The Peaceful Exchange Program primarily handles Level three co-parenting (the exchange between homes) and that program has massive power to positively impact Level One and Level Two Co-Parenting. (You can learn more about these three levels by going to the previous blog 


https://www.christinamariewhinnery.com/stepfamily-living-blog/conscious-co-parenting-levels

 
 
 
​In this program we do not use the exchange between houses to “dump” on the other parent. Instead, we recognize our children have been waiting to see their other parent all month, all week, or all day. 
 
 
 
The exchange can be light hearted, smooth and joyful for the children, for their sense of emotional safety. For a child to not have to endure waiting around for mom and dad to stop fighting so they may get their love tank filled more quickly by their other parent. 
Is the exchange between homes the time or the place for working out adult issues. Or is the exchange between homes the time and place for the children to safely cross over the bridge from one home to the other? In the next 8 giant square blocks, Expanded Consciousness will lay some of the program out for anyone who may desire something softer.....

​The exchange between homes is where the fence impacts the bridge and the bridge impacts the fence. We ask ourselves, how safe, nurtured and valued do we want our children’s memories to be? In each home -each woman knows what’s true. The children wake up excited. “Today is the day I get to see MY DAD! Dad wakes up whistling...”today is the day I get to see my kids!” There is this invisible love thread. How a mom and how a stepmom handle this excitement depends on so many things. The exchange begins before the exchange happens. It is in this seemingly insignificant moment where either woman can see and feel what her truth actually is. The invisible love thread excitement, how does that excitement land on either woman? Or the reverse. “I don’t want to go to Dads. I want to be with my friends! I don’t want to miss the fun with my friends!” And Dad...is still...excited...”I’m going to see my kids!” Within each family, anything is possible. What’s wild about this is...often mom’s won’t let a child make the choice to eat ice cream for breakfast because that wouldn’t be in their best interest but they will fight for their child to forgo a relationship with their own father. Then they get to say “You’re never there for these kids” but Dad...has always been...willing and whistling with happiness “Today I get to see my kids” Do we as mothers see ourselves? 
 

The exchange between homes is where the fence impacts the bridge and the bridge impacts the fence. We ask ourselves, how safe, nurtured and valued do we want our children’s memories to be? In each home -each woman knows what’s true. The children wake up excited. “Today is the day I get to see MY DAD! Dad wakes up whistling...”today is the day I get to see my kids!” There is this invisible love thread. How a mom and how a stepmom handle this excitement depends on so many things. 


Stepmoms have access to the depression many fathers feel all week, every week unless or until...”Today I get to see my kids” 
She’s been living in his depression via his dullness. In her mind...floating thoughts....“If only he was this excited about the fullness of his life” 
“Grrr. Yes the kids are coming. Roll out the red carpet because now we will all have to bow down to the mini royals and I’m about to be converted into the slave cause the mini royals are coming for the weekend” 
This one is no joke for stepmoms. No joke indeed. The issue...isn’t the kids. It’s the depression. The dull non excited part...
What will help lift the depression? 




 

Ever wonder why a child who has both parents who love them severely and dearly feels abandoned by one parent or the other? Dad is there. He’s right there. All the time. Any time he’s needed. But for some reason...a child carries abandonment issues with Dad. What we discovered through this program was how often this exchange between homes has the power to remove that illusion for a child. Imagine the scene...Dads car is in the drive way. “He’s HERE! My Dad is HERE!” The child runs to Dad...after not seeing dad for any length of time.
Their eyes meet...Dad smiles. He’s in his heart...his arms open. The child runs into Dads arms. The hug feels amazing. Both Dad and child experience the physical reconnection filling up their love tanks. The world feels safe. Children are so excited to see their father they act like wild monkeys. Over the top. Which is the most natural, most unfiltered response to reconnection with the man they love so much. To feel seen, known, loved, nurtured, valued....the reconnection is solidified. Rather than mom and dad using the exchange to fight and solve adult issues. The focus remains pure. There is nothing getting in the way.....
Every exchange makes sure of it.
 


