. Sex is a part of the human experience, I see no need to hide or invalidate it or pretend I don't like it, or I don't want to be held, touched, felt. Why would I ever feel shame around that? And I absolutely do NOT agree with the theory that enlightenment or higher states of consciousness means you no longer desire sex. I think that is a lie. I think enlightenment is subjective and many guru's who were sexual got a lot of slack for their sexuality due to people "following" them as "Guru's" and in that context, you're heading into a very tricky area of transference. I think you can reach for or be enlightened and sexual at the same time and the enlightenment comes in the form of not suffering or making anyone else suffer when you don't get what you want. Or when you aren't willing to break agreements with your lover(s) at any cost to the integrity of the connection. But even then, humans are exactly that-they are human, flawed, capable of making mistakes so they can grow themselves.
As for me:
I am the only human on the planet who knows what I know about my own sexuality.
I know what happens to me, my psyche, my body, my life force, my vibrancy and more......when my most natural desires are suppressed, thwarted, neglected or denied.
I know what it feels like to have someone use sex as a weapon or sees sex as something they are entitled to because-they see sex as something they deserve vs something they want to share in or co-create with another human being.
I know exactly what my fluctuating weight gains and losses stems from and how hard it is for me to move back into my own natural desires, how hard it is to take the weight off when I am still living in a space where my sexuality, my natural desires are being invalidated or neglected.
I know the difference between empty vs full.
I know the difference between being touched because false desire stems from porn, loneliness, grasping for something other than connection with me vs when my body is touched by a person who is already full within themselves and wants to share their fullness with me.
I know when I am being used. And I know when I am being well loved, fed, and well nourished.
I know that Orgasmic Meditation is not sex, it just heals everything around a person's sex and so much more. The depth of empathy within this practice, is beyond what anyone who has never experienced this practice could ever imagine.
If this is true for me, this has got to be true for other women.
My life and evolution isn't for everyone. It isn't supposed to be, it's supposed to be mine. I allow in what feels good, what feels like it is adding to the quality of my life. If something doesn't feel good to me, I don't desire it. Life has become deeper, more rich...yet life has become more simple too.
In the OM practice/community, I have the same consciousness I have in any community. I don't care what anyone else does or is doing....How a person decides to live their life or bring life to their sex is up to them. I can only do me.
Right now, being me is a full time job. My desires are shifting, growing, expanding and I'm just trying to grow with them. That's all I know.
I just want to move the way love moves and remove the blocks that block me from doing that.
Stay tuned...things are about to get a little weirder or a little more juicy...it depends..