The invitation: Take what resonates with you, do what you want with it and ignore what is not workable in your reality. You are free, always. It’s your life, your moments, your heart, your family.
The Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator
I'd like to share with you the "levels of Co-Parenting," from an expanded consciousness-holistic vantage point and how we work with stepfamilies:
The levels of co-parenting in a stepfamily: where a child (or children) go back and forth between two homes.
The base line foundation within the levels of co-parenting is:
Mending fences while building bridges.
The fence would be the biological parents. This includes the time they were together to date and all that the children experienced from their birth to now.
That's the first level.
Biological (mom and dad)
The bridge would be the who in each house post divorce (separation or whatever the status between parents may be)
That's the second level.
Bio-step (mom and stepdad or stepmom and dad)
The third level of co-parenting is everything that happens as the children are moving from one house to another. The space in between. The movement from house A to house B and from house B to house A.
Level one: Biological: Mom and Dad
Level two: Biological and Step (Mom and stepdad’s house and Stepmom and Dad’s house)
Level three: the space between level one and two which the children travel.
In this way, all of the adults involved are all responsible for who they are, what they send out and how mindful they are about doing no harm to themselves, each other and the children as the children experience the full reality of their Expanded Family landscape. Aka level one, level two and level three.
Our company, Expanded Consciousness is all about taking what is and moving it where you want it to go. Where divorced parents usually want their children's lives to go is often the same. It's really the "how," to get them there and "who," should (and shouldn't) get them there that takes parents off track as it relates to what they truly want.
Mending fences while building bridges allows room for the fullness of honoring the co-creation of the precious children, as well as the building of the bridge.
The bio-stepmom compass creator primarily handles level two of the co-parenting levels. However, it also filters softly and adds healing value to level one and level threeas well.
Just as the Peaceful Exchange Program primarily handles Level three co-parenting (the exchange between homes) and that program has massive power to positively impact Level One and Level Two Co-Parenting: In addition to helping adults heal in a way that most of their life energy lives in the present which gives them more power to be in solution oriented in the present.
All of the books, programs and coaching sessions offered through Expanded Consciousness are designed for the person who is inspired to by the book, implement the programs or wants guidance into how to take what is true in their family life and move it to the place they want it to go.
What Expanded Consciousness does not do is: we do not help you change the other person to be exactly as you need them to be. We would be sorry about that, however-we have seen miracles happen (mostly in reverent time) for families by not trying to change or control anyone else and instead work within ourselves.
Self love allows you to open your heart. Being full with an open heart makes it much easier to master the Reverent Communication that will work within your stepfamily based on the people in your stepfamily.
How Strong is your Spine?
I'm going to speak to fathers however, this applies to any parent.
Imagine yourself and the mother of your children as your child’s developing spinal cord.
Imagine the central nervous system of your child to be divided between the spinal cord (you and their mom) and the Brain (the child)
As the developing spinal cord of your child- you and mom are the communication highway to the child's brain.
The Brain (Child) collects information through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Everything they see you do, how you say what you say, what you cook them for dinner (The Yum/Yuck factor) and what your touch feels like to them.
As the important messengers of the Brain (Child) when you injure each other, you injure the Brain (child)
Spinal cord injuries can easily disrupt the brain (child.) And this comes out in: Speech, walking, movement, core thoughts, perceptions and emotions.
Every time you focus on what's wrong with mom and you let the children know what's wrong with mom, you are part of the cause of the disruption in the brain of the child.
This will come out in their speech, their ability to move in the world, their core thoughts about themselves, their perception of themselves, and their emotions. These are the things that are often at the heart of their behavioral changes.
You understand how this works if you ever experienced that moment where you wake up one day, lean over to pick something up from the floor and *Crack! Your back is OUT! Suddenly, you can't think straight. Your mood changes. You're a different human.
Perhaps you're a grumpy bear now because you are in some serious pain. It’s in it’s acute stage however, that pain usually does not stem from the simple act of bending over. It's usually an accumulation of many things through time. Perhaps it's bad posture or even an old football injury that flairs up every few years.
There is a connection between the past and the present and how that leads directly into your immediate future. Unless you become mindful, present and take care of your spine on the daily.
This is what the women in your life have been trying to tell you or this is what your children, teens and young adult children are trying to tell you directly or indirectly.
So I ask you, how strong is your own spine?
Now imagine the development of your own central nervous system. Your parents are your spinal cord and you are the brain.
You see where I am going with this, don’t you?
I ask you this because the starting point for everything you need to know about why you can or can’t relate, connect or get along with the most important women in your life- begins within the development of your own central nervous system.
Strengthening your own core is your best defense to the concerned maternal or the feminine chaotic.
Remember though: an indication of a strong core is: the ability to be both strong and flexible.
How this looks in a co-parenting relationships:
A weak core response: “Just get over it already!”
A Strong core response: “You sound frustrated, what do you need?
