I like strong women...but there are things women do to each other that has nothing to do with being a strong woman and everything to do with Symbolic Aggression.
The distinction between a strong woman and a woman who is Symbolically Aggressive with other women, for me personally....is this:
With a strong woman, all you have to do is give her a dose of her own strength and respect rises in her and between the two of you moment by moment. She may not like or be thrilled with you in these moments but she will respect you, regardless.
Yet, with a woman who is not actually strong but rather Symbolically Aggressive....the less you're willing to be intimidated, threatened or controlled...the worse her behavior gets, the more manipulative she gets. If you share a vulnerability, forget it...doing so becomes an opportunity to be more aggressive. Your kindness is absolutely a weakness.
I've learned (the hard way) to love these women from afar and to focus on the places inside of me where my own symbolic aggression exists.
Here in Hawaii, there are two ways to use the word "My"
One is Ka'u, the other is Ko'u
One means "a part of me"
The other means "I would still be me without it"
Friendship here in Hawaii exists under "Ko'u" which means "A part of me"
This is at the heart of it for me, as my sisterhoods/friendships and the women that I love...mean a lot to me. (as I've shared repeatedly)
The chart above gives me something other than "overly masculine" to work with. Because, what I really struggle with is: Symbolic Aggression. And it seems to me the first place to check is -inside of myself.
What is "Symbolic Aggression?"
A symbolic act is a verbal or physical gesture that represents or means something of larger significance than the gesture itself.
Symbolic aggression includes verbal or physical gestures aimed at terrorising, threatening, intimidating, dominating, making someone afraid or controlling them.
The answer for me was to remain dedicated to my TM practice, My OM practice and HULA!
TM & HULA
I get to be a girl, wear a pink dress, put a flower in my hair and move in a soft and sensual way, feel the beauty of the stories moving through me deeply. I feel beautiful, free and as if I am floating. There is no one there trying to get me to believe beauty fades...I don't like that lie repeatedly told. Beauty does not fade...it reveals itself. It only fades to those who aren't able to see clearly.
My meditator friend, does a completely different mediation where he spends 21 days meditating for 10 hours every day-he spoke about how deeply Hula moves him and his absolute favorite thing to see is the little ones dancing with the beautiful older women. By older- I'm talking 60-70 and 80 years old.
There is no weird and twisty rule where "you had your time, your time is over now." What a sad insidious lie for women to believe. To have a life time of experience, to be at a level of wisdom beyond and to be told "Sit now, it's no longer your turn," Eek, the lies we believe.....Here and in Hula... A woman is allowed to breath life into her sensuality all the way...all the way until the very end of her existence.
That is...beauty revealing itself and that aligns with truth at the level it exists. At least to me and once you know that...it becomes impossible to not know that.
Its a sad state of affairs...our cultures need to invalidate beauty in all of its many forms.
I'm not sure what people are seeing or saying when they say things like "a pretty face fades." I have not found that to be true. Not at all actually. I mean...maybe the intent is to have people look deeper -but ultimately what that says to every woman is-at some point-your time is up and it's time to give it up and some women do.
Here - every time I watch an incredibly beautiful-now grandmother -smile from within her own heart as she moves and shares a story being told. All I see and feel is her beautiful face and body in motion. And it's nice to hear, my friend, a male person who has the capacity to see the truth as well. That's sort of what it means to be "mindful." These men are out there. In fact, they are everywhere and I'm grateful to call many of them...my friend. I don't speak it often but they too enrich my life.
What a breath of fresh air...
I now have a new OM partner. A kind hearted man whom, when I shared what I was looking for and sent him the "how to" video -he was not only game, he continued his research on his own and watched video after video, several times.
Already having experience in his presence, a series of conversations with him, I could sense the quality of his nature prior to any of this.
Now, mind you-when I am in this final week of my cycle-I do not have the same level of patience -and that sometimes shows up as having negative zero interest to be anyone's teacher.
Due to my loving/giving nature, my work-which is all about "giving," I appear that way, but I am not that way. Not at all and not at this time.
In my personal life: I'm just having a love affair with myself, my friends, my life, hawaii and hula. Come in to give and through the giving you will receive but not the other way around...
He handled my being true to myself with grace and a desire to be in my world, on my terms.
I was also very clear
My connection and relationship to my OM practice is not sex. I'm not in it to "get some" and I'm most definitely not trying to turn anyone on either.
That isn't what this is for me.
I show up, feel into my body and focus on the point of contact. That's really all I do. I keep feeling into my body and the point of contact in a similar fashion as I find myself closing my eyes in TM as -I say my mantra until I can feel my whole being going deeper into the ground while I am in a state of bliss.
As I experience my TM practice-I don't know where I go or how long I have been there sometimes. 20 minutes feels like 3 minutes yet I feel as if I have rested for 5 hours. It's amazing in this way-there is nothingness and there is everything all at once. "I love you," is to no one in particular and to everyone all at once.
Whereas, in my OM practice, there is an added element of reverence for another human being- who is in the practice with me-in real time through a physical point of contact. 15 minutes feels like 3 minutes yet I feel as if I have been flooded with a level of empathy with this person where my "I love you," is to my Om partner and to no one in particular. Translated though as: "I feel safe, I feel close, thank you for being in this with me."
In both practices....I'm not expecting anything or doing anything or trying to create anything. I'm just in the practice, gently and softly flowing back to...the point of contact...or the mantra
I think it's important to be mindful, clear and conscientious at this level so there is no confusion once the oxytocin levels rise.
As it turned out, I didn't have to teach anything. He did his homework very well and he was not only focused on the point of contact, he was riveted, "in the zone" and I was completely safe and free to just be in it with him.
After sharing our frames (Moments of sensation) and his desire to share more...
...he also shared what he witnessed happening, the changes that were taking place the entire time.
I'm not the most vocal OM partner to have and that is no indication of anything either way.
He didn't need to "hear" anything because he felt and saw everything. There is no questions, doubts or concerns when you have access to this type of experience. You can feel the truth, you can see the truth...
He got it. He really got it.
And my PMS......what PMS???? Ding Ding Ding!!!
I love this video with Nicole sharing The Science of Union in OM...
"of larger significance than the gesture itself."
I think the cure exists inwardly....in our daily practices and the rituals we create for ourselves.
The more I practice my practices and honor my rituals...
The better my life is.
That's really all I can do...is me.. if you know what I mean