​The program can be taken on at any level of commitment. It can be such that we just want the exchange to be a positive experience for the children and it can also be an incredible opportunity to heal some of the residue left on the un-mended fence which can damage the building of the bridge. The resistance to that bridge can be thick. If stepmom is in the car when Dad picks the kids up or not is not the focus. We no longer need that level of control. What we do instead is we witness. Is it Dad who gets out of the car. Can I see my child’s eyes light up when they see their father. Even with Stepmom in the car...am I seeing clearly it is their father who gets out of the care to welcome their own child with love onto the bridge. And how about stepmom. Being willing to sit in the car to allow father and children to reconnect. Peaceful movement. The child sees the family in the car who that child will experience shared family memories with. At the center of it all is Dad. You would be amazed at what mothers end up seeing once they allow

Forgive thy self. No matter what has already happened. Forgive thy self. For all the unglued moments. For all the times you forgot to truly put the emotional safety of the children first. You’re so not alone. So not alone
Divorce is hard.
Remarriage is hard.
Stepfamily life is hard.
Raising kids is hard.
Trying to do that from two houses is hard. 

​Make a new commitment. A new plan. Be intentional about what you want the children’s memories of their exchange between homes to be about. If you need to...email, text or write a note on all the logistical, practical information that is important for the other parent to have. Allow the physical reconnection to solidify as you observe your children’s experience with their other parent. Much of the time what mothers end up witnessing is that all the fears they have about stepmom interfering begins to disappear. They can see very vividly their child’s love tank is indeed being filled by their father. They feel the truth of it in real time. Oh, I can see and feel the truth as it exists. My children are being seen, valued and known by their father. I can....relax now.  

repeat steps 1 and 2. 
 
Forgive yourself and keep being intentional about it. 
 
The invitation:  Take what resonates with you, do what you want with it and ignore what is not workable in your reality. You are free, always. It’s your life, your moments, your heart, your family.       


​Much Love,
  Christina Marie 
The Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator 

Christina Marie, dubbed the "Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator (aka Holistic Stepfamily Coach)
 Expanded Consciousness:
Home of: 
Expanded Family Magazine
Navigational Skills for Stepfamilies (the workbook)

Women In Stepfamilies Mini Book Series

Women in Stepfamilies
 Whose Hair Is It?
How to Chill Out and Why
It’s Not Really About Hair

Book 2
Remote Control: How to Stay Focused on What Happens 
in Your Home and Why You have More Power When You do

Book 3
He's Not the Dad You Want Him To be
How to Accept Who He Is 
and Why That Helps Kids Accept Who They Are

​
Stories of Courageous Vulnerability 
​(Book with 40 authors from around the world) 

Love Affair with Thy Self (The Movement) 

Tender is the Heart: 16 Lessons of Love & Loss (coming out soon) 

​​

TO START: 
I'd like to share with you the "levels of Co-Parenting," from an expanded consciousness-holistic vantage point and how we work with stepfamilies:
 
The levels of co-parenting in a stepfamily: where a child (or children) go back and forth between two homes.
The invitation:  Take what resonates with you, do what you want with it and ignore what is not workable in your reality. You are free, always. It’s your life, your moments, your heart, your family.      
 
 
 
Much Love,
  Christina Marie 
The Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator 
 


​Level one: Biological: Mom and Dad
 
Level two: Biological and Step (Mom and stepdad’s house and Stepmom and Dad’s house)
 
Level three: the space between level one and two which the children travel.
 
In this way, all of the adults involved are all responsible for who they are, what they send out and how mindful they are about doing no harm to themselves, each other and the children as the children experience the full reality of their Expanded Family landscape. Aka level one, level two and level three.
 
Our company, Expanded Consciousness is all about taking what is and moving it where you want it to go. Where divorced parents usually want their children's lives to go is often the same. It's really the "how," to get them there and "who," should (and shouldn't)  get them there that takes parents off track as it relates to what they truly want.
 
