"This does not belong to me, I give this back to you."
In these moments I will say out loud "this does not belong to me-I give this back to you." When I do that, if the negativity disappears-I experience the sensation of peace move through me and I move about my day.
Mostly, I spend a lot of my time cleaning my own grid. If there is dirt in my own grid -I will do my own work to clean it. Sometimes that means communicating with a particular person-sometimes it's as simple as journaling and at other times it's as easy as "this doesn't matter." I don't know how else to explain it. Other than to say if something is incomplete for me-I will do everything I can to complete it when I am aware there is something left inside of me. Or another way to say that would be if the negatively lives inside of me. I can feel the difference and in those moments I will say "this belongs to me." Sometimes it's more like "Oh crap-THIS BELONGS TO ME. Darn it!!!!" I can feel it crawling through my own skin. That's when I know-it's mine. The difference is inward yucky sensations vs feeling like someone just tossed some mud in my direction. If I'm off my center it may take "something," for me to be able to make this distinction.
I don't know if that makes any sense.
A fascinating phenomenon often happens when I give those thoughts back..at some point there is a reaching out or a reconnection that offers the other person the space to be able to share their truth with me and through that process-the growth they got for themselves or an opportunity for us to get clean together. It's almost like, by not taking it on as mine-it allows movement and transformation of some sort and nothing is required of me other than to just give those things back. People will circle back or they won't. All I can do....is me.
My personal "how to" is TM, OM, walking, hula, flower hunting, bliss, joy, laughter and connecting with the people that I love and trust. In addition to my commitment to stay in alignment with moving the way love moves (which isn't always so easy for me to do).... sometimes things melt away and sometimes that happens in reverent time....It does seem like, when it happens in reverent time..there was something inside of that time period for me to learn, get or see. It's like a fun little discovery process....to see myself...and learn or get what to do about whatever is there....
If it doesn't go away through, TM, OM, walking, hula, flower hunting, bliss, joy, laughter and connecting with the people that I love and trust..it becomes a process. I think that is perfectly human and perfectly reasonable.
Although I am a huge fan and advocate of things like the law of attraction, many people just need a bridge and a deeper understanding before they are able to apply things like the law of attraction and have it be something that works for them. Often, the process does actually involved looking at or reconciling something they've been carrying on a cellular level. I think it's great and amazing when people can learn about things like The Law of Attraction and vibration and all of that...and begin to have their life work beyond their wildest dreams by staying inside their own joyful positive vibration AND many people just need a bridge....Here's another excerpt from my current book (AKA work in progress)
Mending Fences while Building Bridges... A life long journey...
Anxiety theme: Mothers little mirror: The bridge to be more effective with: The Law of Attraction
One mother was raped when she was 12 on the way home from school and she's never told anyone and never dealt with it. It remained a secret she lived with on a soul and a cellular level and then… you know, life just kept moving. However, this is something she brought with her into her marriage in the form of being full of anxiety most of the time. That fear/anxiety was brought into her parenting too. She was worried and stressed all the time and she would tell everyone “this is just the way I am.” Yet, she wasn’t actually born that way. She did not come into the world full of anxiety and fear.
What this meant was: her physiology was continuously pumping out things like extra doses of cortisol. The flight or fight hormone. One of the things cortisol does is narrows the arteries while the epinephrine increases heart rate, this makes the blood pump harder and faster. This is how this hormone is designed to protect us when we are healthy, yet becomes the hormone that damages our heart if we aren’t careful.
For this mother, the world was and has been unsafe to her -since she was 12. Now she's about 30, is divorced, has children and her anxiety is at an all time high.
She has tried everything she could think of. This included the law of attraction, the power of manifestation and all of that good stuff. However, she was unable to hold onto those concepts because her physiology developed a conditional patterned response-rhythm in which it was now accustomed to. In other words, feeling safe, calm and clear didn't feel normal to her. Being in an anxiety filled stress state was more comfortable for her.
In our work together, it wasn’t about dad, kids, stepmom, values, beliefs or parenting styles or anything step family related because first things first: Her physiological patterns. Her way of being in the world where she doesn’t feel her normal self unless she is stressed, worried and/or causing everyone around her to be stressed and worried too.
We work from the inside out. Not the outside in. Because working from the inside out offers her the most power in creating a more harmonious family life (in reverent time.) The internal changes and new physiological states that she allows and gives herself time to become accustomed to is where her greatest gifts will be actualized in.
By the way, she's only called me because she noticed the anxiety inside of her daughter. Just as people look for love in all the wrong places, she too was looking for answers to her daughter’s anxiety in all the wrong places.
The mirror reflected back was the catalyst that initiated her desire to reach out. Her willingness to “see” the reflection of herself in her daughter was not an easy thing for her to see, however, like most mothers- her motherly love allowed her to see herself through her daughters inherited anxiety states.
Once she had her power back through her own decision to heal her own physiology-our work together was complete. Then she was free to use things like the Laws of Attraction and have steady stream/flow within her own vibration (which is law of attraction lingo) and by doing so, she was able to help her daughter by healing herself.