A weak core response: “This isn’t about you!”
A Strong core response: “I understand you’re upset, let’s come up with a solution”
This is the beginning point of ninja communication aka reverent communication.
If you want to stop loosing your cool every time the maternal or feminine chaotic heads your way: Strengthen your core.
WARNING: There is a very good chance, if you’ve been showing up with a weak core-her response might be suspicious or she may not even know what she needs. Should this happen, just remain strong in your core because that will be the beginning point of her ability to figure out what her real needs are.
You can’t control what she needs and you may not be able to give her what she needs.
All you can do is be strong in your own core. That means, keeping it simple and on point in the face of the various energies the concerned maternal or the feminine chaotic brings to the table.
The most important thing you can do is decide what kind of father you are and be that kind of father to your children so fully that you are not easily taken off track.
I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell my mom clients:
(Working with mothers we call this SELF-LOVE) and remember she is a part of your child’s developing spinal cord too, no matter what she’s done to you.
Strengthen your core
As far as your marriage goes: Let’s use an anatomy analogy for that too, you ready?
Imagine yourself and your wife as the developmental spinal cord of your marriage…
You get it, Right?
My name is Christina Marie. Aka The Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator. I work with the most important women in your lives. Biological mothers, stepmothers and sometimes your mother, or maybe even the relationship between your now wife and your sister. It really just depends on whichever two women are unable to create harmony with one another. My priority is a woman’s physiology. (her health and well-being) I use three pillars in my work: Self-love, open-heart and reverent communication. Because I believe when a woman loves herself, she can open her heart and once she is full in those two areas she can be reverent in her communication. This benefits you and the children in every way.
Where Expanded Stepfamily and Love Affair with Thy Self Co-Exist
Freedom to Express all that we are and all that we feel through movement, music and higher body/mind states.
©Expanded Consciousness LLC
*This Musical-Exercise is not intended as a substitute for the medical, health or alternative healing advice of physicians, therapists or mental health care professionals. The reader should regularly consult a physician, therapist or mental health care provider in matters relating to his/her health, safety, or emotional well-being, particularly; with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention and/or more specifically, as it relates to any and all mental illness or substance abuse issues. It also requires the adults who facilitate the experience to be prepared to handle anything that comes out of a child's mouth with acceptance. Therefore, it's important that parents do their own inner emotional work prior to designing.
Here's how it works:
Everyone in the family picks their own two songs. Or there are just two songs.... (Whatever the family wants)
The first song intention is to get the positive, fun and happiness juices flowing through the body/mind. Whatever song makes any person in the family feel the happiest, would be their song.
These three selections are some of the more popular for family affinity and fun. Particularly when Dad dances to Beyoncé. That has the power to cause anything from giggles to...oh my god Dad...no... Either way, it really brings out the love and laughter
The second song intention is to be honest yet kind about what is hard to express.
Perhaps things that upset, hurt or angered someone.
The beauty and benefit of this being designed to happen after all that happiness (and while our bodies are in movement) is the things that bother us or the things we haven't said becomes a little safer to say because it's being said with intention and as the body is already in movement and....no one is being blindsided.
The younger the child, the less this part is necessary.
Mostly what parents discover is...children are often receptive to feeling joy and happiness, they sometimes have a hard time finding anything to really share. Depending on their age and with older siblings... there has to be some mindfulness and rules. Just in case. Again, depending on the connections.
The parents are in charge and fully responsible for setting this up with everyone's emotional capacity in mind.
And often, many families decide to skip this second part when they want a little extra affinity circulating through the house first. To lighten the space and connections so when they do use this second part-there are happy memories existing when it's done. That can be very important for the success of this experience when the tension is or has been thick. However, it's just as likely doing both songs will bring that lightness back to the surface.
This is very powerful experience for many families. People often worry about the second song however, sometimes, people have a hard time holding all the good that comes flowing out of their family members.
As an example:
In one home, the father/Stepfather was so overwhelmed by how generous the children were with him, he couldn't handle it because below that, he was struggling with addiction and felt so much guilt and shame, the goodness that was happening-he wasn't able to hold or accept it. Again, it's really important to be emotionally responsible, very aware and mindful. Both adults in the house have to be true leaders. I'm talking about being able to take in, not just all the feedback that may not be so great, but also how very deeply good some children's desires are and how much they love.
(This is also why parents loving themselves is very important)
Here are three of many songs families like to pick for the second part.
Healthy Emotional Honesty for Stepfamilies
If done well, with the intention of being a family that has the capacity to be emotionally honest in healthy and constructive ways-what everyone will experience is a sense of being heard at a level that lightens the entire house and often, very often...brings happiness and closeness because everyone has shared in a very full bodied way with each person as individuals and then as a family everyone feels heard, valued and the love goes up. It's actually beautiful to behold when that happens
How to Build the Safe Container