singing Nina Simone's FEELING GOOD!
I wouldn't have seen that coming...what a pleasant surprise!
"Sleep in peace when the day is done, that's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel"
He goes and says those words everyone says "Relationships are work" in that moment, I lost my center, got very confused and thought....
Whatcha talkin bout Willis? (For real)
"Work, work, work, work....work!!!"
All of a sudden I find this very responsible, mature, conscientious adult approach to be super duper confusing.....
Between me and a new human...there are no agreements, no conditions, no history, no problems. Nothing has actually occurred yet.
Where does all of this hard work exist?
It's like....I go searching for this work and I can't find one thing to work on. This makes me feel like maybe I have actually lost my mind. I'm supposed to be this adult who does the work in relationships..but I can't even find any particle to pick up that requires work. I'm "this close," sometimes to making something up just to do the relationships as work/hard work thing. But I quickly change my mind.
You like me, I like you. Let's explore, learn and see what's there. This is my approach at this time. I don't even know where to go with all of that relationships as work thing. I'm at a loss here...all of a sudden....
If something comes up to work on-I'm there. I'm in it, I am perfectly willing to do "the work," to create harmony, understanding and return to clean. But something does have to actually come up for me. I can't just manufacture work for the sake of an approach.
I'm wondering how much of my inability to connect with that approach has to do with my Transcendental Meditation practice and my Maharishi/Ayurvedic studies.
When I was in Iowa, at the Raj Ayurveda Health and Wellness Spa for 12 days. I lived in an environment that was in alignment with the laws of nature at a level that was beyond. Even the architecture in Vedic City was crafted to induce bliss. The congruency was remarkable. At every level. After heading to the library one day after receiving 3 hours of body treatments (which is this whole next level thing) I gravitated to a book, and opened it right to the exact page on RELATIONSHIPS! And how everyone works SO HARD, everyone has their lists, everyone creates so much and the one and only thing that is actually necessary...is to have a similar level of consciousness. That was it. From that point...All other things can be easily created. Starting from that place and then moving from there. This resonated with me very deeply.
I'm good at the reason, season or lifetime connection theory. I'm very good at that. And sometimes someone seasonal ends up being a lifetime, that's cool. Other times someone I thought would be a lifetime was just seasonal and that's cool too. Maybe not at first...but eventually...
This is more what I'm thinking. Increase attention, not pressure....
This morning I'm also wondering if my inability to connect also has to do with...my 10 year marriage too.
I have this theory that what makes someone a kick as person climbing the corporate ladder isn't the same mindset that warms the home. What works in the office, office politics and what HR declares as appropriate-is not what will keep a man's passionate wife-passionate about him. I could be wrong...but it feels true for me personally.
So perhaps I am now slightly sensitive when I hear someone say "we have work to do,"
Sometimes with some humans....what that can mean sometimes is
We are going to be spending oodles and oodles of time working toward some unattainable goal because we are focused in the wrong direction and on the wrong things that aren't necessary and are just imaginary blocks anyway-instead of moving the way love moves, cleaning up the spots that get in the way of love moving and love moving does not equate to anything other than having the nature of the connection be what it is meant to be. I don't think you can do that if you're super busy with an exclusive "Relationships are hard work" consciousness ONLY> More time in joy, love, connection, feeling into, leaning into, being clear...less time worrying about the work....Yes please and thank you so much.
Or, I've had other experiences (even in some friendships) where there is some kind of control thing happening here. Something...there is something. An unspoken yet very loud something.
I do have an aversion to spending my time in connection working so damn hard on imaginary problems.
Focused on...problems. Focused on...problems. Focused on.......MORE PROBLEMS...I spent half of my marriage napping and I'm pretty sure that was because there was so much focus on PROBLEMS....
That's very different than....doing the natural work in connection or working on triggers as they come up. When someone else is triggered by something, is that really something I'm supposed to be working on? Or is that something I'm just there to support? The first one feels like something is off here. The second one feels good. And I hope that when I am triggered someone can be calm enough to give me the space to work through....or, if two triggers happen all at once...let's pray one of us have the capacity to stop-drop and ROLL!!!!
I'm just more inclined to want to co-create solutions and just be in connection, move the way love moves, do my own inner work, resolve what there is to resolve and move on to the next level or thing that comes up as it it coming up vs staying in the problem, repeating the problem and seeing any problem as the main event.
If I make an agreement with someone that's different. But even then, if the agreement isn't working...lets view that agreement as we would a living moving document that is open for renegotiation if necessary.
I'm good at being humble when I give my word and break it.
I am not good when I have absolutely not given my word or my consent and then a finger is pointed at me as if I "broke my word" or I lack integrity.
And that entire thing... lives inside of; having the capacity to pay attention. To show up in the present as it exists with another person. To see and feel the person in front of you vs using your past or your own agenda as your guide.
I also have an aversion to these statements:
"This is how it's done"
"this is what people do"
Or the BIG ONE .....ready.....cause HERE IT COMES!!!
The sentence that begins with......... "Most People"
Oooooooh Shiiiiiiiiiitttt NOOOOOOOO
For heavens sake...I know A LOT Of people and I still don't even have a clue what "most people" do. There are billions of people on the planet and unless I knew a few million of them personally and deeply-how the hell does anyone ever know what "most people" do, think, feel or what their M.O truly is. Cool for consumer/business/clients and creating your path in business or art....weird in one on one connections that I feel breath so much better without that "most people" nonsense.
I'm talking about connection/being hard/only...
Doesn't anyone desire NOT doing what "most people" do?
...as I'm thinking about all of this hard work stuff...
I was starting to feel that I may be living alone for the rest of my life here and as I was feeling into that thought..as I was feeling peaceful about it...
just then.... another new connection calls me and we are just "in it." there is no work. Notta...there is just two people sharing and laughing. No filter, no trying to impress...just an oozing of connection as it exists in this moment.
I was like....oh,,, okay...yes....this is what I mean...He's new...again, there is nothing that has happened that requires work. He thought of me, He called, we talked, it was fun. The end. It was wonderful...In complete alignment with where we are at this time. Which is we are no place -except in this moment in time....HELLO...YES...THANK YOU...
Right after that....I receive an email from someone I am very much willing to "do the work" with but I still don't want it framed as "We have work to do." So when I read those this am..I was like OH NO...NOT YOU TOO? NOOOOOOOOOO
NO MORE WORK PLEASE>>>>>> haha
It's really only because I'm playing around with this theory of relationships being hard work that I even felt something....
The reason I am willing to do connection work with that person is because that connection is 8 months long and began on the very foundation that I was talking about in the beginning of my post
the Maharishi/Ayurvedic/The Raj "start at similar levels of consciousness"
We connect, if a trigger comes up...it comes up...but all that work is done from 5000 miles away. It is my conclusion there would be less work if we were 5 centimeters away from each other but that's just my world view.
I don't know...all I know is...connection to me...is the juice vs the work but I guess it could just be semantics. Not sure...I guess it depends...
SO...I'm very curious to see what this truly is for me. It could be all of the above....