I love the law of attraction and all of those principles. At the same time…I am aware through my work with women, sometimes they just need a bridge where they can move up the tone scale before they become more powerful in their ability to hold their vibration for longer periods of time. This is why I believe so strongly in mending fences while building bridges. It goes beyond the intact family divorce process to building a stepfamily…
Those who follow the work of Abraham have heard Ester Hicks speak (through Abraham) on how they only teach one thing yet people keep coming back over and over again anyway. The law of attraction is a simple law. Yet, it requires a deeper understanding and willingness to deal with our own vibration first and that’s where working with our own physiology comes in. We can restore our physiology by becoming committed to our daily rituals. The things that help keep us internally clean. One of the important keys: we have to like the sensation of being clean in order to do the rituals. In order to be attracted to feeling good, we need to like the sensation of feeling good. In order to like the sensation of feeling good, we need to give ourselves permission to care about ourselves, deeply. In order to give ourselves permission to care about ourselves deeply, we need to find creative ways to eradicate the layers of guilt and shame many of us carry in order to create an internal environment that allows us to move to our next level. This can happen in a moment, yet it often happens in reverent time and it also often happens inside of the contrast. The contrast is the place where life is not going so well however, the contrast is also a natural part of the law of attraction because it let’s you know, you want something more, better or different. It’s a part of the creation process and a part of the desire process. It is not wise or good for our physiology to beat ourselves up when we are living in the contrast. It is better for our system to use the contrast as an opportunity to go to our next level.
Consider the bridge the place where acceptance lives. it's what's so and where reality lives which offers us the opportunity to keep crafting, molding and tweaking until we can get to what our true desire is.
This mother, like many mothers also couldn’t accept what she viewed as her daughter’s father’s issues or character defects.
So we also worked with her acceptance there too, in the form of “You had children with the man you had children with.” And “Your daughter has the father that she has.”
I don’t tell mothers to accept their children have the father that they have because I’m advocating a mother just turn a blind eye from things that could harm their children. I don’t say “You had children with the man you had children with.” To be mean spirited. I say those things because a mother’s acceptance and ownership frees her and helps her deal with what is in front of her in more effective ways with the least amount of damage, to her own physiology and the least amount of long term damage to her children’s psyche.
Just a little share from the book....moving on now....
IN other News..Communication Central....
Play & Communication...
By the time I turned to look at my pone, I could see all of this.
If that was my son or my mother or someone from my tribe, it would prompt concern and caring. Yet this prompted something inside of something more along the lines of his needing instant gratification, needing an instant response. I felt the instinctive "I do not like this."
At the same time, this can be one of the consequences of connecting/playing with someone through an organic process. In my opinion...that agreed consensual play requires no less in terms of being a responsible communicator-for both humans consideration....on many many levels. Even when you do that-there is a human on the other side who may be experiencing something different than what is agreed upon.
In an unconscious careless state of connection, this is where humans in the dating or play world can bring more consciousness into connection instead of labelling the other person and just moving on with no regard for the human spirit. I don't like that either.
I am responsible in the sense that I said yes to playful connection vs I am responsible for his needing an instant response. Because that is something I am not responsible for.
If something doesn't feel good to me-I say it, without hesitation.
Through being real with him-he got a little defensive at first but then...he opened up and I found out a little more about him and his reality. He really is a good person and I do like playing with him. It is far too early at this juncture to know if my way of being in the world would be a pleasurable experience for him or a problem for him.
In a follow up conversation after this: I did have to say very directly, "I am single, I do what I want, when I want, with who I want, just like you men do and I make no apologies for that." His response was that he understands.
Any other response than that - would be a stop for me.
I will take the time to communicate very clearly where I am at this point in my life, how I am moving the way love moves, how I lean into my desires and it is only through my desires that anything ever happens. As I feel that is being responsible and conscious.
I don't do anything I don't want to do, I don't say or make promises I don't intend to keep and I don't "not say," what is true for me in every moment because I don't think it's kind to pretend to be kind. I don't pretend to feel something I don't feel, I don't pretend to be non sexual to ease the mind of any guy who may be carrying a double standard in his pocket.
I'm only easy for the type of men who truly respects women and respects and respects a woman's freedom.... to move in a way that makes her feel her own joy, bliss, love, and happiness. In other words, if my happiness and freedom makes a man feel anything other than happy for me.... it will not go very well.
So there is that going on and being mindful and taking responsibility in my mind does mean....speaking my truth at all times.
As we know...I know...I repeat myself...yet this is my on-line journal after all...
Working on: Core Strength...
I got a massage the other day and it was so amazing. I woke up the next morning with deep clarity/confirmation...the most important thing for me on the physical front right now is-core strength.
I'm sitting at my desk right now having to repeatedly sit up straight for posture. Same thing happened in class this week when my hula teacher had to correct my body mechanics "Stand up straight," which I'm a very good listener (when I trust someone to teach me) Once I stood up straight...I was no longer bending my knees. So now in hula, I'm working on my posture there too.
Yet my happiest most fun new little experiment is: The Caster Oil Pack! I've got so many mini experiments going on right now, I had the thought "I need to get an electric heating pad!" and don't you know as I was walking down the street there was a yard sale with two women who had all of these things they purchased yet never used.
I was so happy about this find. So convenient and just a few dollars too. It was a good find!
The warning is: Castor oil isn't for everyone. However, it is for me. I have this pure oil from India that's really good. (for me)
You're supposed to take all of these steps, which you can google. Yet, I just take all of my clothes off, rub the oil directly on my skin (only because I know I am not allergic) put a hand towel over top of that spot and put the heating pad over the towel, and then just put my blankets over me to keep the pad in place. Easy as can be. No mess, no fuss...perhaps its because I use oil daily on my skin anyway. I don't know but there is no mess. Between the oil and the heat...my skin opens up and absorbs the oil very well.
Sometimes, lower back pain is also an indication of blockages in our colon. I won't get into too much detail about that one, but it's true... Therefore, I like to think of strengthening my core as a three part system.
For me, swimming is my ultimate pleasure for these things. Daily swimming is an easy thing for me to do based on my location...so that works well for me and I like it much better than I like Power Yoga. But I'm giving Power Yoga 10 tries anyway. Between that, swimming, hula castor oil packs and being mindful of my posture...I see good things on my horizon as far as core strength is concerned! I also can't wait to try the Castor oil pack for hormone balancing...
These are the things that really excite me..cause when I feel good...I am able to share that.....in many ways.