After dinner I found myself needing a nap, waking up at midnight then returning to sleep anywhere between 3-4 or 5 am.
All 3 nights back to back - Someone has shared their stories of Love and Loss with me. So it's Donovan month (Month of Love) combined with a new hormonal thing and loss, loss and loss. Three days back to back. The timing...
I have learned to be conscientious in moments when I am slightly depleted by a new hormonal shift as it relates to- if I can sense something will deplete me more or not. Being mindful of preventing a little thing called Adrenal Fatigue is something that is very important to me. It's not this massive major thing...it's simply honoring the needs of my physiology and all those teeny tiny shifts.
1. Someone has died
2. I don't have the energy to hold someone right now.
I'm aware this woman is tender hearted anyway and prefers phone calls to text and I was not able to hold her right then although I care very much.
I thought: What is the best thing here for both of us? How can I hold her -via text? Is that even possible?
As it turned out, her mother had died. A woman I loved who was very good to me and loved me too.
I have a lot of friends whose entire family become a part of my heart tribe. I felt my heart tighten up and my eyes began to well up.
I explained my current new hormonal shift...
She shared.. "I get it...I'm actually having a hot flash right now"
I haven't had those yet, however, I so appreciate her graciousness in allowing me to hold her at the capacity I was able to in that moment.
As I'm trying to figure out what the heck I ate to cause this...I reached over to check my phone and I see a series of text informing me one of my dearest dearest friends 11 year old daughter has died. A precious little girl. I felt chills move up and down my spine as I sat up in bed. Now I am awake and my heart begins to constrict very tightly. I find myself wanting to get in my car and drive to where my friend is- but I am 5000 miles away and this news has sent me far over the edge. One, two...three...WIPE OUT!!!!
YES, if we are lucky
It occurred to me I have entered into the phase in life where loss becomes more prevalent, more common.
The older we get, the more it touches our lives. Reminding us to love out and fully and in each moment. To not take the people in our lives, the love that they have or give freely for granted.
I remember this beginning phase through being my parents daughter actually. Where it seemed like they were always holding their friends in some way. They have always had so many friends, such an expanded community and with that comes...this.
And just the week before I was sending my closest friends these three rough mock book covers....