Mending fences while building bridges allows room for the fullness of honoring the co-creation of the precious children, as well as the building of the bridge.
 
 

Level one: Biological: Mom and Dad
 
The child has the mom the child has. 
 
The child has the dad the child has. 
 
This is baseline acceptance. To be able to work with what is or isn’t true. 
 
Starting point. 
 
This is foundational. 
 
When we accept this. 
We can begin to work with the full biological reality that the children have at the level the children have it.
 
This is very helpful in moving things where we want them to go.  
 
This includes yourself. 
 
 
You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole--like the world, or the person you loved.
Stewart O'Nan, The Odds: A Love Story
​

Level two: Biological and Step (Mom and stepdad’s house and Stepmom and Dad’s house)
 
Whatever the case may or may not be between homes...(one house marriage other house single) once a stepparent enters the scene-the Expanded stepfamily bridge is being built. If we like it or not, our children are experiencing another human being in their home. In addition to that, this other human being becomes a leader in teaching the child about what It means to be in partnership. This doesn’t have to be a threat to level one co-parenting. It doesn’t make Dad any less Dad and it doesn’t make Mom and less Mom. It just means the vibe in each home and how two people who are with one another jive...is something the children become a part of. 
 
 
Mending fences while building bridges allows room for the fullness of honoring the co-creation of the precious children, as well as the building of the bridge.
 

​Here at Expanded Consciousness we’ve been collecting data within a stepfamily communities for over thirty years now from all three levels and all family members perspectives. From infancy to grandparents.
 
What we recognize is without access to the full stepfamily landscape -we can easily do more harm than good. More damage that continues disconnect rather than truly helping families move into a more harmonious flow in reverent time.
So we had this idea.
What would happen if we Saturated ourselves in both homes as a witness. Not taking anyone’s side which meant we were able to see things more clearly. What would happen if we did that plus observed what goes down during the exchange between homes.
 
By taking this holistic approach with love and compassion for each stepfamily as individual families,
Mending fences while building bridges appealed the most to our company. How can we help if we haven’t taken the time to experience the fullness each individual stepfamily landscape. We can’t go by our own failures and our own successes because every family is uniquely different.
 
Our approach allowed us to collect more data to be able to pin point what was truly going on.
What works for one family doesn’t work for another family. Even still, people would need to be willing. Not everyone is willing.
 

​The bio-stepmom compass creator primarily handles level two of the co-parenting levels. However, it also filters softly and adds healing value to level one and level three-as well.

​Just as the Peaceful Exchange Program primarily handles Level three co-parenting (the exchange between homes) and that program has massive power to positively impact Level One and Level Two Co-Parenting: In addition to helping adults heal in a way that most of their life energy lives in the present which gives them more power to be in solution oriented in the present.

What Expanded Consciousness does not do is: we do not help you change the other person to be exactly as you need them to be. We would be sorry about that, however-we have seen miracles happen (mostly in reverent time) for families by not trying to change or control anyone else and instead work within ourselves.
Therefore: Mending fences while building bridges ties into
Self love. Open heart. Reverent communication as a process to have the power to take what is and move it where you want it to go.
 
Self love allows you to open your heart. Being full with an open heart makes it much easier to master the Reverent Communication that will work within your stepfamily based on the people in your stepfamily. The ones that you love. The ones that you don’t love. The ones you get along with and the ones that irritate you so much.

​Level one: Biological: Mom and Dad
 
Level two: Biological and Step (Mom and stepdad’s house and Stepmom and Dad’s house)
 
Level three: the space between level one and two which the children travel.
 
In this way, all of the adults involved are all responsible for who they are, what they send out and how mindful they are about doing no harm to themselves, each other and the children as the children experience the full reality of their Expanded Family landscape. Aka level one, level two and level three.
 

