The other day, a woman I respect and admire very much posted a quote that said
"Destroy the idea that men should respect women because they are our daughters, mothers, and sisters. Reinforce the idea that men should respect women because we are people."
I understand (deeply) where this comes from and very much appreciate the academic pioneers who have the specific education and incredible intelligence combined with passion to be the change they wish to see in the world AND I also think Destroying the Idea...lacks a deeper-fundamental wisdom. Life starts at home. The lessons of disrespecting women as people begins there. Let's not destroy something that actually matters tremendously. Instead, let's expand upon it. Men can and do love their mothers. Often, very much so, but that doesn't always equate to actually respecting her.
Men often love their daughters fiercely. Yet, to love your daughter and to respect your daughter as her own person, to respect and have reverence for her...that's a different thing.
Why would we ever want to "destroy," that? It starts at home. It all starts at home.
I think reinforcing both ideas is a full bodied expanded path.
I'd change this to "Yes, Reinforce men should respect women because they are our daughters, mothers and sisters and if you really want to reinforce something....reinforce respecting women because they are people"
Or something of that nature....co-existence, nothing good or necessary is destroyed...something good and necessary is just being added...
Just an idea...
The intention is well understood but that little boy is a little boy, he's also a person. And little boys are taught all kinds of crazy messages about what it means to be a boy, just as much as girls are taught what we are taught. These things feel like such a lack of mindfulness in terms of depth.
It would be different if she was smiling and waving the stick as if it was a magic wand and saying to the sky.....this same thing. that would be cute.
In one of my many research experiments, I pitched the question to many parents "If you had to make the choice between your child being the bully or being bullied...which would you choose? Below all of the politically correct answers... Some parents couldn't go there but most parents answered honestly that they would prefer their child as the bully. In their minds, it was easier to handle that and guide toward other things than it would be to help a child recover from being bullied. That's something to think about.....
I'm also the mother of a son. When I see the image of a little girl in my toddler sons face, going into his personal space with a stick. I see a violent little girl who isn't being parented very well. I can't help it. It's what I see.
I remember who my son was at this age. His sweetness, his purity. I recall an experience when my son was a toddler- When I went to pick him up and he had a series of puncture wounds on his little hands.
I was very upset, I knelt down and said "Joseph what happened?"
A little girl had decided it would be fun to puncture his little hand repeatedly with a pencil and he just let her do it.
He told me as if it was no big deal. I asked him "Why did you let her do that to you?"
He began to cry and said "Because I love her."
That's the essence of a sweet little boy as far as I can remember. They too some how decide, when you love someone...you allow things..even when it hurts.
In addition to that, I watched my five year old stepdaughter at the pool one day trying to connect by being bossy to every other kid in the pool and they all turned away from her.
A few just left, others said "You're way too bossy" and walked away. I'm watching this go down from start to finish. Once the last kid left her, she came running over to me crying her eyes out with the dramatic flair five year olds have:
"The kids here are mean, they won't play with me."
That was not what happened.
She was bossing everyone around (as if they worked for her.) These were children who just wanted to play freely.
Can you imagine me lying to her telling her, telling her
"Oh darling, It's them, not you"
I wouldn't be able to sleep at night feeding a child a lie in this way. I can't do it. And I'm absolutely NOT going to tell her she's got leadership skills. Are you kidding?
It was an indicator that she could be guided and eventually cultivate leadership skills but this was not the time for that because this was not the truth.
This was the time to honor her fully by sharing exactly what I saw and heard (Which was-the entire thing.) Iy was the time to explain the children were not at all mean to her and would she like me to tell her why everyone walked away and didn't want to play?
She wanted to know. Sniffling, she wanted to know because what she really wanted was connection and playmates.
An hour later, she was in the pool with a bunch of children having fun. She was fulfilled in connection with others.
The next person who called her bossy- when that part of her personality did come up (because that was a part of her personality).
She didn't cry and she most certainly did not get in that person's personal space with a stick and declare:
"I'm NOT BOSSY"
What she did was....she thought about it and she said "Sorry, I have a habit of doing that." They continued to play... By doing so...what I noticed was...at some point, she was leading. She gained trust from the other children and the next thing you know-she's the imaginary teacher in the class room with her imaginary students and everyone is happily playing along...
She was only 5 years old!!!!
Leaders are accountable, responsible and handle feedback in smart honest ways....that's how they gain trust.
I understand the Angry Advocate. The passion. (I've been)
I understand the Wounded Advocate too. The passion (I've been that too)
Advocates are necessary in our world. Their empathy and compassion leads to their passions and they are the changers of this world...
It's just that...I see things....a little differently sometimes...