16 Lessons of Love and Loss and I can't wait to get all of my Women in Stepfamilies book series complete so I can move back into the tenderness within my own heart to be deeply connected to that work in progress.
Originally intended as one mothers love and loss (mine) and the 16 lessons I learned at the tender hearted age of twenty five when we buried Donovan. However, through divine intervention, the process I like to call reverent time and many other chaotic collisions all swirling together in both intensity and peacefulness -the book (like many other things in my world) has decided to expand in ways and directions I couldn't have possibly understood if I wasn't paying attention and allowing an evolutionary process to take place inside of me and the world around me.
So when I witnessed the beauty of these children playing in the pile of leaves, I was not going to leak my pain on their mother. I was just going to witness the beauty.
LESSON 1 being cultivated the entire time
In the blink of an eye. Just a whisper of smoke....and it is gone.
"I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets."
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know
Love leading is not always pink paint poured over a wound. In fact, most of the time that pouring of the pink paint, just creates a deeper wider hole for the wound. At least for a person like me who had to move through her I'm good, Oops I'm leaking. Love thwarted has helped me through all the places I needed to move to in my own personal journey and there have always been things, no matter how loving, good or powerful my tribe is, that I needed to do on my own. Some people grow through community, some grow through internal self discovery and I have needed both in my journey of me being me.
Today, someone said to me:
"It takes someone who can hold their own space to be in a lane next to you."
Yes. When I follow the track of the last two years, I see this in action. I see it in many moments all along.
Many moons ago and shortly after Donovan died: a very good therapist told me "You will find that as you grow you will begin to experience time periods in your life where in order to keep growing you will need to go it alone. It can be very lonely at times but if you stay on your path-through that stage-it will be more than worth it. Many people stop because they can't tolerate the loneliness that comes with growing."
I felt her words as truth and I felt her words as a painful truth. For me personally. She was talking to me after listening to my tender heart, how my loss was impacting me and the world around me, my experiences, my voice, everything that existed in my life at that time and how deep my desire was to heal and grow and be a better human than I was at that time and just how much love meant to me and just how important being my son's mother was. She was able to hear me, my truth and hold me reverently. She knew what I needed to hear in the same way my father knew what I needed to hear when the Doctors were trying to tell us that Donovan would die, no matter what. He was the voice I needed because in that room with all of those doctors using very big words for a mother whose heart was vibrating in extreme tenderness, as I suddenly developed the disorder of: selective hearing and only heard words like "Options" and "We could do this" and "these are your choices" -I heard options, we can and choices and my tender heart decided to select hearing just those words. My Dad knew what was happening to me and he gave me the fullness of the truth very directly which was the exact truth I needed to hear in that exact moment so that I may love Donovan deeply, in every moment that he was going to be alive.
Yes, I am going to love you like I am going to lose you because I am going to lose you. I have no control, I have no power and the only thing I can offer you is all the love I have in every second while you are here so that's what I'm going to do and that's what I did.
These "truths" that I needed to hear in those exact moments-doesn't mean that is or was or has to be everyone's truth. The truth people need to hear only lands if that is what they need to hear at that very moment.
You never know what that will be for anyone because we do not live inside of their bodies. We only live inside of our own. All we can do is be ourselves and lean into the space in between us and those we love to see what is there and work from that space.
“Truth is not something outside to be discovered, it is something inside to be realized.”
― Osho, The Buddha Said...: Meeting the Challenge of Life's Difficulties
“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.”
― Osho, Everyday Osho: 365 Daily Meditations for the Here and Now
The lessons of Love and Loss...contract and expand....repeat...Life..
It takes someone who can hold their own space to be in a lane next to you."