Christina Marie, dubbed the "Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator (aka Holistic Stepfamily Coach)
 Expanded Consciousness:
Home of: 
Expanded Family Magazine
Navigational Skills for Stepfamilies (the workbook)

Women In Stepfamilies Mini Book Series

Women in Stepfamilies
 Whose Hair Is It?
How to Chill Out and Why
It’s Not Really About Hair

Book 2
Remote Control: How to Stay Focused on What Happens 
in Your Home and Why You have More Power When You do

Book 3
He's Not the Dad You Want Him To be
How to Accept Who He Is 
and Why That Helps Kids Accept Who They Are

​
Stories of Courageous Vulnerability 
​(Book with 40 authors from around the world) 

Love Affair with Thy Self (The Movement) 

Tender is the Heart: 16 Lessons of Love & Loss (coming out soon) 
​

o co-parent with another human being we may not like, may not agree with, may not share the same values, or someone suffers from mental illness or any number of things: How could that not be an opportunity to Answer the 
Call to Adventure? To move through challenges and temptations into the Abyss. Death and Rebirth can be symbolic of our capacity to grow into the reality of our co-parenting lives. It could be our transformation that makes the biggest difference (Not the other parents) 
For women in stepfamilies, women reject and refuse the call all the time. “I’m not going to educate myself on addiction because I am not the one who is addicted.” Is something that I hear a lot. 
This may be true, yet it is also true that you pro-created with another human being whose struggle at this time is addiction. If that is a truth known before or if it lives within the journey of “The Unknown” isn’t as relevant as the opportunity to protect and prepare the children who exist in the middle through educating ourselves until we are able to guide, prepare and be a supportive trustworthy advocate for them through Act 2: Their initiation (Which includes Atonement with the Father) and be there for them with our hearts full for Act 3: The Return. When our children are able to fly and be the master of and feel their own freedom to live their lives.

We can not advocate for something we ourselves are not living. When we try to do it that way, when we try to just talk the talk and not walk the walk, we have less supportive trustworthy power with our off spring. ​

Christina Marie, dubbed the "Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator (aka Holistic Stepfamily Coach)
 Expanded Consciousness:
Home of: 
Expanded Family Magazine
Navigational Skills for Stepfamilies (the workbook)

Women In Stepfamilies Mini Book Series

Women in Stepfamilies
 Whose Hair Is It?
How to Chill Out and Why
It’s Not Really About Hair

Book 2
Remote Control: How to Stay Focused on What Happens 
in Your Home and Why You have More Power When You do

Book 3
He's Not the Dad You Want Him To be
How to Accept Who He Is 
and Why That Helps Kids Accept Who They Are

​
Stories of Courageous Vulnerability 
​(Book with 40 authors from around the world) 

Love Affair with Thy Self (The Movement) 

Tender is the Heart: 16 Lessons of Love & Loss (coming out soon) 

​

 
 
How Strong is your Spine?

I'm going to speak to fathers however, this applies to any parent. 
 
Imagine yourself and the mother of your children as your child’s developing spinal cord. 
Imagine the central nervous system of your child to be divided between the spinal cord (you and their mom) and the Brain (the child)
 
 
As the developing spinal cord of your child- you and mom are the communication highway to the child's brain. 
 

The Brain (Child) collects information through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Everything they see you do, how you say what you say, what you cook them for dinner (The Yum/Yuck factor) and what your touch feels like to them. 
As the important messengers of the Brain (Child) when you injure each other, you injure the Brain (child) 
Spinal cord injuries can easily disrupt the brain (child.) And this comes out in: Speech, walking, movement, core thoughts, perceptions and emotions. 
 
Every time you focus on what's wrong with mom and you let the children know what's wrong with mom, you are part of the cause of the disruption in the brain of the child. 
 
This will come out in their speech, their ability to move in the world, their core thoughts about themselves, their perception of themselves, and their emotions. These are the things that are often at the heart of their behavioral changes.
 
You understand how this works if you ever experienced that moment where you wake up one day, lean over to pick something up from the floor and *Crack! Your back is OUT! Suddenly, you can't think straight. Your mood changes. You're a different human. 
Perhaps you're a grumpy bear now because you are in some serious pain. It’s in it’s acute stage however, that pain usually does not stem from the simple act of bending over. It's usually an accumulation of many things through time. Perhaps it's bad posture or even an old football injury that flairs up every few years. 
There is a connection between the past and the present and how that leads directly into your immediate future. Unless you become mindful, present and take care of your spine on the daily. 
 
