I'm walking along in my happy joyful state. I see a woman who I thought looked very beautiful in what she was wearing. That was the extent of my limited brain function. So I said "You look Beautiful." I do this all the time. I see beauty and something in me likes this and wants to say so...
She was not having it. Within seconds she's calling me everything in the book one woman could say to another woman to try and damage the other woman's psyche and in between all of that I was a "F-ing Racist White B"
I stop. I think she must not have heard me, I turn around to make sure she understood what I actually said to her. In this moment, she decides to put her phone up and say "Police time! Go a head you racist...Now you are being filmed"
I don't move because she is so disconnected from now, what I said, my intention and reality and I am not at all worried about being filmed because she made that entire racism thing up. And I'm actually no place near her personal space. I am no threat, I have no harmful intention.
The fact that I did not respond with fear sent her over the edge. Now she is enrolling people walking by. "Help me. This is racism!" So now it's this whole scene.
I did realize there wasn't going to be any breakthrough but I tried a little longer than was necessary anyway.
Then I walked away.
I decide to feel into my body... How does this feel to me. I began to shake actually and tears began to form in my eyeballs. I just happened to be heading to see my friend Elizabeth. She's like "You, walking around the streets causing problems...trying to tell women they are beautiful. What is wrong with you?" And we laughed because that was funny and she meant it to be funny. She's got that humor.
I went home, meditated, did some Hula and I got...she was having an absolute BLAST, the woman who was so all about me being a racist. And she was very clear when she told me I deserved this. I deserved this treatment because that's what a white racist bitch deserves. I did this all to myself. Truly, the woman was having a lot of fun. She loved every moment of calling me names, threatening me, trying to humilate me. I could feel it once I returned to center...
I'm like...okay. You win! I don't know what you think you win but the joke is most certainly on me. The "Stupid" white woman.
I was walking around feeling lifted and happy and then I tried and I wasn't so happy but then I got happy again. Because I tried at the level that I have the capacity to try at..
I don't have any answers for racism. It's so embedded. I just know that I didn't feel an ounce of shame or guilt when she whipped that camera out as it related to me being a racist. The only thing that I walked away with was hurt feelings and an opportunity to rid myself of them. But that's a Christina thing and that's been a Christina thing for a very long time...
Because that is what I do, it is who I am....
So that was interesting
P.S. Let's not get all crazy about what I am attracting into my life. I live in the city...that's a part of it..it happens..