Did you even know each bio-stepmom in every stepfamily has their very own unique bio-stepmom rhythm?
Sometimes their unique rhythm will lead them to be able to sing “Kum- ba- ya.” around the stepfamily camp fire and that is just lovely. Bravo At other times - the uniqueness of the connection moves two women only so far and their greatest growth exists in having the capacity to be in the same room -at the same family function (together yet separately) and not feel uncomfortable or not cause tension, chaos or drama for others. That may actually be the most they can do and for that specific family-the unique rhythm between those two women, their ability to do that: is family miracle, a cause for celebration -considering the history between the two women.
And that is just as lovely.
Much of the wisdom within women in stepfamilies is sourced by the women in their own stepfamilies. Allowing these women to be where they are and grow organically from there based on their unique rhythm (vs a sterile formula) is softer less damaging to their physiology.
We can find our unique rhythms when we stop hiding behind others and take responsibility for what is ours to take responsibility for. How any two people relate to one another is their responsibility. The bio-stepmom connection is no exception.”
Christina Marie, The Bio-Stepmom Peace Negotiator