Lack of Awareness Book Excerpt
Some of these interviews started with a recorded audio of chapter one. “Lack of Awareness”; while other interviews, had been a series of questions asked and answered.
The younger the child, the less questions asked and the more the audio of “lack of awareness” was used. Mostly, those required parental consent and an agreement to just let each child express what their personal experience is and how they felt naturally. If they wanted to talk, they could. If they didn’t want to talk, they didn’t have to.
All the children ages 6 to 12 had an experience of being able to fully relate and understand every word in that chapter: Feelings of being bounced around from house to house, the confusion, the chaos and the desire for mom and dad to get back together. Also, from these children’s little world views; adult’s actions and ways of being don’t make sense to them. Their awareness of the adults mixed messages and their ability to understand what was going on between the adults, surprised many of the parents. It’s sometimes difficult for parents to realize children are paying attention, often even while they are playing and just being children. By using “lack of awareness” many of these children’s parents became aware and present to just how much children actually understand.
Teenagers seemed to be less generous with their parent’s humanism’s, and more generous with themselves and the advantages of their own ability to handle challenges and diversity which they believe stems from what they consider having an abnormal family background. Yet, at the same time, they seem to find a safe harbor in all of their peers who have similar backgrounds. I heard “Hypocrites that’s the word I’d use to describe my parents” “They are crazy, I’m more mature than they are,” or “what a joke, they can’t even have a conversation about me without fighting” or “If they are going to act all friendly and flirt with each other, why the hell did they get divorced?”
As it relates to what they feel they gained by coming from a divorced/stepfamily situation I heard things like” I can fit into any situation and having different homes and different rules helped, I think” “I can get along with anyone,” or “I’m more open and understanding than many of my friends.”