How Strong is your Spine?
I'm going to speak to fathers however, this applies to any parent.
Imagine yourself and the mother of your children as your child’s developing spinal cord.
Imagine the central nervous system of your child to be divided between the spinal cord (you and their mom) and the Brain (the child)
As the developing spinal cord of your child- you and mom are the communication highway to the child's brain.
As the important messengers of the Brain (Child) when you injure each other, you injure the Brain (child)
Spinal cord injuries can easily disrupt the brain (child.) And this comes out in: Speech, walking, movement, core thoughts, perceptions and emotions.
Every time you focus on what's wrong with mom and you let the children know what's wrong with mom, you are part of the cause of the disruption in the brain of the child.
This will come out in their speech, their ability to move in the world, their core thoughts about themselves, their perception of themselves, and their emotions. These are the things that are often at the heart of their behavioral changes.
You understand how this works if you ever experienced that moment where you wake up one day, lean over to pick something up from the floor and *Crack! Your back is OUT! Suddenly, you can't think straight. Your mood changes. You're a different human.
Perhaps you're a grumpy bear now because you are in some serious pain. It’s in it’s acute stage however, that pain usually does not stem from the simple act of bending over. It's usually an accumulation of many things through time. Perhaps it's bad posture or even an old football injury that flairs up every few years.
There is a connection between the past and the present and how that leads directly into your immediate future. Unless you become mindful, present and take care of your spine on the daily.
This is what the women in your life have been trying to tell you or this is what your children, teens and young adult children are trying to tell you directly or indirectly.
Now imagine the development of your own central nervous system. Your parents are your spinal cord and you are the brain.
You see where I am going with this, don’t you?
I ask you this because the starting point for everything you need to know about why you can or can’t relate, connect or get along with the most important women in your life- begins within the development of your own central nervous system.
Strengthening your own core is your best defense to the concerned maternal or the feminine chaotic.
Remember though: an indication of a strong core is: the ability to be both strong and flexible.
How this looks in a co-parenting relationships:
A Strong core response: “You sound frustrated, what do you need?
A weak core response: “This isn’t about you!”
A Strong core response: “I understand you’re upset, let’s come up with a solution”
This is the beginning point of ninja communication aka reverent communication.
If you want to stop loosing your cool every time the maternal or feminine chaotic heads your way: Strengthen your core.
WARNING: There is a very good chance, if you’ve been showing up with a weak core-her response might be suspicious or she may not even know what she needs. Should this happen, just remain strong in your core because that will be the beginning point of her ability to figure out what her real needs are.
You can’t control what she needs and you may not be able to give her what she needs.
All you can do is be strong in your own core. That means, keeping it simple and on point in the face of the various energies the concerned maternal or the feminine chaotic brings to the table.
The most important thing you can do is decide what kind of father you are and be that kind of father to your children so fully that you are not easily taken off track.
I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell my mom clients:
- Your children have the mother that they have. Period, end of story. If you want to be a positive healthy influence on her or your children: you have to strengthen your own core
(Working with mothers we call this SELF-LOVE) and remember she is a part of your child’s developing spinal cord too, no matter what she’s done to you.
- Please stop telling your children half of their spine is messed up, screwed up, bad, or a terrible mother.
- Spend your time strengthening and building your children up instead of spending your time putting their mother down.
Strengthen your core
As far as your marriage goes: Let’s use an anatomy analogy for that too, you ready?
Imagine yourself and your wife as the developmental spinal cord of your marriage…
You get it, Right?