This is what the women in your life have been trying to tell you or this is what your children, teens and young adult children are trying to tell you directly or indirectly. 

So I ask you, how strong is your own spine? 
 
Now imagine the development of your own central nervous system. Your parents are your spinal cord and you are the brain.


You see where I am going with this, don’t you?
 
I ask you this because the starting point for everything you need to know about why you can or can’t relate, connect or get along with the most important women in your life- begins within the development of your own central nervous system. 


Strengthening your own core is your best defense to the concerned maternal or the feminine chaotic. 
 
Remember though: an indication of a strong core is: the ability to be both strong and flexible. 
 
How this looks in a co-parenting relationships:
 

A weak core response:                 “Just get over it already!”
 
A Strong core response: “You sound frustrated, what do you need?

A weak core response:               “This isn’t about you!”
 
A Strong core response:        “I understand you’re upset, let’s come up with a solution”
 
 
 
This is the beginning point of ninja communication aka reverent communication. 
 
If you want to stop loosing your cool every time the maternal or feminine chaotic heads your way: Strengthen your core.
 
WARNING: There is a very good chance, if you’ve been showing up with a weak core-her response might be suspicious or she may not even know what she needs. Should this happen, just remain strong in your core because that will be the beginning point of her ability to figure out what her real needs are.
You can’t control what she needs and you may not be able to give her what she needs.
All you can do is be strong in your own core. That means, keeping it simple and on point in the face of the various energies the concerned maternal or the feminine chaotic brings to the table.
 
 
 
The most important thing you can do is decide what kind of father you are and be that kind of father to your children so fully that you are not easily taken off track.
 
 
I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell my mom clients:
 

1. Your children have the mother that they have. Period, end of story. If you want to be a positive healthy influence on her or your children: you have to strengthen your own core  

 
(Working with mothers we call this SELF-LOVE) and remember she is a part of your child’s developing spinal cord too, no matter what she’s done to you.

1. Please stop telling your children half of their spine is messed up, screwed up,                   bad, or a terrible mother.

That’s not cool. Even if it’s true, it’s so not cool to damage your own child’s spine, please do not weaken them in this way.

1. Spend your time strengthening and building your children up instead of spending your time putting their mother down.

Think about what you want them to learn from you, rather than focusing on what you do not want them to learn from their mother.
 
Strengthen your core
 
 
 
As far as your marriage goes: Let’s use an anatomy analogy for that too, you ready?
 
 
Imagine yourself and your wife as the developmental spinal cord of your marriage…
 
 
You get it, Right?
 

​My name is Christina Marie. Aka The Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator. I work with the most important women in your lives. Biological mothers, stepmothers and sometimes your mother, or maybe even the relationship between your now wife and your sister. It really just depends on whichever two women are unable to create harmony with one another. My priority is a woman’s physiology. (her health and well-being) I use three pillars in my work: Self-love, open-heart and reverent communication. Because I believe when a woman loves herself, she can open her heart and once she is full in those two areas she can be reverent in her communication. This benefits you and the children in every way.

Where Expanded Stepfamily and Love Affair with Thy Self Co-Exist 

Freedom to Express all that we are and all that we feel through movement, music and higher body/mind states. 



​

©Expanded Consciousness LLC

DISCLAIMER 

*This Musical-Exercise is not intended as a substitute for the medical, health or alternative healing advice of physicians, therapists or mental health care professionals. The reader should regularly consult a physician, therapist or mental health care provider in matters relating to his/her health, safety, or emotional well-being, particularly; with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention and/or more specifically, as it relates to any and all mental illness or substance abuse issues. It also requires the adults who facilitate the experience to be prepared to handle anything that comes out of a child's mouth with acceptance. Therefore, it's important that parents do their own inner emotional work prior to designing. 

