I was pretty excited about that and I was a 100% YES to "re-commitment" toward TM. Without a moment of hesitation. There was nothing to think about. TM makes life better. Period, end of story. It would not have crossed my mind if I didn't post it on facebook two years ago. This is what I LOVE about "Facebook Memories." In my determination to embrace, love and have all of my memories belong to me so fully...the beauty of that is, I own me and my memories. No one will ever be able to tell me what my life is about or how I experienced my own life. Only I can do that. Truly.
Randomly, he reached out to me to request I help someone he was coaching in Landmark education. I responded right away, said yes, had one conversation with his coachee- and she disappeared. A few weeks went by... On one of my walks-the incompleteness of something I agreed to came bubbling back up in my consciousness. That's really how my brain works sometimes. A person has to have my consent for me to agree. Once I agree, I will do what I can. When people fall off the radar...I will notice that...eventually. Not always right away because I can only really be accountable for where I drop off or show up. And I don't know this woman. All I knew was that she was a participant in Landmark's Self-Expression and Leadership Program and she was going to be making a magazine. That's the connective piece.
When I never heard back from her and realized this on my walk, I reviewed our communication. My instinct is always to see where something was left off. How did I respond? What did I say? Just in case my communication is incomplete or questionable. Because I'm writing and reading so much these days...I have to do this sometimes. Particularly with people I don't know and am not really connected to.
When I was taking the Self-Expression and Leadership course, the biggest thing was-you couldn't make any money from your project. That was one of the main rules of the game. This woman was talking about spending the weekend drawling up her business plan and she would get back to me after the weekend. In my response to her, I said okay and I encouraged the enrollment of other humans as a powerful way to get the momentum going. My experience creating the magazine was really about other people. Not myself, not a business plan...it was about my ability to lead and be self-expressed in such a way that other people were touched, moved and inspired. There was no business planning involved. What any participant does with their projects after the course is over is up to them...
Anyway, when I read what I had wrote, I realized, I don't know what Landmark is teaching their SELP participants these days, perhaps my encouragement was off? I don't know, I'm not a part of that scene anymore and I didn't really have any secret agenda to turn anything into a money maker. I was very busy learning how to do something I never thought to do before from nothingness, no skills, no awareness, no experience what-so-ever with the development of a magazine. I was essentially winging it, the entire time. All I really had was a ton of enthusiasm and a protective instinct for the essence of the magazine itself. Everything else was really on the spot training, moment to moment. I think that's the path one takes on the road to Leadership and self expression. You become by experience, blocks, mistakes, and you get to see how committed you are to the essence of something by how deeply those blocks hit you and how quickly you desire solutions that would work and a lot of the times, those solutions came from outside the box of anything business plan related.
In this way, I felt perhaps my encouragement was incorrect and if that was why she never got back to me. OKAY. that's fine but I wanted to get complete and it's not my job to chase this woman. I'm not coaching her. So to get completion, I reached out to my former spouse and explained that I had never heard back from his coachee and let him know what I left her with, in case that was incorrect.
He did not respond and I didn't wait for a response. I just went about my day. Don't you know, 6 days later, on another walk-what returned to my consciousness was: He did not respond. I thought....Hmmmmm.
In our marriage, I stopped taking a stand for him. Now, there is allowing a person to be who they are and where they are...and then there is the loss of desire to take a stand for another person. It's a very big distinction that lives on the inside of a person's heart. That's not really my nature.
It is my nature to allow. It is not my nature to "Stop."
I decided to take a stand for me and for him in the form of reaching out to say in a nut shell "this is very Ross and Christina" You ask me to do a solid, I respond right away, I do what you ask, it falls through, I reach out to complete it and you ignore me completely.
I'm telling you. THAT WAS OUR MARRIAGE. Not all of it but it was so funny to me because...it was still happening and I decided to change the game... and guess what? He responded right away. A very articulate simple response and the entire thing was complete.
i was taking a stand for what he says he wants and who I know he is now .....he loves landmark, believes in it, has taken hundreds of hours and spent thousands of dollars on communication. So I'm going to treat him with the respect he's earned-by knowing he's a qualified advanced communicator now and we are no longer intermingled, therefore, if he's going to reach out to me to assist someone...I expect that qualified quality communication capability to include ME too, regardless if I'm just the "Ex," or not. As landmark graduates, we know other landmark graduates capacity and their understanding.
It was so beautiful for me to receive his simple response. I always sensed he'd be more fun to be friends with than married to. At least with a woman like me anyway.
All feels right in the world there.
On our funny, not so funny...no longer existing AND something we always forgot about anyway....wedding anniversary...I won't be reaching out to him.
When I was married, I had this overwhelming sense that "This feels like an "us," or a "we," thing, therefore, I said the following a lot:
"What about US?"
"What about WE?"
His we and us was with everyone except me and I don't know if that was intentional or not, I just know...I didn't like it.
Now that I'm single, I have this overwhelming sense that "This should NOT be an 'us,' or a "we," thing! Now what I say a lot is:
"Wait, what do you mean WE?"
"Wait, what do you mean US?"
I don't know if it's intentional or not, I just know...I don't like it.
Then I thought...Dear Lord!
Could it be...
is it possible...
....do I have...
Goldilocks Syndrome? Ha ha!!!!
I don't make these terms up.... that's an actual pre-existing label out there...... in the world....
Bradley Foster writes the definition of what it means to have Goldilocks Syndrome:
Definition: An extreme sense of entitlement. Expectation of Manna falling from heaven without acknowledgment or gratitude. Named for the ungrateful character in Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
I like to feel like I'm being or have been clear.