Here's how it works:
Everyone in the family picks their own two songs. Or there are just two songs.... (Whatever the family wants) 


The first song intention is to get the positive, fun and happiness juices flowing through the body/mind. Whatever song makes any person in the family feel the happiest, would be their song.

These three selections are some of the more popular for family affinity and fun. Particularly when Dad dances to Beyoncé. That has the power to cause anything from giggles to...oh my god Dad...no... Either way, it really brings out the love and laughter

The second song intention is to be honest yet kind about what is hard to express.

Perhaps things that upset, hurt or angered someone.

The beauty and benefit of this being designed to happen after all that happiness (and while our bodies are in movement)  is the things that bother us or the things we haven't said becomes a little safer to say because it's being said with intention and as the body is already in movement and....no one is being blindsided. 

The younger the child, the less this part is necessary.

Mostly what parents discover is...children are often receptive to feeling joy and happiness, they sometimes have a hard time finding anything to really share. Depending on their age and with older siblings... there has to be some mindfulness and rules. Just in case. Again, depending on the connections. 
The parents are in charge and fully responsible for setting this up with everyone's emotional capacity in mind.

And often, many families decide to skip this second part when they want a little extra affinity circulating through the house first. To lighten the space and connections so when they do use this second part-there are happy memories existing when it's done. That can be very important for the success of this experience when the tension is or has been thick. However, it's just as likely doing both songs will bring that lightness back to the surface. 

This is very powerful experience for many families. People often worry about the second song however, sometimes, people have a hard time holding all the good that comes flowing out of their family members. 

As an example: 

In one home, the father/Stepfather was so overwhelmed by how generous the children were with him, he couldn't handle it because below that, he was struggling with addiction and felt so much guilt and shame, the goodness that was happening-he wasn't able to hold or accept it. Again, it's really important to be emotionally responsible, very aware and mindful. Both adults in the house have to be true leaders. I'm talking about being able to take in, not just all the feedback that may not be so great, but also how very deeply good some children's desires are and how much they love. 
(This is also why parents loving themselves is very important) 

Here are three of many songs families like to pick for the second part. 

If done well, with the intention of being a family that has the capacity to be emotionally honest in healthy and constructive ways-what everyone will experience is a sense of being heard at a level that lightens the entire house and often, very often...brings happiness and closeness because everyone has shared in a very full bodied way with each person as individuals and then as a family everyone feels heard, valued and the love goes up. It's actually beautiful to behold when that happens

If you've already worked through the Navigational Skills for Stepfamilies Workbook, you already have a foundational platform for what it means to work together to create a safe container for your stepfamily. You can just review these three chapters. That's all you would need for the foundation set up to design and facilitate your own experience and always at any time you can chose to just do the first half and you can stop the second half if it isn't working or if you want more time to design it. If you haven't read the simple but powerful workbook, it's a very easy read and it's under 10 dollars. 

The three chapters: 


You, Navigating Yourself...........................112
You, as a Couple, Navigating Together...115
Creating Value Systems.............118 

In the end the goal is to be a family that can grow into itself. To be honest with one another, free, happy and feel safe with all of their feelings and have a way to express without it becoming overly charged or being resentful for years because you didn't share your truth moment to moment all along the way. 

Brilliant simplicity at it's finest. 

To create a space of lightheartedness with the deeper intention to allow room (and have permission) to share the harder emotions while already in movement, while already feeling good in our body/mind is, if nothing else, This is also:
Brilliant simplicity. 

It's been my repeated experience that it is the parents who need more guidelines and rules than the children do. (Sorry folks) As an example, the more simple, short and sweet you keep this-the better your results will be. Parents must be prepared (in advance) to hear words like: hypocrite without getting hurt, offended, defensive or angry.

That word is by far, the most popular one for children of all ages who are old enough to understand what a hypocrite is.

It really isn't anything to get upset about because most parents are that on some level about something. They just don't know it. 

Imagine your 8 year old looking lovingly in your eyes to tell you what's amazing about you, filling you up with all the love they feel and all the ways they feel loved by you. Then the song changes and the only thing they have to say is that one word. 

It doesn't matter if you are 5 or 50, it's always just a little easier to swallow that kind of feedback when you know you are loved and you have heard all about how much you are loved and how much you do right.

However, today's parents are sometimes have an obsession with perfection and if a parents identity is all wrapped up in being the perfect parent....that word can really hit a parent rather hard. It's best to be prepared for anything.

However, if that does come out, it is also my repeated experience when parents take the time to be still and reflect, they often decide to make some adjustments so they walk their talk and talk their walk. It is not something anyone can force. It is always up to the parent. 

This becomes one of the greatest opportunities to grow and build. To mend fences while building bridges. You will often hear intact parents moving through similar experiences. They make adjustments along the way where and when they can. And if they can't, they don't. 

At the same time, you may see some tears. Some tears of endearment, of being touched, of experiencing beauty, of hearing your own child come out with the most beautiful sentence about you that becomes one of your best memories. 

If it becomes or gets or felt like a lot....the whole family can put some of those first songs on and all dance together to close the experience in high vibes. 

Always remember this is your family, your home, your loved ones, your tribe and always do whatever works for you. Change it up any way you want but it is my recommendation to keep it as simple as possible. You want to be able to do this and have it that all of the children want to do it too because their over all experience is a positive one.

It's a simple, fast and effective way to generate goodness and harmonize in reverent time. 

It's highly likely when a parent/stepparent work together for the greater good of everyone in their home (no matter who is bio and who is step) because there is movement mindfulness, thought put in and happiness generated with a clear intention.... it is often a beautiful process. 

The eye contact allows that exchange to be full bodied. Leaving the sender and the receiver connected in being heard and hearing. ​

Every family member gets to share and respond to every family member 

1st song
Person 1-Share-response.
Person 2-Share-response.


2nd song
Person 1-Share-response
Person 2- Share response.


The job of the people who aren't in the center of the circle is to witness and support the two family members in the middle.
However the rule is no interference.


The practice there is to allow the two people to work out what is living in the space between them without interfering. For parents this is an excellent opportunity to witness, pay attention, be fully present and listen reverently without interfering. While also noticing how hard that may be for you and why. Do not try to control the energy flow between two people as they are in it. Do not help them. Just let them flow *Remember they are in movement, at a distance while making eye contact. *Remember parents are responsible for age appropriate flow and knowing how to structure to keep everyone safe emotionally. 


Some common simple feedback with Song 1

 "I love when you...



I love when you hug me.
I love when you let us eat pizza.
I love when you make me laugh.
"You're one of my favorite people 
You're the best.
You're really talented.
You're the greatest athlete.
You're very smart.
I am happy to have the best mommy in the world.
I love when you read to me at night. It makes me feel special.
I love how you love all of the children.
I love the father that you are.
I can't imagine my life without you.
You are the love of my life.
***Remember when people share this their bodies will be in motion and their bodies have been in motion...
***Remember you do not have to do the second part of this if this is not what you want to do. The adults are in charge and make their own decisions/choices/ 

Song 2 Simple feedback "It doesn't feel good..." 

It doesn't feel good when you talk while I'm trying to sleep.
I didn't feel good when  you punched me in the arm at the park.
It doesn't feel right when you  tell me one thing and you don't do it yourself
(Another way to say I don't love that you are hypocritical)
It doesn't feel good that you  won't let me stay out past 9 pm.
I doesn't feel good that  you wouldn't have a catch with me the other day.
It doesn't feel good that you're always paying way too much attention to me.
It doesn't feel good when I want your attention and you tell me not now.


It doesn't feel good that you won't help me with the dishes.
It doesn't feel good when you come home with another 400 dollar dress.


*Adult exchanges -mindfulness and age appropriateness. You are keeping it light and about the small things the kids already know you don't like because they live with you. You are teaching emotional honesty while also teaching healthy caring responses. The children know mommy isn't happy when daddy doesn't do the dishes and the children know daddy isn't happy when mommy buys a 400 dollar dress. They are there when that happens. They see you and they feel you. Therefore, what you are building with them is trust because they know what you are saying is true.
****I am aware I am generalizing and gender stereotyping. Im just keeping it simple for the sake of simplicity.

The response to any and all feedback is always the same. Any variation of 

Hugs are always a good Idea too.

However, it's really important not to make any heavy duty declarations or promises at this time.

It's best to allow a process to take place and come back when you have thought something through. If you are being called a hypocrite by a teenager because you have a glass a wine on friday nights and won't let them do so, that isn't what it means to be a hypocrite. 
Leaning in, leaning out, processing, thinking, letting it marinate....if it's accurate, inaccurate, manipulative, straight up, hitting the bullseye or not. 
The only responses still are: 

It doesn't have to be all of them, it can be one or two or three, whatever fits the moment. 


​It's not about changing anyone or fixing anything or doing anything. That will happen organically or not depending what is in everyone's heart. Sometimes, when older siblings hear from the younger ones just how much they look up to them, it touches them in such a way where their affinity rises and they decide on their own to be nicer and less annoyed. ​

It is through the heart space that connection happens, deepens and endears us to one another. ​

Adults/Leaders/Facilitators
Similar process as Navigational Skills for Stepfamilies
Prepare/Organize

2 intentional songs (or just the first one) 

Circle-distance-eye contact

Share-Respond (keep it simple)

Every person has a turn with every person
​
​Feel free to close with a family song that everyone is dancing and feel good.

Again, you may notice and experience a deeper connection with everyone, a more harmonious flow, children who were annoyed with one another may get along on their own (they may not) 
You can reflect as the parent/Stepparent-discuss and create wonderful solution oriented experiences or make changes if you want to, or accept what is if you want to

As always, this is your family, your life, your choice, your loved ones, your opportunity. If there is already harmony and you just want to feel good and have everyone in the house feel even better than they already do...Song one....can make that happen

​Mostly, it's been my repeated experience...people love you more than you think they do. Once all expressions are shared...it's usually right there...

​Some of these interviews started with a recorded audio of chapter one. “Lack of Awareness”; while other interviews, had been a series of questions asked and answered.
The younger the child, the less questions asked and the more the audio of “lack of awareness” was used. Mostly, those required parental consent and an agreement to just let each child express what their personal experience is and how they felt naturally. If they wanted to talk, they could. If they didn’t want to talk, they didn’t have to.
All the children ages 6 to 12 had an experience of being able to fully relate and understand every word in that chapter: Feelings of being bounced around from house to house, the confusion, the chaos and the desire for mom and dad to get back together. Also, from these children’s little world views; adult’s actions and ways of being don’t make sense to them. Their awareness of the adults mixed messages and their ability to understand what was going on between the adults, surprised many of the parents. It’s sometimes difficult for parents to realize children are paying attention, often even while they are playing and just being children. By using “lack of awareness” many of these children’s parents became aware and present to just how much children actually understand.
Teenagers seemed to be less generous with their parent’s humanism’s, and more generous with themselves and the advantages of their own ability to handle challenges and diversity which they believe stems from what they consider having an abnormal family background. Yet, at the same time, they seem to find a safe harbor in all of their peers who have similar backgrounds. I heard “Hypocrites that’s the word I’d use to describe my parents” “They are crazy, I’m more mature than they are,” or “what a joke, they can’t even have a conversation about me without fighting” or “If they are going to act all friendly and flirt with each other, why the hell did they get divorced?”
As it relates to what they feel they gained by coming from a divorced/stepfamily situation I heard things like” I can fit into any situation and having different homes and different rules helped, I think” “I can get along with anyone,” or “I’m more open and understanding than many of my friends.” 

All of Navigational Skills for Stepfamily workbook materials are on Amazon only. Any other publisher, website or company does not have permission and they also don't have the material. Please don't let the internet scammers scam you...

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A lot of love,
​Christina Marie